[dukha]

I've always been depressive and pessimistic person as far as I can remember.

I've been looking at other people only to see how happy they are and how content they with their life. They feel motivated, want something from life and in generally think that being alive is alright, which I just couldn't internalize no matter how hard I tried.

Essentially, I've come to the conclusion that there _must_ be something wrong with my neurotransmitters that I just can't be happy as fellow friends around me.

Many doctor appointments, many different prescriptions.

Antidepressants did their job and I started to care less about what's going on, but they didn't make me any happier. They just made me less miserable. On the other side, I've started to see the world through some kind of fog, which blocked most of my previous perception. My long-term memory started to degradate.

Now, after many years of taking various SSRIs I'm beginning to realize, that there's nothing wrong with my brain.

That's perhaps who I am, maybe either percepting more than many people around or just more sensetive and therefore reacting stronger even on slightest stimulus in a much stronger ways. I have opinions and thougts on a topics that many do not even care about.

So instead of supressing thoughts and emotions I must accept them as they are.

[all_blue_chucks]

Your comment, "there's nothing wrong with my brain," doesn't clearly define what you mean by "wrong." From a biological standpoint, there is nothing wrong with misery. You can be miserable from birth to death, but as long as you pass on your genes your miserable self is "fit" from an evolutionary perspective.

Personally I would absolutely consider persistent misery, or experiencing extreme sadness over minor things, to be a clear proof that there is something wrong with my brain. Whether I treat that with therapy or medication, I think that is very much worth treating, and definitely not worth simply accepting.

[s1artibartfast]

>Personally I would absolutely consider persistent misery, or experiencing extreme sadness over minor things, to be a clear proof that there is something wrong with my brain. Whether I treat that with therapy or medication, I think that is very much worth treating, and definitely not worth simply accepting.

I think you are making the assumption that it is treatable, or that the treatment advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is not always the case.

I think there is a general over-subscription to the idea that everything can be treated or optimized. Some diseases are incurable and sometimes a personal optimal is still poor compared to average.

[all_blue_chucks]

Not all cases of depression are effectively treated - some end in suicide - but every single case is worth treating. Resigning oneself to lifelong misery is the worst possible choice.

[s1artibartfast]

That depends on the side effects of the treatment and how bad the depression is

[sandgiant]

I think you're on to something really important here.

Some people (normal people if you will) just don't think too much about things. Even when they sometimes go on to make terrible choices for themselves, and others, they might regret it, they might have negative thoughts about it, but they don't become depressed. They are not inclined to ruminating hours on end about their mistakes, so the negative thoughts dissipate over time, they effectively move on.

But if your personality, or brain, or whatever, is made in such a way that you like to think a lot about what could have been, or could be, or how to behave, or what others think of you, any kind of negative thought you might have will stay around, eventually leading to (symptoms of) depression.

So I think you're right when you say that depression is not what's wrong with you. You might just be one of those people that are good at thinking. Perhaps sometimes a little too good at thinking, a little too sensitive. Being sensitive and good at thinking is not be a bad thing at all, but spending too much time having negative thoughts may be what leads to depression.

If this is the case, realizing that you have a choice, in what to think about, is an important step on improving the quality of life, perhaps even learning to life with, or overcome some of the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Accept the negative thoughts, they are just natural thoughts after all, but choose not to dwell on them, let them pass and move on to the next thought, it might be a positive one.

You may also find some inspiration in metacognitive therapy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metacognitive_therapy).

[zeta0134]

A realization that came to me much later in life was that, although I am in apparently full control of which thoughts I allow to persist in my mind, I do not appear to be in full control of when memories surface. Rather, very similar to my dreaming state, it seems as though there is some process which is constantly comparing my waking events to things that occurred in my past, and trying to form a connection between them.

For the most part this is good, but of course, not all memories are created equal. Sometimes this process of forming connections reminds me of a painful event, something I'd rather not think about.

