I have no idea what to do with my life

[alirsgp]

Some background: I'm 25, finished my undergrad 2 years ago. I went to work for a FANG straight out of college, and also was working on some social networking apps on the side that I started in college.

At some point my apps covered my living expenses and I decided to quit my job because I felt like it was sucking away my youth.

I make enough money every month to pay my bills, and I have a decent amount of savings.

I wake up everyday and want to work on something fulfilling, but don't know where to start. I feel like I have no more purpose in life and am not sure how to spend my time.

I know this is a ridiculous first world problem, but it bothers me a lot. I tried studying math, buying drones, microscopes, and lots of other side hobbies but I need something to wake up to in the morning that keeps me hungry.

I feel like I'm dying slowly and am not sure what to do.

[nicbou]

I'm in a similar financial position, but a few years older and having the time of my life.

What works for me:

- I went to great lengths to reduce my computer time, and particularly mindless scrolling. I am also careful with video games and other time killers. These are fast food for the mind.

- I reintroduced idle time. I leave the internet out of the bedroom and enjoy quiet breakfasts on the balcony. This is where ideas take hold.

- I cook, I garden, I fix cars, I build stuff, I draw. Active or participative hobbies are absolutely essential. You gotta mold your world, not merely pass through it like a ghost.

- I explore a lot. I've explored most of my area on a bicycle, and most of Europe on a motorcycle. There's an endless world I've seen none percent of. I never regretted exploring more of it.

- I really sweat the small stuff. I try to make the ordinary things matter, and to appreciate the little rituals. I like fresh flowers, candlelight reading, tea time, sunset beer, bicycle picnics, fancy breakfasts and many other things. These are a good outlet for all your spare time.

[netsharc]

I did a bit of travelling, and after a while I felt I was just going through the motions. I'm a bit like OP, and if I followed your list I would have to wonder, are these things just things I'm doing to distract myself? I was travelling and I wondered what I was doing, I was making memories but in a few decades (fingers crossed if all goes well) these memories will go with me when I die...

I guess I'm answering my own question, we just need to distract ourselves and have fun/find fulfillment so long as we're capable of experiencing things (i.e. as long as our brains can be stimulated, which will end when we die).

[nicbou]

That falls within the purview of philosophy.

You'll die regardless of what you do. You might as well enjoy the ride.

[pyinstallwoes]

I started making music. I picked guitar and electronic music production. It seems to be the nexus of all the things I found interesting in my life: creativity, esoteric knowledge, geometry and mathematics, language, technicality.

I never thought I’d go down the music path seriously but now it’s the only thing I can generate a sense of purpose from and I am enjoying it. Music is the perfect universal thing to unify all abstractions in life in a common core. It seems the ancients had this knowledge but over the years learning music became less and less mandatory and or important.

Music, I’ve come to learn, _is_ the universal language between all things and connects to everything in a very real way to such an extent it can show the relation between abstract models in a tangible way because it’s the bridge between realities. For instance color, geometry, frequency, scales, and ratios/celestial orbits. They all integrate (have in common with music).

Sentience etymologically is a Being which feels; to feel is to aware of vibrations from frequencies, music is the experience of integrating all the senses into one.

Just my thoughts and experience. Feel free to ignore.

[trendoid]

This is not relevant to OP but I am wondering if you can share how you went about learning electronic music production. Any good resources or advice?

[jsilence]

Some random advice in no particular order.

* Music production on the PC can be really cheap, almost for free, but it can be really overwhelming and hard to figure out where to start.

* The hardware synth (dawless) route can be a deep rabbit hole leading to GAS (gear aquisition syndrome). Resist.

* Music is more about intervals, the distances between notes, than about the notes themselves. Let this sink in.

* If I were to only buy one piece of gear at all, I'd buy the Synthstrom Deluge. Really immediate, easy to get into and still deep and powerful. This the device you want.

* If the Deluge is out of your budget, get a used Novation Circuit on Craigslist.

* The limitations hardware synths have, can be a challenge sparking creativity. Embrace the limitations.

* Layers.

* Don't fill up all the space. Deliberately leave some room.

* Record everything.

* There are no wrong notes. There is only tension and release. Tension can be good. It is interesting. Learn to build tension and how to release it. Practice.

