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I suggest seeing both a professional psychiatrist (medical doctor) and psychologist (therapist). These feelings and emotional states can quickly get out of control, and it's best to get a handle on them ASAP from professionals. > I tried studying math, buying drones, microscopes, and lots of other side hobbies I am not sure what else you've tried, but these are all technocratic activities. Try something that quite literally grounds you. I would suggest things along the lines of gardening (your own garden or as a volunteer) or volunteering at Habitat for Humanity or other volunteer opportunities or martial arts. Humans are not evolved to be surrounded by and inundated with modern technology. We are evolved to move, touch dirt, and use our mind, body, and senses as one. Find something that connects you with other people, where they may even depend on you, and also connects you with the ground and nature. Many places need volunteers for a variety of work, which can often be fulfilling and create situations where people depend on you, which will help create drive. As someone who deeply struggles with the philosophical questions that arise out of living in this world, I find it is best not to dwell on things like purpose. Out of all the questions we have about the universe, how would "answers" even help? If someone were able to tell you your purpose, if such a thing could exist, how would it affect you or change things? A good thing to learn is being content. You are this being in this world, nothing more and nothing less, and so the best way to live your life is to live it and stop thinking about living it. |