At first it was frustrating when these memories surfaced repeatedly. I'd dwell on some embarassing thing I'd done, or some painful thing a friend had said to me, which they maybe didn't realize I'd taken so hard. It was tempting to analyze these events to death, and have silent conversations with these figments, as though I could go back and phrase it differently, or change my actions, and perhaps it would have gone better.

Eventually, however, I realized that these mental tasks were not productive. The event, the "danger" had already passed. So now, whenever I realize my mind is about to go down that path, when suddenly I am reminded of a painful event, we pause, my brain and I. "Do we really need to go down this road again? We know where it leads. Let's not."

And so we don't. We reach once again into the stream of thought, allow ourselves to dwell on some happier moment, and in time, that old memory fades and we're off on a different adventure.

[derangedHorse]

This comment assumes people can choose what they think about when most of the time there doesn't seem to be an off-switch to a certain topic or emotion. I've found that it's easier to re-apply one's thought process on something mentally demanding and important (so the mind will find it urgent enough to drop whatever it is currently thinking about) than to direct one's mind to stop thinking about a particular topic. With that being said, I know that I'm also trivializing the difficulty finding a replacement topic that sufficiently demanding and important.

[mint2]

It’s also like the Facebook effect. For the most part, people post only the best photos, so we only see their best 10%. Yet it’s easy to forget that and compare that to all our photos/experiences even though it’s not apples to apples.

And out of 100 friends, if 5-10 post something cool it’s easy to overlook that the other 90-95 didn’t.

fB is but an example. These effects happen more or less with everything.

[bradlys]

The culture in America shames those who post upsetting things or express those feelings. It’s a whole thing where you have to always be happy and “positive”.

I’ve rebelled against this for a long time. I post happy things here and there but since my life isn’t particularly happy, I post the more upsetting things more frequently and express those feelings in real life. I like to think I’m adding balance but I know I’m just being ignored because the culture doesn’t like to hear about suffering.

[LouisSayers]

> The culture in America shames those who post upsetting things or express those feelings.

Yeah, because it’s bloody depressing.

You get what your mind focuses on and if people actively look for depressing topics it’s no wonder they’re all doom and gloom.

That’s why people don’t want to hear it - because it affects your psychology.

I will actively run from people who lead negative lives, that complain about things but never lift a finger to make anything better. I refuse to be sucked into their pits of despair because I know there is good in the world, and I want to be part of that, focus my mind and attention and energy on leaving things slightly better than when I found it.

I will try to help ppl where I can but the truth is a lot of people are lazy and don’t want to change. So I leave them with my thoughts and know that I have done my piece.

I’m not saying this is directly attributable to your experience, simply relaying the way I feel to give you insight into perhaps a different mindset and way of seeing things.

[XCSme]

I agree. My opinion now is actually that the more a person posts "happy" photos on Facebook/Instagram, the sadder/unfulfilled they actually are IRL.

[austincheney]

> Now, after many years of taking various SSRIs I'm beginning to realize

So a failure to transmit or receive sufficient chemical stimulus in the brain describes a failure of hardware that may or may not be correctable with drugs. Because we live in a culture of convenience it is common to misrepresent a difference of personality as a defect correctable with a drug, which may explain the drive to consume and abuse stimulants.

Some people, myself, literally enjoy working 80+ hours a weeks with less sleep and without preconditions, like increased compensation. Many people see that as bizarre and wonder where the increased energy and focus come from. It’s not a product of increased energy or focus, but really just a minor difference of personal interest and emotional concerns. Stimulants won’t buy you a necessary change of personal goals or the necessary continuous interest of where you value your time, and certainly won’t buy you enjoyment of working 80+ hours a week. Instead people tend to be most productive where they naturally find increased output due to personal interests whether that’s just from spending time with other people or reading literature.

That’s the difference personal interests (personality) make which is not any indication of defect. There is a famous quote: “Know thyself”. The reflection to that is know what you are not or rather don’t lie to yourself.