* Don't overthink it. Practice. Better to knock out a bunch of shitty or mediocre tracks than thinking about that one smash hit you never make.

* Modular is a money grave. VCVRack is for free. Omri Cohen is your best friend in this realm. Bespoke synth gives you even more freedom.

* Music theory is helpful if you understand that it is only a lighthouse. You can still go whereever you want.

* Start here if you are a computer nerd: https://eev.ee/blog/2016/09/15/music-theory-for-nerds/

* Start here if you are afraid of Music theory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoeHDN2FVTc

[random_moonwalk]

After deciding on a DAW, IMO the first pieces of gear worth investing in are decent studio monitors and headphones. Nothing helped more to improve my music than being able to hear it properly.

[trendoid]

Thanks a lot, that was great! Any particular resources online that helped you in learning electronic music production?

[jsilence]

Mostly Youtube.

There are some good channels about gear, like Loopop, BoBeats, Gabe Miller. I spent too much time there. Regarding making music I got more out of Andrew Huang, Red Means Recording, Adam Neely, David Bennett and Underdog Electronic Music School.

I watched Music Theory videos for a while because I wanted to understand it. That one Synth Seeker video in my previous post is the one where it clicked for me.

If you are lacking inspiration as a beginner, not knowing what to do sitting in front of your gear, you might want to recreate songs you like. Makes you listen and analyse what the creator did and train how to achive this on you own gear.

[pyinstallwoes]

This is excellent advice. I'm still learning, however the closest thing to "learning music" is "learning programming" in the sense that, at least for me, the way I learned programming was to just immerse myself in it. Let curiosity drive me but try to have some goals.

However in the beginning no one knows what their goals really are, and that learning curve is really brutal for programming and music is the only other thing that I've done that has an equivalent feeling of "I suck at this" until it just "clicks" and then you're over the hump and now you can at least understand the map of the territory vs not even know how to navigate the map. Similarly to programming, it can feel like you're in a submarine of thousands of buttons not knowing which to push for what to do whatever.

I hit my stride learning programming when I tried to build stuff instead of just follow tutorials or books. I think Music or really anything is quite the same; you just have to align motivation and discipline with experimentation. Easier said than done of course.

Besides that, I highly echo the tone of constraints that jsilence made. Leverage constraints so you narrow your field of focus to learn the fundamentals and you'll naturally grow out of the "fog of war" so to speak without overwhelming yourself, plus it'll feel rewarding working within a area of constraint. For example:

1. Pick Ableton Live - it's a great DAW for both live music and recording. They really upped their game with the last update to 11 and their overall UI is very well designed in mind of all archetypes of musicianship.

2. Use stock Ableton plugins for everything as your primary constraint. A lot of people go yak shaving on plugins similarly to text editors and language wars in programming. The stock plugins are extremely high quality and anyone dismisinng them probably doesn't know what they're talking about and just drinking the cool-aid. Side note: you'll hear extremely conflicting ways to accomplish things in Music because it has many ways to reach a conclusion similar to code.

3. Focus on a particular genre of music that you like so you can have fun and enjoy it. It's really important to try to just have fun - it helps get 'in the flow' but also be mindful of 'experimenting without getting anything done' force yourself to 'finish a track' even if it's just a 4/4 beat over 64 bars with 2 unique loops of 4 bars. Those types of 'configurations' can really make you grow quick in my opinion.

4. Most importantly as also jsilence pointed out, and I only recently really digested the significance of this: music is all about the in-between, the space, the pause which gives life to the "pulse" and if you understand three things: 1. Pulse 2. What is different 3. What is similar then you will understand all music.

tl;dr in the beginning it's okay to suck, embrace it and have fun with some constraints. Avoid overwhelming yourself with yak-shaving. The pulse is everything.

[jsilence]

Well said!!

[PragmaticPulp]

Solo hobbies and solo work only go so far.

If you want to make an impact, nothing beats working with other people. Managing teams, starting a company with others, doing hobbies together.

Working with a team to solve a boring problem together can be more fulfilling than working alone to solve a complex problem. Don’t underestimate the value of the social component.

[nicbou]

Consider volunteering and building things that are not financially motivated too.

