| I spent 276 days trying to figure out what to do with my life, I still don't have an answer. I have no experience in programming, nor do I have delusions about becoming an elite programmer. I just would like to learn enough to have a better filter to notice/process ideas as mentioned here: http://www.paulgraham.com/startupideas.html I have decided to commit to learn programming at a base level, enough to possibly make prototypes/potential to find co-founder. I left a previous job that paid well for many years because 1.I wasn't talented and 2.I did not see my life as being fulfilled down that path. A couple points for your consideration 1. I have over 1mm liquid, and I have no debt, don't own a house or car. This may be tacky to mention, but since I am anonymous, I just wanted to put it out there out of desperation in hopes someone can give me some solution (wishful thinking). 2. No one depends on me, I have as many hours as there are in a day to work on this. I started doing some html work on code academy, it seemed a bit slow and thorough for what I'm trying to do. I looked at Zed Shaw's courses, and they seem like a good idea, but I'm not sure if it's overkill (or underkill?) for what my goals are. If any of this makes sense, you would SIGNIFICANTLY help me by giving me guidance to help achieve my goal. I don't want to waste time learning things that I really won't need to know (near term). I have searched much, but not knowing what I need to know, it is hard to discern what is and isn't necessary. (In terms of the base goal). Maybe I am not cut out to be a founder. But I do know that reading pg's essays make my mind run wild, and I find instant inspiration and excitement in his writings. I have spent 276 days trying to figure out something else, and nothing is jumping out at me. So it's about time to make some sort of a commitment. For better or for worse. |
This can be a frightening moment -- but it is also a liberating moment, viewed correctly. At this point the self's ego-image -- the set of core beliefs about who you are, what you are destined for, how 'intelligence' and 'success' are defined -- come into conflict with the reality principle. This is naturally a very painful moment (drawn across months and even years). It is also an opportunity to redefine these core beliefs -- to reexamine them -- to ask yourself what are your fundamental assumptions about intelligence, creativity, success.
In my own experience, and watching similar-minded friends, this crisis point is a fundamental conflict between what we THINK intelligence, creativity, and genius is -- and what we actually see in ourselves. On the one hand we "know" that we are smart, imaginative -- on the other, the reality principle demands proof and evidence. But here is the paradox: this very belief in intelligence creates its own contradictions. For example, if you believe that smart people are smart because they do clever things easily -- then your brain can start to believe that if you find something hard to do, it is proof of your stupidity. The brain then finds ways to avoid this painful conflict between ego-image and reality -- by dreaming up great ambitions and projects, but then shying away from realising them. Or, you can develop an aversion to "lesser work" -- which reinforces a belief that you are innately special and "above that".
The problem is in the core assumptions one makes about worth -- examining these assumptions deeply, being open to see the paradoxes in them, the hypocrisies even, can reveal avenues out of the situation. You can find practical things to do -- this in turn can build real confidence, not ego-confidence. Work seems then less like 'drudgery' and more like the slow and steady strengthening of your powers.
Just some thoughts...