My friends left me because I told them I was a furry

[PhiPawWolf]

About 2 days ago i was walking with a few of my ¨friends¨ and i built up the courage to tell them that i was a pansexual furry (a wolf specifically) and they took off running. I dont rally know what to do and i have been pretty deppressed latey.

[Eaglo]

I don't mean to ostracize or make you feel worse, but have you considered your furry'ness is worth less than friendship? Maybe your friends creating space was a way of saying "You care more about getting attention than you do about being part of our friendship"?

Maybe set aside what you want to be (a furry) to maintain what you had (friends).

I mainly suggest it because no one teaches young people they are responsible for their happiness. Maybe you're feeling depressed because of your choices (pretending to be a wolf)?

My opinion is absolutely an unpopular one, but you have to think of your friends feelings, not just your own.

[PhiPawWolf]

i guess i should consider this you know.

[rationalist]

The other person has a point to an extent: relationships are two-way streets.

[PhiPawWolf]

well im signing off for today.

[rationalist]

Best of luck! And I hope you feel better!

[PhiPawWolf]

Hey ratonalist if you are still there or even read my stuff anymore i want to tell you that i made up with my friends and well only the girl that i ALMOST asked out stayed my friend the other 3 said they couldnt be friends with an animal and left without another word

[rationalist]

I'm glad the one person stayed your friend. I would suggest keeping the friendship the same as how it was before you told her.

I have hobbies that I don't try to impose on my friends, and if I did, they wouldn't want to be my friends anymore because they're not interested in all of the same things I am.

I don't know about you, but if I was in your shoes, I would be laughing after-the-fact about those other three. They just needed some kind of an excuse, and it was a silly one. I would be like: lol, okay, moving on.

Thanks for the update, and best of luck going forward!

[Cider9986]

I admit I have a bias against furries. Not sure where I got it, I guess people irl degrading them and social media.

But I agree with the [dead] commenter who said, "They weren't true friends if they reacted like this."

Edit:

If someone learns something new about you, it is not unreasonable for them to update their opinion.

But whether their reaction tells you something about you or something about them is a separate question. Their reaction says everything about them. Their reaction tells you whether their opinion is still worth caring about.

Hang in there.

[Cider9986]

>But I agree with the [dead] commenter who said, "They weren't true friends if they reacted like this."

I meant my edit as a revision of this. It is a nice vibe, but kind of problematic if it tries to make the previous years of friendship invalid. That would suck to have past years of friendship invalidated because of something in the future.

[PhiPawWolf]

Thats fine if you have something against furries like me you know. Just dont let it control you to hurt anyone.

[Cider9986]

I would never try to hurt someone, regardless of what I think about them.

[PhiPawWolf]

Also what do you mean by dead commenter?

[rationalist]

It's a comment that does not show up due to various reasons unless you enable seeing "dead" (hidden) comments in the settings.

And I guess someone "vouched" for that comment (which made it visible for new accounts), because I do not see any "dead" comments.

[PhiPawWolf]

I guess that makes sense

[9x39]

That's ok, you're weird and it's going to happen when you show normal people your weird side.

You just need to find other people who are your kind of weird.

[rationalist]

Or "normal"* people who don't get weirded out by unconventional things.

* There is no such thing as normal.

[Cider9986]

I agree with the vibe of the comment you are replying to, and I agree with your assessment on normal.

[rationalist]

How long have they been your friends, and how strong of a friendship was it prior to that?

Is there a reason you needed to tell others of your sexual preference? Is it intertwined with being a furry?

People can get uncomfortable and not know how to handle unexpected news. Perhaps next time when feeling like sharing something out of the ordinary with someone, maybe treat it nonchalantly, like - you: I'll be there after I drop my suit off at the cleaners (maybe they might ask what the suit is for, then say meeting up with some people, or cosplay and explain you know how people wear costumes to conventions like characters from movies or characters that they invent on their own, I invented a character that I feel describes me, (then see if they ask about it, or wait for a different opportunity))

Edit: I assumed a suit, but I suppose one can just have drawings of their fursona? I imagine fursuits are expensive and perhaps not everyone has one. Or maybe some people just have partial pieces like a tail, mask, or ear headband? I'm not that familiar with the fury culture.