I found networking surprisingly beneficial, even as an introvert. I ended up creating a network of informal business relationships where no money is exchanged, just leads and useful advice. We occasionally meet over drinks to talk shop.

[johnny35]

This is not a first world problem it is the universal human problem of finding meaning in life. This question is the fuel that keeps religions running. There are myriad supposed answers and even more practitioners that would like you as a client and will promise the answers you seek. Use the motivation, time, and resources you have today to search for your own answers. Your mind and body should be as sharp as possible to allow you to take a path of strength rather than weakness, and to put it more simply, to be capable of resisting being taken advantage of. You'd be prudent to dial in your sleep, nutrition, and physical activity while you're in this phase. This won't last forever and you will end up with beliefs about the meaning (or meaninglessness) of life, so my advice is to put your thumb on the scale - by ensuring your body and mind are in good condition - and make it more likely you land on a personally empowered outlook.

[coolhoody]

We all are dying slowly doing meaningless things. The trick is not to pay attention.

You gotta keep looking around — without desperation, but with curiosity. Charity, chess, spying for New Zealand, exploring nudism and Rust — until you've tried everything it's too early to feel bored.

I'm clinically depressed / adhd, slowly finishing up my savings, and not sure if I'll be able to recover and start earning and enjoying life. Started posing at HN to not lose the ability to speak.

Don't be me. It starts with small things, and then entraps.

Socialize with positive people, care about your body, run like Phoebe from 'Friends', and never ever allow anyone — including yourself — to doubt you. Fuck everybody¹, enjoy everything.

———

¹ Metaphorically speaking.

[runjake]

I’m 50 and happy.

Almost nobody else knows what to do with their lives, either.

The keys seem to be:

- Anchor your happiness to things internal to you, and not the environment.

- No matter what successes you reach, there will always be ups and downs. Those are natural.

- Career and goal-wise: if stuck, just pick something and tend toward making small iterative improvements to whatever you’ve got going.

Me? I knew I was going to end up in jail pretty early in life, so I joined the military at 18, and got into an excellent technical job.

I still run into periods where I supposedly don’t know what I’m doing, but I recognize it’s normal and don’t worry too much and it passes.

[decafquest]

I've been through a similar phase. Cutting down on the things you don't feel like doing is already a good first step.

Then, like many have commented already, it always helps to find a group of people to talk to and to do so some activities with them. It doesn't have to be an ongoing everyday intensive meetups, chatting, and activities. But finding people with whom you have common interests does help a lot in sparking ideas, inspiring you to figure new things out, challenging you to get out of your comfort zone, and eventually to figure know yourself better and what you like to do.

When I was in your situation, I was already on twitter, and my behavior reflected in a way where I was constantly picking fights with everyone. When I took a step back, and did some introspection, I noticed that I was being unnecessarily aggressive because I was frustrated.

So I changed the way I used twitter, and this helped me meet like minded people, some of whom I got the chance to meet in person, and many others with whom I connected virtually.

The opportunities are endless, and it doesn't have to be an in-person group. All it takes is to find what your interests are, and to look for other nice people who share the same interests as you. With time you'll grow, learn new things, and feel more satisfied. Hope this helps. Mucho ánimo.

[bmitc]

I suggest seeing both a professional psychiatrist (medical doctor) and psychologist (therapist). These feelings and emotional states can quickly get out of control, and it's best to get a handle on them ASAP from professionals.

> I tried studying math, buying drones, microscopes, and lots of other side hobbies

I am not sure what else you've tried, but these are all technocratic activities. Try something that quite literally grounds you. I would suggest things along the lines of gardening (your own garden or as a volunteer) or volunteering at Habitat for Humanity or other volunteer opportunities or martial arts. Humans are not evolved to be surrounded by and inundated with modern technology. We are evolved to move, touch dirt, and use our mind, body, and senses as one. Find something that connects you with other people, where they may even depend on you, and also connects you with the ground and nature. Many places need volunteers for a variety of work, which can often be fulfilling and create situations where people depend on you, which will help create drive.

As someone who deeply struggles with the philosophical questions that arise out of living in this world, I find it is best not to dwell on things like purpose. Out of all the questions we have about the universe, how would "answers" even help? If someone were able to tell you your purpose, if such a thing could exist, how would it affect you or change things? A good thing to learn is being content. You are this being in this world, nothing more and nothing less, and so the best way to live your life is to live it and stop thinking about living it.

