[grandalf]

What makes you think you're socially compatible with most people?

I think the key is realizing that you will probably only click with a small number of people. In my case, I click amazingly well with highly educated, ambitious, often nerdy people, and horribly with people who are really into sports or drinking.

So just striking up a random conversation is unlikely ever to be particularly interesting for me. As a result, I get bored and probably come across as quite boring.

So my recommended approach is to amplify your quirky, unique aspects. These may confuse or offend most people, but once in a while you'll run into someone who gets you. Then just go with the flow.

If you really want to get good with normal people, just get a job as a waiter or bartender.

I recommend lines like "wanna go on a treasure hunt? I'm looking for bits of radioactive ore" or "i'm looking for a soul mate and i am feeling this weird connection with you".

Definitely stay away from petty compliments about earrings, etc. Those are creepy and will turn most girls off. And unless you're a jeweler there isn't really very far you are going to be able to take the conversation, even if she loves talking about earrings.

Bottom line: Maybe 1% of people will look at you and get a good, happy feeling. Half of them will be left after you say something. So don't worry about the 99.5% of people who will be difficult to engage with. Focus on putting yourself out there and the 0.5% will be magnetically drawn to you and your best characteristics.

[markpercival]

I'm the same way, I click with intelligent, inspiring and often wonderful people and horribly with people that go by the name grandalf.

Seriously, I think this is horrible advise. You can certainly surround yourself with people just like you, or you can challenge yourself and meet a whole slew of interesting people. Some of my best friends are about as polar opposite as it gets. Some even like sports!

As for the lines:

"wanna go on a treasure hunt? I'm looking for bits of radioactive ore"

This WILL NOT get you a girlfriend.

"i'm looking for a soul mate and i am feeling this weird connection with you"

This WILL. Three months later she'll kill your cat and you'll be seeking a restraining order.

My advice - be yourself, add confidence and stop worrying about how it's going to turn out.

One day you might even run into someone that is both highly educated and like sports!

[grandalf]

The point of my comment was that there's not really any point in trying to change who you are. In particular, complimenting a woman as an attempt to strike up a conversation is a guaranteed way to make her freak out (unless she is already attracted to you, but if she is then it doesn't matter what you said).

The poster's question was about initiating smalltalk. Why waste time with smalltalk when there are big, fun things to talk about? I used to waste time with smalltalk but then one day it dawned on me that it's a total waste of time -- I typically forget the name of the other person immediately when all I've done is exchange smalltalk which creates its own problems.

I'm not a professional diplomat and I'm not interviewing for a job with you, so if all you can talk about is smalltalk, then I'd rather just be alone. If you're afraid to talk about anything controversial, or can't handle it if I disagree with you, then I don't really respect you.

Sure it's fun now and then to try to click with someone who is totally different (someone who holds traditional values, more average in aspirations and interests), but the most I've ever gotten out of it is a vague sense of flattery if the person is physically attractive, and that's a terrible reason to attempt to repeat the experiment.

Being alone is OK. Cows wander in herds, and the human tug to be around people is a lower instinct. Sure it's fun sometimes, and yes it can even be fun to cheer in unison after someone hits a home run on TV, etc., but it's all an attempt to trick yourself into feeling an artificial sense of belonging with strangers.

If you want a s/o with low self esteem, then make a lot of money and try to act normal. She'll find you.

If you want a s/o who is a unique person with a life, just be yourself (even if you're a geek) and don't try to conform to perceived norms. You probably perceive the norms slightly incorrectly in the first place (or else you wouldn't be a geek) and you're likely to overthink them.

Most importantly, don't try to "find" someone. Just be happy being alone and you'll attract similarly independent people.

[stcredzero]

"wanna go on a treasure hunt? I'm looking for bits of radioactive ore"

In the world of XKCD, this seems like exactly the thing that will get you a girlfriend. One like this:

http://xkcd.com/162/

[copenja]

Sorry, but I don't %100 agree with this statement:

"Definitely stay away from petty compliments about earrings"

Women love small compliments...

The key is to be genuine about it. Do not just pick a random article of clothing and compliment it. Only mention things that truly strike you as unique and beautiful.

But admittedly it isn't the best way to start small talk with a stranger.

The conversation from there on will be colored with the idea that you are hitting on her.

But she won't find it creepy either, if done correctly.

[grandalf]

It's true that everyone enjoys a compliment now and then, but it's very easy to come across as manipulative and insincere when using a compliment as a way to strike up a conversation.

It is, in fact, manipulative -- the compliment was chosen as a way to get the person to engage in a conversation, and the assumption was made that the woman is vain enough to take the bait. I'd say it's doubly insulting more often than it's sincerely flattering.

There are occasionally exceptions when compliments are sincerely flattering to the recipient, but those are not usually times when the compliment is being used as the first step in a guy trying to get laid :) If they work, he'd already won her over in spite of the comment, not because of it.