[kerkeslager]

Due to a video by Dave MacLeod[1], I made some dietary changes that have had a surprising and profound effect on my mental health. The full list of sources for that video are on his blog[2], but the paper I found most helpful was the first on the list[3].

It's hard to come to any conclusions here, but it does seem like for me, the issue was at least partly chemical.

However, I'll say that a lot of why I got to a point where I could even make the dietary changes, was that I had done a lot of emotional and psychological work. The reason I was interested when I saw the vlog, and read the paper, and made the dietary changes, was that I had done a lot of work to learn to even care about myself.

For me, there has been a feedback loop--learning to care about myself has allowed me to discover tools to improve my brain chemistry, which in turn is now allowing me to care about myself better and do more for myself (and others). I don't think that just giving people the right food or medicines to fix their brain chemistry would work if they don't see themselves as worth making the life changes for.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPi41bSrFdI

[2] https://www.davemacleod.com/blog/vlog15

[3] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30254980/

[staplers]

"There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth."

-Fred Rogers

[welearnednothng]

I can relate to much of what you're saying. This seems to be the common trapping of modern society - everyone must be happy and care about the same things. I'm not professionally qualified on the subject, but my vote is embrace it - but also try to understand it.

For instance, find a therapist to talk with. Don't feel like you need to settle for the first one you find, find one that feels right to you. It could be that there are deep rooted thoughts or emotions that actually are unhealthy that you may want to get to the bottom of. The goal here isn't change, it's understanding... and through understanding, determine if there's anything you'd like to change or even embrace. For example, I tend to focus on the negatives and everything wrong with the world. I realized I picked these behaviors up from my mother which not only allows me to be more aware of my behavior, but also helps me gently guide conversations with her away from being so negative and help her find positive things in her life.

Psychedelics often come up in these conversations, as well. I know many people whom see their experiences with psychedelics as turning points for them. There's plenty out research out there on the subject that I won't rehash here. If you choose to go down this route, I'd suggest doing your own research and if it seems like something you'd like to try do so in a safe place with one or more persons you feel safe around. Preferably, have an experienced "guide" there with you.

Lastly, I've been digging into the subject of gratitude for awhile now - both giving and receiving. There's a lot of research indicating it can be quite powerful. I tend to focus on the negative and everything that's wrong with the world (or my job, or my partner). Sometimes, just setting aside time to stop and think about something or someone you're grateful for (and especially communicating that) can do wonders. This isn't about not having or getting rid of pessimistic thoughts - it's about finding conscious space for appreciation, which can help balance things out or just help find some sparks of joy that might otherwise get drowned out by the negativity.

We're all on our own journey. Embrace who you are and try to take in the sights along the way.

[epx]

Not sure if this is always the solution, but yes, so many people take antidepressants and let the fundamental problems of their lives go unfixed.

And being a pessimist is not a problem that should be medicated. The world needs us!!

[twojacobtwo]

Have you looked into the possibility that you have ADD/ADHD?

I ask because your description sounds spot on for how I have felt throughout life. The 'fog', lack of motivation, and sensitivity to even the slightest stimulus especially ring true. When I first took medication for ADD, I felt like I had been driving through a downpour my whole life and finally discovered the window-wipers - the storm didn't stop, but I could finally look forward and see my goals and desires clearly. Every few weeks I try to do a reset and test how I feel without medication and I definitely still feel that 'fog' that you mention. I would say my fog is more like being in a lightning storm, because I feel the constant 'patter' of thoughts hitting my subconscious (for lack of a better word), but the occasional lightning strike will pull my attention completely away from everything else momentarily.

If you want to learn more, I highly recommend looking through the ADHD subreddit[0] - especially the sidebar material.

[0] https://old.reddit.com/r/ADHD/

[ditonal]

It's very common for people on HN to tout the benefits of their ADHD diagnosis and I feel compelled to point out that getting on ADHD meds was one of the worst mistakes of my life. They triggered a manic episode. The psychiatrist solutions to all my problems was always more meds, different meds, etc. I've mentioned this a few times and I'm always accused of abusing them but the truth is I took a small dose as prescribed. Of course I was "pre-disposed" to mania but how was I supposed to learn that without finding out the hard way? I believe that if I just avoided all the psychiatric pill I never would have gone full manic (hypomanic, but not manic).