[prosaic-hacker]

One mans suggestion. Get back to using your skills (for pay or volunteer) with real people. The first world has lots ills. Work in medical, legal, educational, environmental, or social service organizations as close as you can to where you can see real life difficulties. Inspiration may not be a fast discovery. It may require more that one environment before you find it. You have to move on if after a year or so if nothing come up.

[simne]

All you write, are normal for young people.

You will not believe, if I will list all things I've tried in my life (I don't mean drugs, sure, but you may need consult with doctor) :)

And I must say, I every day feel the same things, and constantly doing things to achieve calmness, but got it only for moments.

All these things because hormones, they will become less active approximately after your 40, but you will also have less energy.

This is nature, or God, if you prefer. We are created as collective beings, one person is not strong enough to withstand real life consequences. So solution, to find some good group of people, with strong life values, better offline group, and to make balance between your work/business tries and this group life.

If you feeling absolutely sure in environment where you live now, you may try to start some your own project, or you may start build your community, but this is harder than join already established community.

[syntheweave]

You've been out of school long enough to have a different perspective on it if you go back. You don't have to do a degree, in fact it's better to just bounce around the local CC or online courses doing one "fun" extracurricular at a time. Taking the class makes a little commitment and the structured environment gives it more weight so that you have a "thing to wake up to in the morning".

Some good courses to try that you probably missed while aiming for the software career: philosophy, the arts, history, physical sciences, shop classes, sports/dance/martial arts.

Ultimately the goal is to find the thing you can study forever, or some kind of stewardship role that you're comfortable with. When you solve a lower order of struggle in life that frees you up to work on a higher one. But you have to grow into that kind of thing. Life never really gets easy.

[_gtly]

Though this may not work out very well in a Covid-inflicted world, one thing you could consider is traveling the world. You can pick up a Lonely Planet for a country that interests you and stay in modestly-priced hostels/hotels. It can be great to experience new cultures and meet other travelers. It can actually help you understand yourself and your own culture/values better. You can potentially do consulting gigs while you travel to help pay the bills.

Another thing you might try is to do something like a 10-day meditation course. You can find many places for this here: https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index

Good luck to you!!

[nicbou]

Just adding to this: travelling is a deeply personal thing. You might need a few attempts before you discover what works for you.

[roshansingh]

I feel this from time to time. I found that I needed to separate pleasure, work and leisure. I do random stuff for pleasure, which does not lead to any meaningful result at work. But it makes me feel that I am learning something.

I work for money. I do not necessarily derive pleasure from work but it pays the bills. I try not to work at high pressure environments.

For leisure, I have friends who just like to chit-chat, relax and play some games or go on hikes. We rarely discuss work. I love that about my friend circle that I can totally disconnect from my personal problems and work pressure and just relax.

I think you need to take it easy on yourself and take a 2-4 weeks time off from everything. Relax and decide what is important for you.

[hnrss]

The contemporary world can be very isolating. Realizing that it's a systemic problem instead of an individual one is the first step to figuring out how you might go about finding something that will be personally meaningful. You might consider learning about meditation or joining a local yoga studio since that can be a good way to develop meta-cognitive skills to deal with feelings of isolation. It won't solve the systemic problems, that requires large scale cooperation and political effort, but it will help you get through a rough patch and give you time to think how you might contribute to solving the larger systemic issues.

[frontman1988]

Try taking a break. Things have followed a fixed path for you, maybe a bit of meandering will help. Chase some new experiences. Youth is the best time to do it. And given that you have money it will be even better. Go climb the 8000 meter tall Himalayas, scuba dive the Great Barrier Reef, cross the Sahara desert. Do anything you want. Maybe a bit of adventure, maybe some relaxing in nature. I like remembering the lyrics of Pink floyds song "Breathe" when such thoughts cross my mind:

"Long you live and high you fly

Smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry

And all you touch and all you see

Is all your life will ever be"

[paulcole]

I’ll say the opposite. Lay in bed. Watch TV. Go to the movies. Go to Starbucks.

It’s all arbitrary. Who really knows?

