[noonespecial]

You're depressed. Clinically depressed.

Those things you are feeling are as real to you as your own right hand, but they are lies your "broken" sensors are feeding you.

I know perfectly well that it doesn't seem like there is anything that can help right now, but listen to the advice the good people of this place are about to pour out in here and try it anyway.

It does get better. It really does.

I can say it with certainty because I've been there, all the way there, and come back.

[xkcd-sucks]

It never gets better, one just becomes used to it and good at managing it.

[noonespecial]

With a sample space of exactly one, that's not my experience at all. It absolutely got better for me. Much better.

[aragorn2]

I don’t know if this is what you mean: I have learned to pretend like I care. To put on a smile on my kids’ birthdays, when deep inside I feel sorry for them. They are so happy now, not suspecting what awaits them when they grow up.

[maxander]

It doesn’t have to happen to them, they can grow up as happy as they are now. One good reason to seek help for yourself, and recover from your depression, is to give your children an example of how to respond if/when it happens to them.

[aragorn2]

That is a beautiful thought. I like it.

Can I mark this as an answer? :) yes spending too much time on SO.