The article is right that "chemical imbalance" is a myth as there's no sort of blood tests or normative chemical ranges for any of these mental conditions that people get diagnosed because they are outside of. A quick Google search would show there's no scientific support for chemical imbalance theory, just some pills that affect brain chemicals that people report depression improvement on self-reported survey so a huge, unscientific leap is made that depression is some chemical shortage in the brain. All the psychiatrist diagnoses are basically glorified personality tests, and the criteria are based on the DSM-5 which was made closed door and with heavy influence from pharmaceutical company lobbying.

Mental health is probably one of the most complex aspects of health, things like placebo have a huge impact, it's hard to study, and there's huge bias introduced by a for-profit pharmaceutical industry that pushes treatments to pills.

The field of psychiatry is not that scientific, it's not so long ago it was forcing people into lobotomies and I see the unscientific rush to diagnose everyone into these boxes of depression and ADHD as a similar gaffe that will be looked back on poorly.

I am diagnosed with GAD, ADHD, and bipolar type 1 and I'm doing MUCH better since I went against-medical-advice and quit all meds. For bipolar disorder/anxiety, meditation, yoga, exercise, sobriety, journaling are my key treatments. Mindfulness is key, but not the Hacker News McMindfulness variety where you try to emulate a celebrity monk from Tibet so you can reach Zen all so you can write more code for your startup.

For ADHD, meditation, techniques like pomodoro, and most importantly, just accepting that maybe it's better to achieve less peak productivity than take prescription amphetamines.

I just wanted to provide some counter-perspective as someone who's followed advice like yours much to my detriment.

[toomanybeersies]

As a counter point, being diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed medication was one of the best things to have ever happened to me. Everybody is different though, medication is beneficial for some and detrimental for others. It's important to be aware of your mental state and how treatment (whether drugs or other) affects it, and to be able to make informed choices regarding treatment. A good doctor/shrink should take into consideration your feedback and act accordingly. Bad doctors will just push pills on to you. This is why I'm deadset against prescribing stimulant medication to children, it's easy (and common) for doctors and parents to basically force feed their kids amphetamines, often causing them great harm (I also believe that it stops children from learning proper ADHD management strategies, leading to them being completely incapable of functioning without medication or illicit drugs)

Meditation and yoga do nothing for me. Seeing a counsellor has been good though, and I think that its something that everybody should do, regardless of neurotype or how well they appear to be functioning in life.

[minerjoe]

> deadset against prescribing stimulant medication to children

I've seen it first hand. Child is beautiful and active and happy and sad and angry and living and the Mother just can't handle it and BAM - drugs.

Child grows up, becomes a teenager. Prescription drugs stop. Teenage moves to Methamphetamine, start cooking. Eventually is busted and jailed.

The connection, for me, is clear.

I feel very very lucky that I grew up before the ADHD diagnosis was a thing as I could have easily been that child.

[toomanybeersies]

> and the Mother just can't handle it

It's unfortunate that it's often the case that psychiatric help is only sought for "problem children", who negatively impact those around them. These are the kids that get "easily distracted and distracts others" on all their report cards.

Well behaved children with ADHD (generally those with inattentive-type) tend to have their poor academic performance written off as laziness or stupidity. Their report cards tend to say "has great potential, if only he would apply himself"

Unfortunately, it's common just to give kids some pills to settle them down, especially when therapy is expensive or resource limited, without helping them learn healthy coping mechanisms and management strategies.

Often as they grow older, they become less hyperactive, which leads to the belief that they've "grown out" of their ADHD. There's a common misconception (even amongst doctors) that ADHD is a children's disease, when in fact up to 2/3 of children with ADHD carry it through to adulthood. I have friends who went to their GP and were straight up told that they couldn't have ADHD as they're adults.

