[asdashopping]

I have suffered from depression for years and it is destroying my life. I read articles like this and think that what they're saying sounds like a great idea, and then proceed to completely ignore it.

I have tried multiple types of antidepressants and found the side effects unbearable. They didn't make me feel happy, they made me feel nothing.

I have tried CBT and regular therapy, both of which have failed because I was unable to motivate myself to actually go.

Maybe it is just a matter of changing how I think, but it's hard to change how you think when you don't even feel in control of your own thoughts. No matter how hard I try, I always fall back into the same patterns.

I don't why I'm writing this here. I don't know what else to do.

[dasil003]

I've suffered from depression in the past, mostly during my late teenage years and early adulthood. The first thing I will say is that depression and motivation are different for everyone, so you can take this with a huge grain of salt, but here is what helped me:

* Get sunlight — I grew up in Minnesota where if it's sunny in the winter that usually means its too cold for exposed skin outside. When I moved to Santa Fe (300+ sunny days at 7000' elevation) the first winter I was amazed at how much better I felt.

* Get exercise — Find some physical activity you enjoy (preferably outdoors) and do it. This is maybe harder for some than others, but I can't emphasize how important this is to me. I sit 10-12 hours per day in front of a computer, without outdoor activity on a regular basis I would wither.

* Check your diet — Okay, last but most certainly not least, there is more evidence coming out all the time about much diet and gut health can impact mood and psychology. One of the prominent books in this area is The GAPS Diet (http://www.gapsdiet.com), but I think this is just the tip of the iceberg. In short, if you live in America and you just eat what's easy you're probably eating a lot of processed grains that could be altering your health dramatically.

I hope those don't appear as facile answers, but the truth is those things have made a huge difference in my life. It wasn't an overnight thing, I had to grow up a bit, move away from my family, and establish my own life before I really started to feel happy. Best of luck.

[agumonkey]

I'm currently doing this, and it's having very tangible effects. One other thing I've noticed is that a little of mandatory yet unrewarding activity [1] profoundly affected my feelings, behavior and motivation. I became speedy, and time passed a lot slower [2] as opposed to when I have no obligations and everything starts to melt away.

[1] I had to work part time as a clerk at a store, it was insufferably dumb, but I left thanking them

[2] in the good kind of way, ability to be focused and do more and yet it has only been 5 minutes.

[hcarvalhoalves]

I can't stress enough how important sunlight and exercise (any exercise, even walking) is. It's ridiculous how many doctors don't prescribe this before drugs.

[mseebach]

You situation sounds like mine a few years ago.

I did CBT and ended up going (100% no-show fee can do that) - I'm not sure if it was the method (CBT) that worked, or just having a stranger say "and why is that?" a lot. Basically she did a "Five whys" on my life. It was all so simple, but I couldn't see it.

For me it was low self esteem, but veiled: I consciously knew that I was pretty good at what I did and had my life reasonably in order - I checked all the boxes, so I should be happy. "Just pull yourself together" seemed like reasonable advice, but I just couldn't do it. But subconsciously, I had huge doubts about my self worth. The first step of the solution was to reflect every evening over what I did that day and what went well to reinforce a positive self-image.

I also changed jobs (this was pre-CBT, so not a direct effect, but in retrospect it's all related) from a high uncertainty contracting gig with a promise (ha!) of becoming a start up to a bog standard full time programming gig in a good company. The new job gave me many more chances to get good results and much more time and opportunity to learn stuff and self-improve.

One habit I've taught myself is to pay attention to a certain "jab" in my stomach that I get when something is wrong. I immediately stop what I'm doing and carefully analyse the cause. More often than not, I've seen, heard or read something that plays into a subconscious fear about my self esteem, and by forcing it out into the open and applying reason to it, I can make it go away fairly simply. It's worked wonders for my overall feeling of happiness.

You situation will obviously be different from mine, but your post resonated a lot with me. Feel free to email (see my profile) if you want to continue the conversation in private.

[nisa]

> I read articles ... and then proceed to ... ignore it.

> ...unable to motivate myself to actually go

> don't even feel in control of your own thoughts

> I always fall back into the same patterns.

I'm not a doctor or professional, so take this with a huge grain of salt and get help outside of HN:

Did you consider having adult ADHD? - maybe the inattentive type? Do you have some disciplines where you still able to excel besides having problems with motivation and procrastination everywhere else?

I've lately read an adult ADHD CBT therapy book¹ and I was really surprised how it explained a lot of things in my life.

