[orangethirty]

I took the liberty of re-writing the ad. Do and A/B test.

Develop a passive income startup without disrupting your life.

Developers. Are you frustrated with your day job? If so, allow me to share my experience with doggy-tag. A startup I started developing some months ago. Like you, I did not know where to begin . Hi, I'm Ami Heines. A 42 years old software developer. I created this page to tell you about a book I'm writing. Its about building your own passive income startup. Building a product is tough. Day in. Day out. We struggle to bring the idea into reality. Doggy-tag was a special case, because it is both a physical and software product. Aside from the normal development process, I had to find foreign manufacturers. Also had deal with marketing, sales, packaging and shipping. It is a daunting process if you have not done it before.

This is why I wrote the book “Real Biz App.” It focuses on showing you how I built Doggy-tag. In it you will get all of the little talked details that make or break businesses. Since my startup is still growing, the book is now available as a beta version. Follow me along and find out what problems I face and how they are solved. If you are thinking about doing your own startup this book is a must read. Learn how I went from an idea to $1500 revenue on the first month of sales. That is not all. Join now and get exclusive access to my business masterminds club. An exclusive group of entrepreneurs focused on developing successful startups. Go ahead and sign up for more information below. I will not spam, sell, or do evil things with your email.

<sign up form>

PS. Stop dreaming and start earning today. You owe it to yourself. Sign up and start building a better future.

[amiheines]

Virtual hug to you!

This is a great version of the ad, thank you thank you thank you!

Only rule violated in this version is that it refers too much to ME and too little to YOU the reader. I thought it's best to talk about 'what's in it for me' as the reader tends to be less interested in what I accomplished and more anout himself.

I will definitely use A/B testing using a version of the page based on your suggestion.

[orangethirty]

Only rule violated in this version is that it refers too much to ME and too little to YOU the reader.

I knew that would be your only criticism against it. But test it as I wrote it, please. Let's challenge your reader hypothesis.

[amiheines]

I got your version up and ready for A/B testing today!

Can you please submit the site in a new post to HN? I'm too new here and don't want to post my own web site here.

I promise to write a blog post on the results, this will be fun! Perhaps we can finally debunk one rule about writing sales letters.

[orangethirty]

Sure, why not? But when you make it big you have to buy me a pina colada. :)

Edit

Won't work. HN wont allow for the same URL to be posted twice. Change the URL with a A/B identifier and let me know. Email me (in profile).