Therapy should be the first-line strategy for treating children with ADHD, with medication being an alternative or supplemental treatment. Otherwise you end up with adults who never learned healthy management strategies as children, as the medication suppressed the need to learn them. Then as they "grow out" of their ADHD, they're taken off medication and are unable to function as effective members of society.

[lwkl]

Medication allows therapy to be effective. And it depends where on the spectrum you are. Just going to therapy and talking won‘t change anything. For me a main symptom is and was the inability to take action on existing knowledge. Therapy can’t fix that.

Treatment of ADHD without medication needs action accommodations from the school, teachers, friends, boy scouts and parents. And it‘s not possible for every parent and every school.

If you feel emotionally numb because of the stimulants your dose is probably too high and it should be adjusted.

But I agree with you. The treatment can‘t be just a pill. It needs at least to be a pill and education for the involved parties. And especially education for the patient. So they can adjust their treatment and lifestyle according to their needs.

[chc]

It seems like you're conflating accurate diagnoses with misdiagnoses here. Nobody thinks being medicated based on a misdiagnosis is a good thing, and especially not as a substitute for parenting.

[jmole]

Do you (or parent, or GP) have allergies or food allergies by any chance?

I recently did a ~7 day liquid elemental diet [0], followed by a 3 day fast, and at the end of the fast I was more mentally acute and more lucid or "present" than I have ever felt in my life.

The results were far better than any medication or treatment I've ever tried. Unfortunately, re-feeding brought me back to the same state I've known for all of my life.

[0] - https://www.siboinfo.com/uploads/5/4/8/4/5484269/homemade_el...

[twojacobtwo]

I know it's late to respond to this, but I just want to say thank you for offering the opposite perspective. I can only say it was a life-changing improvement in my case and in most of the cases that I have read about. I do want to clarify that I wasn't advising anyone to get medicated immediately; I just offered my perspective and a link to more information.

I agree that we should be focusing more in individualized treatment and not attempting to adjust everyone to some averaged version of 'normal'. Tbh, if I could find a way to live comfortably in a profession that I enjoyed, which didn't also require 'neurotypical' focus, I would drop the medication as well. I do enjoy being able to focus on things which would normally be near impossible for me otherwise, but I certainly feel less creative and mentally adroit when medicated. It's a difficult trade-off at times, but in my current circumstances, it's one I simply have to make, as nothing else works(including meditation, pomodoro, etc.).

In any case, it makes me happy to hear that you have found a solution that works for you.

[patmorgan23]

I would like to recommend the book 'crazy like us' it's about how mental health functions differently in different cultures and how we been exporting western conception of mental health and they've actually changed the symptoms people report to their therapist. It also touches on the pharmaceutical industries influence. Really a fascinating reas

[hemantv]

I had similar experience. Especially if you sleep deprived it fucks your whole mood regulation system.

[viburnum]

There’s a view that ADHD is badly named, because many ADHD people have incredible focus (at times), and many are not hyperactive in the least. It’s more of an issue about emotional dysregulation, which can be exceptionally painful for those who suffer.

[PragmaticPulp]

> because many ADHD people have incredible focus (at times)

The concept of "hyperfocus" as a symptom of ADHD is relatively recent idea. It didn't appear in any medical literature for a long time. The first appearance I could find was in some author's book about ADHD, which wasn't even targeted at medical professionals.

It might be a symptom for some people, but misinterpreting it as a symptom of ADHD leaves the door wide open for misdiagnosis and over-diagnosis. When we start diagnosis a disorder notorious of lack of attention in people who demonstrate an abundance of attention, there's a problem.

The pop-psychology definition of ADHD is so broad that it's rare to find an HN commenter who hasn't self-diagnosed as maybe having ADHD at some point in their lives.

As you said, pathological ADHD (as diagnosed by a medical professional) can have a severe impact on people's lives. It's best that we leave the diagnosis to professionals and not give people the impression that the regular ups and downs of focus (studying/focus/mental endurance is work for everyone) are indicators of a mental health disorder.