Depression is a common co-morbidity and while I'm more on the anxiety side your description sounds pretty familiar.

Knowing about these things accepting that I have to attack certain things from a different angle helps me a lot recently, I also don't feel like a stranger in the world anymore - I'm almost 30 years old and I have not much academically to show for in my life.

Maybe it's bullshit and you are better off ignoring it, but from your description I'd considering checking that angle too.

1: http://libgen.org/book/index.php?md5=b8e7b20b602fee2b1bdb1b1...

[djokkataja]

+1 to this; I was diagnosed with depression first and a year later with adult ADHD (primarily inattentive). The depression treatments weren't all that helpful, but when I started getting treated for ADHD it was extremely obvious why I had become depressed in the first place.

Try a quiz; it's no diagnosis, but you could bring it up with your doctor if your result shows that you may have some form of ADHD. http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm

[icu]

Hi, from my own experience getting out of depression and then later helping a friend out of it I firmly believe you can get out of depression if you want to.

Wanting to get out of depression is the hard part because you got to be willing to do what is necessary.

You are closer than you think to getting out of depression when you say, "Maybe it is just a matter of changing how I think." It is that. You are also right about it being hard and how easy it is to fall back into the same patterns.

He's what I've done and what I got my friend to do: break out of your daily routine.

I know this sounds like advice that isn't that different than what the other commentators have posted but it's because they are partly correct. The missing part is to incrementally break out of your daily routine by incorporating small changes as you go along.

So what do I mean?

Well try walking/driving a different way home even if it takes longer. Go to a different supermarket for food. Listen to a different radio station. Even if you hate a certain genre of music try listening to it and listen to it for longer than what you would normally trial it out for. Go to a different café or restaurant. Eat or cook new food you have never considered trying. If you can, try to do stuff you wouldn't ever 'normally do.'

The trick here is to not overwhelm yourself with too many changes too quickly or to try things that are really hard for you. This way you can actually keep to the incremental changes you are making and you don't fall back into your old patterns.

Keep sticking to these changes as you make them. Soon you will find that they will start to stack and you start to feeling new feelings. As you are going along try to stretch your routine to do ever different things. Don't rush, and don't beat yourself up. If all you can do is one thing then do that until you can do the next thing.

All the best and you can make it.

[9248]

What you described is quite close to how I manage my own depression. And it's working flawlessly, btw.

But, at least in my case, obsessively pushing myself into doing something I wouldn't ever 'normally do' had the opposite effect. I realized that there was/is probably a reason why I never tried it before, the chance that I will somehow magically start liking it now is too slim, and the only thing I was doing at that time was wasting energy that I could had otherwise spent on doing something I would've enjoyed.

The only thing that's left to add is to never push yourself into doing something you don't enjoy in hopes of finding somehow happiness. (I guess a lot of people fail here, or at least I did)

[pekk]

Get help, even if just to call a hotline or discuss once with a doctor. HN is a terrible place to get help. There are people with real expertise who can help you and want to help you, you just need to take the help.

Chronic depression is a lifelong problem, but it can be managed pretty effectively. The combination of CBT and meds is well proven with clinical trials and this does not require faith in the treatment. Just your compliance.

Unfortunately it's still your job to start getting help and comply with treatment one day at a time. Nobody else can fix this for you. Do you have something better to be doing?

The more you think you aren't in control, the more you should be following the guidance of a doctor. If you're totally lost you might need hospitalization. If that sounds bad, then take more responsibility for your own treatment.

[thret]

This may not help you, but it might help others understand what you mean: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/adventures-...

I kind of agree with everyone else though, some exercise and sunlight every day. And time. Change is part of life, it happens eventually.

[b1daly]

Not to be obvious, but have you tried medication? Like a lot of things YMMV but it can help a lot, and also make those other approaches more effective. Hang in there...

[slowmover]

He mentions that he's tried multiple antidepressants in the third sentence.

[slowmover]

I have nothing to offer except that I'm right there with you. It's a daily, hourly struggle. Email me if you'd like.

[RivieraKid]

Have you tried LSD or DMT? I've heard that it helped people with depression.

[hiphopyo]

You can't fool your feelings. If you're stuck in a ditch, medication or "changing the way you think" (advice from other depressed people) won't help.

You need to surround yourself with people you want to emulate as well as beautiful women 24/7. And don't forget to travel the world. This should activate those dormant parts of your brain and make you real happy.

Some of us, however, need to get rich before this can happen. So if that's the case with you, go make those apps!