Ask HN: What’s wrong with me

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34 points by aragorn2 2928 days ago

I see no point in living. I cannot get myself to do even the simplest things like shaving, taking out the garbage, cleaning the dishes.

I’ve accomplished nothing.

I feel sorry for the two souls I brought into this meaningless world. They will blame me for bringing them into this hell as I blame my parents.

I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

Edit:

It’s past midnight here and I have to go to sleep.

Thank you everyone!!!

Thank you for taking the time to comment and help me feel a little better.

13 comments

noonespecial 2928 days ago

You're depressed. Clinically depressed.

Those things you are feeling are as real to you as your own right hand, but they are lies your "broken" sensors are feeding you.

I know perfectly well that it doesn't seem like there is anything that can help right now, but listen to the advice the good people of this place are about to pour out in here and try it anyway.

It does get better. It really does.

I can say it with certainty because I've been there, all the way there, and come back.

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xkcd-sucks 2928 days ago

It never gets better, one just becomes used to it and good at managing it.

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noonespecial 2928 days ago

With a sample space of exactly one, that's not my experience at all. It absolutely got better for me. Much better.

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aragorn2 2928 days ago

I don’t know if this is what you mean: I have learned to pretend like I care. To put on a smile on my kids’ birthdays, when deep inside I feel sorry for them. They are so happy now, not suspecting what awaits them when they grow up.

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maxander 2928 days ago

It doesn’t have to happen to them, they can grow up as happy as they are now. One good reason to seek help for yourself, and recover from your depression, is to give your children an example of how to respond if/when it happens to them.

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aragorn2 2928 days ago

That is a beautiful thought. I like it.

Can I mark this as an answer? :) yes spending too much time on SO.

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curtisblaine 2928 days ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder

Please, please, please consult a professional

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aragorn2 2928 days ago

Ok that fits me pretty much. I’ve been feeling like this for decades.

Thank you for your comment.

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curtisblaine 2928 days ago

You're welcome. The tricky thing is that it doesn't feel like a disorder, and reluctance to see a professional is what makes it especially hard to treat. Once you do the first step, though, everything starts to become a bit easier. So please see someone. I promise it'll be better.

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beeftime 2928 days ago

you must, must, MUST talk to a health professional. Even if you just walk to the nearest hospital or clinic and describe your symptoms and ask for a referral. This is not due to your life choices, or your personality, or your individual philosophy. This is not a healthy way to feel, but you cannot feel any differently because of this illness. This illness CAN be treated. You do not need to feel this way. There is no truth in the way you feel now, and this weight CAN be lifted off your shoulders.

Please, please, talk to a doctor.

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summm 2928 days ago

This. You might want to read http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/03/22/navigating-and-or-avoid... how to do it.

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wareotie 2928 days ago

A few years ago, without any previous symptoms, I wake up from a nap and everything looked gray.

I talked with my girlfriend about that (never with my parents, maybe I feel ashamed? ) and I talked with a professional. It helps a lot. Seriously. Go.

Few other things that work for me:

* Sleep. Man, just sleep. After two days without proper sleep, I feel like crap. Exactly with all those things that you said in mind.

* Food. No candies. Bananas are amazing.

* I fucking love coffee. But I tried not to abuse.

* Write things down. Tasks? Write them. Feelings? Write them too. Check tasks in a paper have something that helps me feel like I accomplished something. And try to do small tasks, break things into chunks. It's something very very very hard for me, but it works.

* Get angry. Really. Be mad at something. Be bordered by something. Hate something. And try to express those feelings (without being an asshole of course). Example: If someone sent me an email that I found stupid, I talk about that with my coworkers. I don't know why but makes me feel like I care about things.

* And disconnect. I used to be hyper-connected. Now I tried to minimize the number of things that I read, I don't use twitter either facebook anymore. If something does not add value to my life, I tried to avoid it.

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hello_1234 2928 days ago

Depression is a real disease. It should and can be treated. Stanford professor Sapolsky on depression - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc

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Torwald 2928 days ago

Hey aragorn2, I read trough all the comments you made here as well.