[dragonwriter]

> When we start diagnosis a disorder notorious of lack of attention in people who demonstrate an abundance of attention, there's a problem.

Inattention in ADHD has always been the lack of ability to appropriately direct attention, not the absence of attention to anything.

While “hyperfocus” by name is a fairly recent association, at least as far back as the DSM III-R ADHD has included both tendency to be easily distracted by extraneous stimuli (inability to maintain appropriate attention) and that of not having attention drawn by stimulus that should draw it (appearing not to listen.)

Hyperfocus is simply the latter.

[skissane]

> The concept of "hyperfocus" as a symptom of ADHD is relatively recent idea

Hyperfocus is a symptom of ADHD, ASD, and schizophrenia [1]. So a person who experiences hyperfocus may be experiencing one or more of those conditions. (Although, when I say "symptom", not necessarily a diagnostic one – conditions can have both diagnostic symptoms, which form part of the diagnostic criteria, and non-diagnostic symptoms, which don't, but nonetheless have been commonly observed clinically and/or in research in those formally diagnosed.)

Since it is possible to have subclinical manifestations of psychiatric diagnoses, a person who experiences hyperfocus without meeting the diagnostic criteria for any of these diagnoses may have such a subclinical manifestation of one or more of them. The formal name for subclinical ASD is "Broad Autism Phenotype" (BAP) [2]; I don't think subclinical ADHD [3] or subclinical schizophrenia [4] have distinctive names, but both have been researched. (A lot of people who incorrectly self-diagnose themselves as having X despite not actually meeting the diagnostic criteria, may in fact be correctly identifying the existence of subclinical traits of X in themselves.)

[1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31541305/

[2] e.g. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5949081/

[3] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S01918...

[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2547346/

[minerjoe]

> leave the diagnosis to professionals

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23821855

[toomanybeersies]

I was diagnosed in my mid-20s with inattentive-type ADHD. I had never even considered that I had ADHD until about a year prior to seeing a doctor, because I don't "look" like I have ADHD. There's this stereotype of people with ADHD being unable to sit still, constantly bouncing off the walls, which isn't really me at all.

There's so much more to ADHD than that though. I'm smart enough that I never struggled academically, and wasn't hyperactive enough to cause significant enough disruption in the classroom, so externally it was never picked up that I might have ADHD. But now that I'm aware of it, I've come to realise how significant of an impact it's had in my life, all the self-destructive and self-sabotaging behaviour, the instability of my relationships, the abuse of drugs and alcohol, the lack of internal motivation, emotional hypersensitivity, a lack of emotional and object permanence, and more. I could go on for days (and have) about the less obvious effects and symptoms of ADHD.

[twojacobtwo]

I completely agree that it is poorly named. One of the reasons I never even considered that I had ADD/ADHD was that I was never really exhibited hyperactivity and during certain activities -reading an amazing book or playing my favourite games- I can focus for hours on end. I think it would be great for the scientific/psychiatric community to seriously consider a new name.

[patmorgan23]

I do like the category ADHD is put in though. It's a form of 'executive disfunction' which I think describes it much better.

[JSavageOne]

It's hard not to be depressed when you realize how sad society is, and how most of how we're supposed to spend our days (working for an employer, staring at a computer screen all day) has no actual meaning to the world. Yet we're not allowed to talk about it at or you'll get fired, or people will think you're depressing.

For me I've found that my happiness is mostly a function of the community of people I'm surrounded with. This means having a solid group of friends and/or significant other. It's very tough to find this, especially in the U.S. when you're already an "adult" and didn't make many friends in your childhood/university years, but it is possible.

But that's just me, others don't need much social contact. Everyone is different. But for any software engineers like me who find that staring at a computer all day does little for their happiness, you are definitely not alone.

