[chmike]

My brother (manager) has been confronted to a similar situation, except that he was accused of moral harassement. The employee complained about it to the director of human ressource. They reacted swiftly. They hired an independent and specialized company to investigate the matter. The conclusion was that it was a fake accusation.

This is the correct behaviour in face of any kind of accusation between employees. This protects the company in face of justice, and gives some insurance that the truth comes out. Relying on an independent company gives some garantee (not full) that the investigation is impartial.

While this is not perfect, it is the most optimal and fair reaction in such situations.

Regarding your situation, it is understandable that it is worrying because you just discovered that you are very exposed. From what you say, it appears that what you considered small talk where questions on private activities. A normal person would simply skip it or make you understand that this is not your business. But some people can't handle that because they are socially disfunctional.

I would suggest that you keep a low profile until the end of your internship. The human resource did simple put distance between you two. So there is nothing dramatic.

Regarding the small talk, I would suggest that, in the future, you try avoiding asking questions. It is better to let the other person drive the talk so that you can easily deduce what is ok to talk about. Stay in the ok subject domain. Eventually you may share some of your private info but be attentive to the other person reaction. If he/she switch subject, it means private life discussions are to be avoided. Even that could already be enough to make socially disfunctional people inconfortable.

The fundamental rationale is just a matter of respect. Some people don't like to share private matters at work. People complaining at HR are really disfunctional because they can't handle everyday situations themselves. These kind of people are toxic in their way and potential source of problems for the company. That person who complained about your behavior has raised a red flag about herself. It's for your own safety that I suggested how to avoid being confronted to such situations again. For now buck down and let the wave pass. Good luck for your future.

[fjfkdjfjfjd]

Thanks for your insightful comment! And I'm sorry to hear of your brother's story. It has been hard, but I have suspended talking to people about non-work-related topics since this incident. I thought I was in a domain of acceptable topics, but I guess its better to exercise extreme caution. I am also not very socially-skilled so perhaps this lack of experience has been the catalyst for this incident. I would think that a normal person would signal to me that they are not interested in talking further, or should they feel bothered inform me of this prior to going directly to management, but I guess if they feel extremely threatened or intimidated, they might see management as their first option.

[watwut]

> I am also not very socially-skilled so perhaps this lack of experience has been the catalyst for this incident.

Ok, then something came across much differently then you intended. Is there a dude on the job that you could trust which could provide you honest feedback? Someone who tend to talk directly and does not badmouth others behind their back. Emphasis on trust here, really it is important that you can trust that person. Maybe the person signaled that she is not interested, but you did not get the clues.

In my experience, level of directness required when talking with people who have less social skills is level that would be rude when talking with anyone else. Some people have hard time to overcome that. I have been accused of being rude by third party when I talked to my college like that - third party did not knew the guy.

That is not to excuse going to hr instead of directly talking to you, nor excuse that hr left you confused, but to emphasis that you want to ask for feedback someone who will speak frankly to you - and will keep the discussion private.

[fjfkdjfjfjd]

Thanks for your comment. I have a male coworker on my immediate team who I feel comfortable confiding in. I am a little confused though: what sort of honest feedback should I be asking for? How I may be coming across to other people? Something else?

[watwut]

What exactly makes people uncomfortable about your innocent small talk? What could you change so that you get interpreted correctly next time? Specific info like that.

Most advice here goes toward keeping to yourself and while it can be safer up to the point, social isolation sux in long term - it sux on the job too and limits your career. Also, if you isolate yourself people wont learn how to communicate with you either and will more likely to interpret you wrong. It is certainly reasonable to be careful about communication (safe topics, end small talk soon so that they wont get wrong idea, don't be persistent, etc), but if you closing yourself entirely is bad idea. But I cant tell you exactly what good strategy would be, only someone who sees you interact every day could.

The goal is to learn how to avoid the problem without isolating (and thus potentially harming) yourself.

[watwut]

What is moral harassment?

[chmike]

I'm suprized you don't know that. We are in europe. This concept is well known here and it is illegal. Moral harrassement is humiliating someone in front of collegues, requesting to complete unachivable tasks, continuously requesting things from someone without leaving him "time to breath" or complete the previous request. And then complaining that the previous task has not been completed, threatening to fire the person or changing his holliday period in last minute to jeorpadized his planned holliday with his familiy, calling the employee for an appointment at the end of the day, let him wait 2 hours and then say the apointment is cancelled, etc. It is psychological torture, but we call it moral harassement because it affects morale and demolishes people psychically. It doesn't leave visible trace but may lead a person to commit suicide when he refuse to give up and resign. Because of lack of traces the employer can deny any responsibility. The victims often commit suicide on the work place because it's the last way they have to show that something is wrong at the workplace and the "work" led them to that.

This kind of torture may be more frequent in europe than USA because it is more difficult to let go an employee due to employee protections. Some manager then use these techniques to push employee to resign. Otherwise, it's just psychpaths who do these things.

France Telcom was a french public company that was privatized. The new management did put a lot of pressure on employe to get rid of some of them. They, for instance, moved them alone in an office in a distance place without any furniture, missions, no phone, no internet, nothing. There were many suicide in that company in that period which is not long ago.

My broder is not in such company. He is in a good company handling employees with respect so as he does.

[jnbiche]

> I'm suprized you don't know that.

They don't know because you're mistranslating from the French -- not all terms are subject to literal translation simply because they can be translated literally.

The proper translation for "harcèlement moral" in US/UK English is "workplace bullying". No English-speaking country (with English as a native tongue) commonly uses the term "moral harassment".

[chmike]

Thanks. I didn't knew that. Sorry for the confusion.

[watwut]

Different europen countries have different laws. But basically it sounds like a more elaborate bullying.

Thank you for the answer.

[fjfkdjfjfjd]

I am curious too!