Based on that I want to recommend to you the material of Stefan Molyneux in regards to two of his keywords: self-knowledge and peaceful parenting. He talks about other things too, but I don't mean those in regards to you.

I also do want to qualify my statement thus: I am not referring so much on his main points in regards to those two topics, but more the subtler points he is making.

For example, in peaceful parenting he has an eye on how things are hereditary. It is this detail, how he observes this, that I think is helpful to you. Not so much the parenting topic in itself.

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darrelld 2928 days ago

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

I don't know the extent of what you're going through, but it can always get better.

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aragorn2 2928 days ago

Thank you kind soul. I don’t think I am suicidal.

My father did that to us when I was 17. I will not do that to my kids.

I am just so tired.

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swyea 2928 days ago

Suicide IS hereditary, please get some help! Wishing you the best!

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gremlinsinc 2928 days ago

It's actually even contagious.. when those you know commit suicide or even celebrities - it makes it seem easier to those around you. I've been struggling for the past year, myself with major depression, and I know when Chester Benngington (Linkin Park) died, for awhile it seemed like it wouldn't be such a bad idea, myself.

I had a brand new baby though, and every time I felt full of despair, I'd go and hold him for a bit. It helped bring me out, or at least give me a reason to live a bit longer till, my mood swung in the other direction.

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Koshkin 2928 days ago

The world may be meaningless, but it existed billions of years before you were born and it will go on for billions of years after you. Explore it while you have your chance.

Indeed, the world has no meaning without people, including you; each brings his/her own meaning to the world, but usually it comes down to love (for someone or something), i.e. it is love that gives meaning to life and the world in one's eyes.

If you love your children the world is not meaningless.

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aragorn2 2928 days ago

It’s strange... I do love my kids.

I don’t know maybe I care too much to the point where some fuse in my mind breaks, bringing it to some strange dull state...

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hungerstrike 2928 days ago

Go somewhere else for a week or two. Sometimes you have to change your environment. If you can’t go on vacation right now, start going somewhere else after work instead of going home right away. Maybe go to the gym in the morning.

The first time you do something is the hardest but it gets easier after that.

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krzjn 2928 days ago

Ask yourself: "If I could instantaneously become whoever I want in this world, what would it be?" This may require a lot of reflection. For every answer you come up with, ask yourself "why?" and look for bigger end goals. Think about what you want to do toward yourself, your family and friends, your community, your career, and recreation.

If you're having trouble coming up with anything, reflect upon your idols from real life, alive or dead, and from stories who have inspired and motivated you. Try this exercise: Commit to writing your stream of consciousness for 3 pages a day. Don't judge, erase, or cross out. Just keep writing whatever comes naturally to mind, and if you choose to keep it afterwards, they're for your eyes only.

Once you know who you want to become, ask yourself "What do I think I can reasonably achieve in this lifetime? What goals will help me to become this person?" When the end goal is in mind, it is easy to figure out what to do next. Ask "What are the next three things I can do now to work toward my first goal?" Do them immediately. Then starting the next day and each day forth, take one step of any size toward your goal, little by little. There are no deadlines, and there is no rush. Remember that it takes 21-30 consecutive days to create a habit where it'll become automatic.

Set yourself up for success. Set small, easily achievable goals and work your way up. Commit to a few minutes instead of hours. Let your motivation take its natural course, and allow yourself to stop for the day when you're not in the mood. Focus on 1-3 goals at a time to avoid splitting your attention. For every milestone you achieve, celebrate and congratulate yourself, then immediately look onward toward the next goal. Reward yourself regularly for taking steps and achieving goals because you're boldly taking action to change your life.

Don't count or dwell on the failures. They say nothing about your future. You are in full control of your actions now in order to shape the future. Failures tell you what you will do next time to be successful in that situation. Stay focused on achieving your goal. Decide afterwards if it works for you. Remember and tally the successes. Imagine yourself as having already achieved your end goal vividly each day. It doesn't matter where you've come from or who you were yesterday. It matters more who you want to become and where you are going.

Most importantly, HAVE FUN!