| The point of my comment was that there's not really any point in trying to change who you are. In particular, complimenting a woman as an attempt to strike up a conversation is a guaranteed way to make her freak out (unless she is already attracted to you, but if she is then it doesn't matter what you said). The poster's question was about initiating smalltalk. Why waste time with smalltalk when there are big, fun things to talk about? I used to waste time with smalltalk but then one day it dawned on me that it's a total waste of time -- I typically forget the name of the other person immediately when all I've done is exchange smalltalk which creates its own problems. I'm not a professional diplomat and I'm not interviewing for a job with you, so if all you can talk about is smalltalk, then I'd rather just be alone. If you're afraid to talk about anything controversial, or can't handle it if I disagree with you, then I don't really respect you. Sure it's fun now and then to try to click with someone who is totally different (someone who holds traditional values, more average in aspirations and interests), but the most I've ever gotten out of it is a vague sense of flattery if the person is physically attractive, and that's a terrible reason to attempt to repeat the experiment. Being alone is OK. Cows wander in herds, and the human tug to be around people is a lower instinct. Sure it's fun sometimes, and yes it can even be fun to cheer in unison after someone hits a home run on TV, etc., but it's all an attempt to trick yourself into feeling an artificial sense of belonging with strangers. If you want a s/o with low self esteem, then make a lot of money and try to act normal. She'll find you. If you want a s/o who is a unique person with a life, just be yourself (even if you're a geek) and don't try to conform to perceived norms. You probably perceive the norms slightly incorrectly in the first place (or else you wouldn't be a geek) and you're likely to overthink them. Most importantly, don't try to "find" someone. Just be happy being alone and you'll attract similarly independent people. |