[bserge]

Have you tried other drugs?

I am depressive and pessimistic by nature, too. I have accepted that. But I have to fix the extremes because otherwise I simply can't function.

Different drugs can literally make you feel and think like a different person.

The only problem is side effects and tolerance, you can't go on on drugs for very long. They can be invaluable for building different habits, though.

[nastyfilthy]

What other drugs are you referring to? Other types of antidepressants or acid.

[bserge]

Not only MDMA (which is probably not prescribed by anyone yet) like /u/weknowbetter said, but also other stuff that has shown promise in treating depression (and has actually worked for other people). Imipramine (not really good long term), CBD, low dose THC, ketamine, gabapentin, there's some others, too.

Gabapentin works really well for me, though I have to stop taking it for a week every month, so that's 2-3 days of insomnia and nightmares. Technically I'm not supposed to, but then I'd have to increase the dosage to what I consider unacceptable levels. Tapering off also works, though.

CBD/THC (only with a low dose of alcohol) also works well, but I don't like the side effects (lower mental acuity, plus my already bad attention goes rock bottom), so it's more of an occasional thing.

Doctors are really inflexible in what they can give me, so I have to make do. SSRI's just don't work on me, except for imipramine, but that's really temporary.

[weknowbetter]

My guess would be MDMA

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4502590/