[Suppafly]

> Is it intertwined with being a furry?

Notice that they didn't answer that, so you can safely assume the answer is yes and it's 100% understandable why their friends no longer want to associate with them.

[rationalist]

I'm not reading into that. Not everyone replies thoroughly, logically, and/or sequentially.

FYI, they did say in another comment that they do not use it as a sexual fetish for what it's worth.

[PhiPawWolf]

Also for the second question i just felt safe you know i didnt really care about how anyone reacts to my sexuality

[PhiPawWolf]

I just felt safe talking her and the other 3 you know.

[PhiPawWolf]

We had been friends for nearly 7 years

[PhiPawWolf]

It was also a pretty strong relationship. we had gone places together and made things together. and i almost asked her out once.

[PhiPawWolf]

And the others well i had only know them for 4 years

[knifepatrol]

If they can’t accept you for who you are, that’s their loss. I promise you there are brighter days ahead. Even if that seems hard to believe right now… it’s the truth.

[PhiPawWolf]

Thank you knifepatrol

[AkiraHsieh]

I have a few furry friends too, some who even need their fursuits for social 'interactions.' But aside from that, they're just like anyone else. To me it's like having a friend who collects stamps - don't worry too much about others' opinions, as long as you're not harming anyone. Hope this helps.

[serf]

is telling non-sexual partners about ones' own proclivities a means to seek validation for behavior that the person internally defines as socially fringe or uncommon?

[allears]

I agree with everybody else. Friends don't judge, and these people didn't come through when you needed a little support. It's their loss, not yours.

[PhiPawWolf]

I believe that, i guess. so thx

[HardwareLust]

If your "friends" left you because you told them you were a furry, then they were never your friends to begin with.

Now that you've shed that baggage, go find some real friends.

[Cider9986]

Does it really make people "not your friends to begin with" if they react badly to learning something new about you?

I am not saying this is the same situation at all, but it would not make someone "not your friend to begin with" if you were good friends for a while but then they started serial killing. Even if being a furry is no big deal at all, people do stupid things—that doesn't erase what came before.

I certainly don't think you should leave your friends over them being a furry, but friends are complicated. You can have a meaningful friendship with someone who turns out to have serious flaws. I wouldn't want to invalidate a past friendship.

[rationalist]

True; sometimes good people don't know how to handle shocking (unconventional) news.

[PhiPawWolf]

Thank you i guess ill go fix things with her and the others

[rationalist]

Maybe start with an apology: hey, I'm sorry if I shocked you with that, I know it's not conventional, and the last thing I want to do is make my friends feel uncomfortable. I know that some people can think it's weird because there are some weird people that do weird things in fursuits, but I just wanted to let you know that's not me. It's just a character I like to cosplay as, kind of like how people dress up at anime conventions

Just an example, I don't have all the details or know you or anything. Edit it or write your own, or take a completely different approach. I'm not an expert at these kinds of things.

[rationalist]

If you've tried reaching out already in the past couple of days and they were ghosting you: maybe have a day-long cool down period (not texting them), then say, "I value our friendship, so I asked some (non-fury) people for advice, and I want to apologize...

[PhiPawWolf]

Yeah i think i will

[tim-tday]

I try to wear my weirdness on the outside as a pre-selection against people who react like that. Fail early and fail often is my motto.

Just gotta be weirder from the get go my dude.

[PhiPawWolf]

im gonna find some new friends whether its online or not

[rationalist]

I recommend friends in-person rather than online.

Idk how it is for most people, but I make friends with people whom I share activities with (school, work, church, clubs, etc). Find an activity that you enjoy and then see who you enjoy doing that activity with, then suggest maybe hanging out, outside of that activity.

[PhiPawWolf]

thx for that reccomendation.

[Kenji]

They weren't true friends if they reacted like this. The furry fandom is very sweet and I'm sure you'll make new friends, don't let it drag you down.

[Suppafly]

>The furry fandom is very sweet

Except the large portion of it that uses it as sexual fetish.

[PhiPawWolf]

Im not part of that portion. i swear you know.

[PhiPawWolf]

Thank you