[spython]

You write that you've got decent economical success, but what about the social part? Did you manage to find 'your people'? Friends? People with whom you want to spend your time? Love interests?

[alirsgp]

Have a gf, but very bad social life. Not sure where to look. Do I move out of the bay area?

[samh748]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation.

I'm actually quite surprised that most comments here focus on external solutions. Personally, the only thing that helped me in the past were inner-world related, things like personal growth etc.

I recently started a post [1] to try to offer guidance on this sort of stuff, so if you're interested or curious, drop me a comment and I'll see what I can do.

Hang in there!

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31065876

[heavyset_go]

Helping other people tends to give people purpose and exponential rewards.

You have a lot of free time, figure out a way to use your time, knowledge and resources to impact others in ways that really matter.

[fidrelity]

Don't look outside for purpose, try finding it within.

Which things do have intrinsic value to you? Think of things you do that give your joy which can not be replaced with money. Those things don't have to be static until eternity. The hardest is probably to not 'do' anything and just feel joy and gratefulness for the present moment, whatever it is.

Congrats on escaping the hamster wheel, good luck in facing the bigger challenges of being human!

[xiphias2]

Did you invest your money?

Trying to get promotions all the time sucks away your life, but when I started looking at work as just a way to get enough money to invest, and building wealth as my primary goal, my life got much easier.

As the ,,what to do with my life'' part: it doesn't really matter, I just do random stuff like everybody else.

[pyuser583]

I was in your spot. I’ll give you my answer, but the search for meaning is highly individual.

I got married and started having kids. It’s worth it.

Also there’s religion. A sensitive topic.

While I’m certain I found the right religion, and everyone is else is going to Hell, I don’t know you, and so I don’t know if I want to spend all eternity in heaven with you. Sorry.

[tobeyesong]

My goal is to be in your position so I can: -Draw human anatomy -Make music through DAWs -Hiking, camping, snowboarding -Meditative retreat -BJJ -Do NOTHING

The way I see it, an existential crisis is a good problem to have when your expenses are covered. That's when life starts.

[DevToRecruiter]

I feel the same way. In my case I have no love interest so I can at least pretend that that will help (it won’t). If you’re like me then it’s a near certainty that none of the suggestions here will help. I don’t have anything to offer. Im suffering with you. Alone.

[lastofus]

Consider working for a non-profit, or company with a mission that you feel strongly about. When you see the end result of your days labor bring good to some people, it can be quite fulfilling in a way that bringing home a FAANG paycheck can not be.

[t-3]

Nobody has any idea, and that's OK. We're all "dying slowly", one day at a time. You'll get over it. Have some fun, you're still very young and ideas will come with time and experience.

[adyashakti]

Of course. You are at the stage of life when it is natural to inquire into the fundamental questions of life: Who am I? What am I? What am I here to do? What is the meaning of life? etc.

At that age, I was a successful studio musician. Like you, I found the prospect of continuing in that mode of life empty and distressing. Long story short, I found a guru and went to India to serve and learn from him.

Now in my mature years I derive great satisfaction, comfort and peace from what I learned and did. The great questions have been answered. There is no more fear or uncertainty in that regard. I now serve as a teacher for others, and they report similar experiences.

Sure there are lots of phonies in this business, but if you can find someone sincere, skilled and actually Self-realized, the benefits are unparalleled. Good luck.

[mbrodersen]

Pay careful attention to when you feel happy. What were you doing at that point in time? Talking to friends? Reading about X? Whatever it is spend more time on it.

[devdao]

Help others. Build community.

I do that every day at DeveloperDAO. You can join us, or any other positive community with a focus on helping people.

[doktorhladnjak]

I mean, we're all dying either slowly or quickly

[ceasesurthinko]

Startup time.

[b20000]

how did you manage to build a social app that covers your living expenses?

[vanrysss]

Find a fun way to waste it.

[sgt]

Try getting a kid.

[uniqueuid]

But only if you're vaguely OK with a trip that lasts ~20 years and has no exit option.

[enos_feedler]

As someone who has a father who basically showed no interest since I was 20, I can say you should consider it a much longer trip than 20 years for the health and sanity of your kids

[meristohm]

We all have problems, challenges, struggles: it seems natural for anyone, regardless of how well their basic needs can be met, to suffer. I feel that we easily make trouble for ourselves, and that too many of us have it too easy, which ends up being rather difficult.