[alex504]

I found ssris to be a prison. A profound spiritual stasis. They cut me off from myself. They muted my emotions so instead of learning to deal with them I stayed passive and simply ignored them. When I got off of them I spent quite awhile learning who I was and how to live with myself. I have come a long way as a person and I wonder if that change wouldn't have taken place sooner had I not taken them.

It seems that lots of very smart people take these drugs and I wonder how many are emotionally and spiritually stunted by them.

[ip26]

I felt like that for a long time. I can't say that today I am an over-exuberant bundle of joy, but somewhere along the road of fixing my quality of sleep (caffeine, nasal obstruction), eating more fruits & vegetables, and getting regular exercise, the world has become a far more cheery place.

I know it's not an illusion because I very rapidly become dour & flat when I let my diet or exercise slip.

[bserge]

Have you tried other drugs?

I am depressive and pessimistic by nature, too. I have accepted that. But I have to fix the extremes because otherwise I simply can't function.

Different drugs can literally make you feel and think like a different person.

The only problem is side effects and tolerance, you can't go on on drugs for very long. They can be invaluable for building different habits, though.

[nastyfilthy]

What other drugs are you referring to? Other types of antidepressants or acid.

[bserge]

Not only MDMA (which is probably not prescribed by anyone yet) like /u/weknowbetter said, but also other stuff that has shown promise in treating depression (and has actually worked for other people). Imipramine (not really good long term), CBD, low dose THC, ketamine, gabapentin, there's some others, too.

Gabapentin works really well for me, though I have to stop taking it for a week every month, so that's 2-3 days of insomnia and nightmares. Technically I'm not supposed to, but then I'd have to increase the dosage to what I consider unacceptable levels. Tapering off also works, though.

CBD/THC (only with a low dose of alcohol) also works well, but I don't like the side effects (lower mental acuity, plus my already bad attention goes rock bottom), so it's more of an occasional thing.

Doctors are really inflexible in what they can give me, so I have to make do. SSRI's just don't work on me, except for imipramine, but that's really temporary.

[weknowbetter]

My guess would be MDMA

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4502590/

[Aperocky]

I have always been a happy and optimistic person.

But I do very often wonder if and what is the objective purpose of life, and having thought of it for a long time, I came to the conclusion that there are no such objective purpose.

The goal of life is entirely subjective, while the achievement/advancement of the goal is grounded in logic and hard work, the goal itself is not.

[XCSme]

I also came to the conclusion that no one has any idea what the purpose of life is. No one. I like listening to various opinions on "how you should live your life", mostly just out of curiosity, but never really take any of them as the answer. There are people (David Goggins) saying that you should work 24/7 and be the best of version of yourself you can be while working your ass off and suffering a lot. There are others who say you shouldn't give a fuck and just enjoy the life in every way you can. Life has no purpose, just enjoy it and do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled (which could mean either slacking or achieving greatness, depending on what you want).

[FailMore]

Hey, I'm a therapist in training and also a developer. I built a side project called Taaalk. It's a platform for people to have public conversations, and I have done a few on mental health:

https://taaalk.co/t/discussing-eating-disorders

https://taaalk.co/t/exploring-obsessive-compulsive-disorder

Would you like to do one to see if anything comes up? Kind of a public anonymous therapy session...

https://taaalk.co/t/invite/what-s-going-on-with-dukha, invite code: 314798825

(If anyone else is interested my email is in my profile)

[oldsklgdfth]

Aside from medication and therapy, what other avenues have you explored?

[viburnum]

This has been my experience as well. It’s taken a long time to understand how I am different than most other people.

Have you read about sensory processing sensitivity/highly sensitive people?

[kilroy_jones]

Your view on this and your username are linked I assume?

[rednerrus]

What is your purpose?

[mistermann]

A psychedelic experience can often offer a profoundly different perspective on things like one's beliefs, perceptions, experiential phenomena, etc - have you ever investigated/considered that avenue? The effects are typically mostly temporary, but one is often left with some convincing fragment of knowledge that what we think/perceive reality to be is wildly off the mark, which can be a useful new base to build upon going forward.