[kerkeslager]

> There were two big problems. One is that you feel disconnected from society. This is hard to explain but being outside of normal social structures you lose a sense of context and meaning to your actions. Second is that when you don't have any social or financial pressures it's hard to avoid the path of least resistance. It's very easy to fall into bad habits, just watching youtube, reading reddit, bad diet, etc.

This strikes me as an extraordinary failure of imagination. There are other communities that have nothing to do with money, and other activities that have nothing to do with work, or sitting at home on the internet.

I'm living in my van currently and once I finish pay off my debts, I'll have few expenses. I spend my time rock climbing and volunteering, and both these have communities around them that I'm deeply connected with. My goals these days are around rock climbing, guitar, and helping underprivileged people in my community gain more agency over their lives. I'm in better shape and eat better than most of my friends who work more than I do.

Sure, doing nothing isn't very enjoyable. So maybe when you quit your job, don't do nothing.

[perfmode]

it’s true it indicates a failure of imagination, but i wouldn’t be so quick to make a personal indictment.

i, too, have been financially independent for the past year. past employer IPO. modest take.

for the past couple months, i’ve struggled with the same issue described by the OP.

for me, it’s a challenge of community. i spent so long living the silicon valley engineer lifestyle, along with others on that same track.

now, i find myself without community. in college, i dated liberal arts majors who live in co-ops, prioritize relationships, etc. i know they’re all out there in the world living out the type of life that remains a projection for me.

it just feels challenging to jump out of my self and my habits to start living a very different type of life.

this is my daily task. i understand it’s in my hands. my responsibility.

but feeling the acute challenge on a daily basis, i understand where the OP is coming from.

[kerkeslager]

The decisions I've made in my life which I've looked back on the most positively were ones that were far outside my comfort zone, and I'm not going to pretend I did that on my own courage. In every case it's been because someone gave me a kick in the pants. Call it a "personal indictment" if you wish, but the intentions aren't to hurt the person, it's to motivate them.

[mercer]

See my other comment, but I'd love to hear actionable steps to take to make these decisions with 'outside courage'!

[mensetmanusman]

This is a rough time for those without a strong community. I feel for you, good luck

[mercer]

>> There were two big problems. One is that you feel disconnected from society. This is hard to explain but being outside of normal social structures you lose a sense of context and meaning to your actions. Second is that when you don't have any social or financial pressures it's hard to avoid the path of least resistance. It's very easy to fall into bad habits, just watching youtube, reading reddit, bad diet, etc. This strikes me as an extraordinary failure of imagination. There are other communities that have nothing to do with money, and other activities that have nothing to do with work, or sitting at home on the internet.

> I'm living in my van currently and once I finish pay off my debts, I'll have few expenses. I spend my time rock climbing and volunteering, and both these have communities around them that I'm deeply connected with. My goals these days are around rock climbing, guitar, and helping underprivileged people in my community gain more agency over their lives. I'm in better shape and eat better than most of my friends who work more than I do.

> Sure, doing nothing isn't very enjoyable. So maybe when you quit your job, don't do nothing.

If you're up for it, I'd very much like to hear more about the concrete steps you took to get where you are. Or some blog posts (haven't checked the link on your profile yet, so maybe they're already there?).

But what I can say is that your suggestion is just really fucking difficult to put into practice. For me, at least. While I've got a bunch of issues going on that legitimately do make all of this difficult, a more general problem is that I've found it so much easier to go and live in a van than I've found it to shed the behaviors that have defined me for almost a decade. There's progress: I'm at least noticing how much of what I do day to day just doesn't make sense anymore, but actually changing my behavior as a result of these observations has proven much more difficult than I expected.

[kerkeslager]

Yeah, I apologize if I came across as saying this is easy: it's definitely not easy. I'd also be interested in hearing ways in which you've been successful in changing your lifestyle.

Getting into rock climbing has been huge for me. It's given me long-term goals, a community, fitness, and challenges to overcome that I care about.

I've also done a good job of removing addictions from my life. I don't have a Facebook account, and largely haven't gotten involved in most social media. In a sense, my biggest failure is that I'm here: detaching myself from social media has proven to be the biggest challenge in removing wastes of time from my life. There's some payoff here, but compared to the time I put into it, it's not a net gain.

I've also invested a lot of time in developing fewer, but deeper relationships. My friends now are people who show up for me and I show up for them and we're honest with each other (brutally so, in some cases). This is why a lot of my posts on HN get downvoted; I've come to believe that attempts to soften negative feedback just cause it to not be heard--it's kinder to be a bit harsh than to understate problems.

Volunteering has been a big thing for me, although I'm less involved right now (focusing on adjusting to some big life changes I've made). Helping other people has given me a big sense of community and purpose.

[mercer]

> Yeah, I apologize if I came across as saying this is easy: it's definitely not easy. I'd also be interested in hearing ways in which you've been successful in changing your lifestyle.

So far it's been really difficult. I don't want to excuse it by arguing that my (high-functioning) autism and OCD/anxiety issues make it really difficult to make changes in general, but they do play a role.

That said, your experience sounds solid to me and I've actually been really interested in rock climbing specifically. Any way I could ask you for advice/input outside of this public forum? If yes, you can find my email in my profile.

EDIT: I'll add that it's the volunteering part that makes me want to talk more. My late teens up until my mid-twenties were defined by various forms of volunteering, and I seriously considered becoming a 'professional' volunteer (priest/monk). so it's close to my heart but far away from my current-day practice.

EDIT2: for the benefit of anyone reading along, zen, mindfulness, and taking all my problems less seriously and focusing on fundamentals (diet, exercise, friendships) have had the most positive impact by far! Therapy too, for the stuff that all the previous stuff can't fix (and crucially, not giving up after the first therapist who only made my situation worse. finding a therapist you 'click' with is, as far as current knowledge is concerned, the best predictor of effective therapy)!

[Nasrudith]

It may be a failure of imagination but it is far from extraordinary unfortunately. It is a rare situation which receives little training, thought, or societal institutions. For millenia following was largely the only viable defeat essentially. Even nobility who became divorced from occupying duties had the same issues with use of idle time. The "Gentleman Scientest" or successful activist/reformer or similiar people who used their time wisely were the extraordinary ones even among the already extraordinary very small pool of privledged idle rich.

I can only conclude that failure of imagination is unfortunately not only ordinary but the default.