Some actions that have helped me (I'm in my 40s, male, an at-home father supported by my spouse to care for our child with disabilities, and I have no significantly-debilitating health concerns):

Breath-holding practice: the most afraid I've ever been (that I can remember--perhaps something worse happened when I was very young) is when I was underwater and a trainer grabbed my leg to keep me under (all part of the test; consensual on my part). I was not ready for that sort of work, and I opted out. The experience sparked something in me, though, and I've since worked on my breathing so I'm more and more comfortable going longer without oxygen, and so I'm generally well-oxygenated and well-regulated (see book Breath by James Nestor and Breath Taking by Michael Stephen), practicing many times throughout the day to inhale over about five seconds and exhale over six or so; helps against anxiety.

Going longer without food: another opt-in stress, rather than being subjected to it, fasting has recalibrated my relationship with food. The old grooves of eating to escape emotions are still there, but I can manage much better now that I've gone more than 60 hours without eating and am ramping up to go longer (taking it slow so as not to disrupt my parenting and homemaking responsibilities). This is after a couple months of practice, after years of dabbling and being aware of fasting as a thing but not actually committing. I found the book Life in the Fasting Lane, by Dr. Jason Fung, Eve Mayer, and Megan Ramos to be helpful. Fasting will keep you hungry at first, and then you'll be able to ride the waves of hunger, let them swell and ebb, and get into a focused "hunt" mode. If you go long enough, beyond about 48 hours when autophagy kicks in, you might find yourself waking up clear-headed (I do, anyway) and with less pain (at your age maybe these aren't concerns). I'm now comfortable with a single high-quality meal each day as a baseline; there's no room for less-sustaining foodstuffs that have a lot of sugars, in part because I am now more aware of what I feel like after eating junkfood. Same with alcohol--I occasionally have a sip out of curiosity/nostalgia, but after a couple years away from it the benefits are far outweighed by the negative consequences. I don't miss it.

Doing one thing at a time: Like with fasting, I've known about and dabbled with meditation for years. Only recently have I started practicing doing just one thing at a time and being okay with missing out on also listening to a podcast or audiobook or music while I wash dishes, for example. When I go out for a walk, I'm rarely listening to anything anymore, and letting my mind freely associate. I tend not to practice the increase-time-between-thoughts meditation, and mostly practice being present with whatever I'm doing. This is both important for me and for my child when we're playing together or I'm reading aloud or we're outside exploring, and so on.

Reading old books, and books about other cultures: Don Quixote is more than 400 years old, and it's clear we haven't changed much. This perspective helped me relax and accept this life, this story I have a hand in writing, and that my book will end. Reading The Old Way by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas opened my eyes to the stresses of hunter-gatherer life (for example, women in the group she visited only menstruated when there was enough nutrition available). I feel that if we still lived like that life would not be easy but we'd also have fewer of the struggles you're describing. There would also be fewer humans, which feels appropriate given how much we have changed life on Earth.

From The Blindboy Podcast (instrumental in my mental-health-improvement journey): "You are better than no one, and no one is better than you." The best time to make mistakes is during youth, and then keep making them and adjusting! I haven't fully internalized this yet, being a perfectionist much of my life, but I'm increasingly willing to risk looking like a fool to myself and others. Parenting helped open that door but don't think it's the only way. Blindboy's point: decouple your self-worth from your actions.

Pick a thing to get really good at: For me it is bicycling; I've spent more than ten thousand hours on a bicycle, mostly for transportation. Having some idea what it's like to get so good at something helps me choose how I spend my time. When I play videogames now it is with the understanding that I could be doing something else ("ideally" reading) but that this current obsession will run its course. Regret isn't helpful. Considering what my future self will think is helpful, and in times when I just want to zone out in videogame-flow (a weaker form of creative flow; feels like flow but I can feel hollow afterwards rather than full and refreshed) I do the more-difficult thing and sit with my emotions awhile, then either consume something healthier (reading or watching something that helps me grow) or practice creativity through writing, drawing, humming, or any other art.

Good luck!