[mephitix]

This hits pretty close to home. I've been seeing therapists for my anxiety but they haven't really helped much, and occasionally there are times when I just have a pretty bad day.

I have a lot of fear, but there is no physical manifestation of it - it is fear of lack of worth, lack of success, lack of love, lack of acknowledgement. I overanalyze everything that I do and everything others say or do to me.

I could probably point to many things in my past to blame but I'm done trying to retro-analyze myself and just want to fix things.

I'm afraid of trying anti-depressants but I've been seriously thinking about getting a dog (I liked that Wil mentioned that his dogs help him :). I've always wanted one and I feel like at the least doggo would give me some comfort and put things in perspective.

I really appreciate Wil writing his thoughts down and giving suggestions. It definitely helps a lot. I actually keep a running list of tiny things that I've found that help me - things to think about and do, in a moment of anxiety or sadness. One day I hope to share that with others too.

[danra]

> This hits pretty close to home. I've been seeing therapists for my anxiety but they haven't really helped much

My personal experience was similar - I’ve seen numerous therapists over the years before finally meeting a therapist who did help very much. It seems to me that finding a good therapist - one who is both objectively good at his job and subjectively fits your needs in his work method and personality - is hard.

I think this is something that gets missed a lot. Any therapist worth his salt would tell you that therapy is a long process which requires time to succeed. And that’s true, but it also makes it even harder to find a good fit. None of my non-matching therapists ever told me I should consider a different therapist, even when in retrospect it was the right thing to do after giving their own process a good long chance. While the principal-agent problem may be a factor, I think the main reason is the therapists’ sincere will to help (with their own process). But it also means that unless you are already aware of the fact that therapists aren’t all similar, given the super-subjective nature of the therapy process, you might incorrectly give up on the prospect of finding a good therapist for you, or be stuck with a non-matching therapist for too long.

I wouldn’t usually share something this personal on HN, but I did hoping it might encourage you to not give up on finding your therapist.

[mephitix]

Thank you! I have heard this (keep trying other therapists before finding one that works for you) before from others but never from someone who went through it. So I really appreciate you sharing this.

[gh02t]

Pets can be helpful, but I really want to say also that you shouldn't be afraid to try antidepressants. There are all sorts of stigmas about how they make you a zombie etc, but the fact is that they do work for people and I know plenty of people who lead normal lives thanks to medicine, myself included, without experiencing that sort of thing. They do not work for everybody, and they do make you feel kinda ill the first few days, but for most people that is temporary and things get better from there.

All I am saying is that it is worth at least discussing with a doctor if you haven't and it may help if therapy has been ineffective. My own case is not that severe, but I know several people who have had their lives change dramatically for the better after starting proper meds after years of suffering because they believed all the stigma around antidepressants and depression in general. It can be hard for someone who is depressed and needs medicine to understand what the drugs are for, because they don't have any perspective on what it's like to feel "normal." Just gaining a bit of that perspective can be enough to help people manage it.

Either way, I hope you can feel better soon. I know what it feels like.

[mephitix]

Hmm, yeah maybe I'll talk to a doctor about it. Possibly a psychiatrist? I was actually considering trying CBD oil because I heard some strains work well for anxiety. I know there aren't long-term studies on it but it seems to have less side-effects than anti-depressants. But a doctor would know best, like you said. I'll reconsider anti-depressants. Thanks for the advice!

[tim333]

I recommend trying CBT type stuff which I've done myself for depression with some success. My take on it is your brain is mostly a parallel processor where events trigger ideas which trigger the lower level fear, hunger type stuff often without conscious awareness. But you can fight it by, when you get a bad feeling, analysing it and arguing against - eg for lack of worth, figure out the I'm useless thought and argue - no you actually did better than most people at that or whatever. Keep going for a few days and in my experience you'll feel better. Exercise also is surprisingly effective at times - as much as anti-depressants in studies with positive rather than negative side effects.

[mephitix]

This is super interesting. I've never even heard of CBT - thought you misspelled CBD oil :) My issue is that when I'm in the moment I'm sort of paralyzed by it. An attack feels a bit like a runaway train. But lately I've gotten better at taking a step back from the situation. I think in those moments CBT would help a lot. I'll read up more about it, thanks so much for the tip.

[camel_Snake]

I've just started reading a book on CBT[0] that I have been really enjoying so far. I think the gist is that much like logical fallacies, there exist cognitive fallacies that our brains start using that alter the way we perceive reality in a negative way.

Here's [1] a kind of silly example of it in action over on the Overwatch subreddit.

[0] https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380...

[1] https://www.reddit.com/r/Overwatch/comments/85qmul/my_wife_i...

[mephitix]

I just bought the book. Only $6 and has some pretty convincing reviews. Thanks! That Overwatch worksheet is hilarious - but kind of eye-opening in a way. Seeing that made me think that I just keep running over the same thoughts over and over in my head (definition of insanity, lol) instead of writing them down and reflecting. Thanks a lot!

[flycaliguy]

Good luck! CBT doesn’t work for everybody, but since you read Hacker News I’d say there is a better chance it will align with you. Stoic philosophy and Mindfulness all touch on similar territory. I found a study of all three allowed me to pick and choose the best tidbits and internalize the processes.

[DoreenMichele]

Anxiety and depression are not the same thing. Anxiety can be a somatopsychic side effect of some physical conditions, including low blood sugar, allergies and adrenal or thyroid distress.

I used to suffer a lot of anxiety. Addressing the health issues I listed has largely put a stop to it. (In spite of being prone to being suicidal, I am not particularly prone to depression and have only suffered brief bouts of it once in a great while.)

[mephitix]

I'm pretty healthy I think, at least in the aspects you listed since I get checked out every year. I'm glad it worked for you though. One thing I need to do more is exercise, so based on your experience at least maybe that will make a big difference.

The anxiety issues have been with me since I was a kid, but it gets more aggravated in certain situations, especially for the last couple of years. There are physical manifestations of it, even when I was a kid.

It is pretty debilitating especially when I'm in public. Or if I'm alone I just get totally trapped in my worries for hours.

[DoreenMichele]

I react allergically to a lot of things, yet doctors only ever identified one thing that I was officially allergic to in their opinion. Just removing stuff from my life that I react badly to has done wonders.

Not intended as argumentative. More like food for thought.

Best of luck in finding answers that work for you.