[athenot]

This is a fun app.

One way I deal with people talking on speakerphone, is inviting myself into their conversation and making comments as if I were an active participant. That usually earns me a weird look, and then they go off speaker so I can't hear what's been said. Success.

Similar with folks watching reels on speaker, I fake a laugh or make comments about the content. It's awkward enough that they usually stop because they want a moment alone, not an interactive session with a stranger. Which ironically is the same thing I want too.

[indrora]

A friend of mine works AV at shows that have rotating DJs and one of the things she has on her mixer board is "The Suck Button."

It causes a mic at the other end of the room to get cut into the DJ's live feed monitor with a semitone shift down and some reverb. This causes all sorts of inner-ear chaos and usually clears a DJ off the stage when they're over time within a few minutes at most -- usually under 30 seconds. One time they were trying to figure out why it wasn't working and discovered that the DJ had muted their monitor feed, which explained why they were not only peaking the meters but over time: They hadn't heard the FOUR warnings from the back of house that it was time to wrap up.

[inlined]

There was a coffee shop ages ago in SF that would every few hours play a cacophony (e.g. multiple songs at once). I assume it was to drive away people camping on their laptops to rotate tables. Understand but super annoying to people like me who had a timer to but food or drink no less than hourly to be a good citizen

[ralferoo]

It's maybe best not to give too much context to this, except just to warn you to turn down the volume and not watch if you might suffer from epilepsy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJT8vfraCmk

When this was first presented, I was watching this in a large dark hall with this on the projector and the sound level set to extremely loud. Like a fool, I sat through this to the end wondering whether it was going to ever end rather than recognising it as a glorious troll.

[CTDOCodebases]

That's extremely annoying. I have a Bluetooth speaker that I was intending to repurpose into a device to combat inconsiderate smart phone usage. I connected it to my laptop and started playing multiple streams of Punjabi MC - Beware of the Boys. It was torturous.

My other idea was to get the line from dumb and dumber "Do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world..." And just loop the sound continuously.

I might just try this project though and see how it goes.

[acomjean]

We had a friend who would play Metal when the ice cream store he worked at was closed but the customers were lingering too long. It generally worked, as he was immune.

[reincarnate0x14]

I introduced my local restaurant owner to Mongolian Techno and the late night bar flies and some of the kitchen staff have never forgiven me. He won't admit if he plays it for himself, or because of them :)

[fragmede]

eg https://youtu.be/9uMtnH7cABg for the curious.

[reincarnate0x14]

It's 3am and we're arguing some insipid minutae over technically illegal tequila shots while one drunk girl is breaking it down on the tiny dance floor :)

[vrighter]

this is awesome!

[kstenerud]

In Japan it's pretty much an institution that shops play an instrumental version of Hotaru no Hikari (which is basically Auld Lang Syne with different lyrics) when they're closing.

Most Japanese know it as "the closing song"

[nerdsniper]

We did this where I bartended as well. Generally 15-20 minutes after serving the last drink of the night.

The goal wasn’t to offend or clear out 100% of the customers - just make a large enough portion decide that outside might be more comfortable/conducive than inside. The 20 or so customers who were fine with the cacophony were easy enough to wrangle manually, and also generally either people we knew well .

[bigiain]

A live music venue near me plays this when it's time for people to GTFO:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Tiz6INF7I

[01HNNWZ0MV43FF]

I was at a coffee shop once that was playing metal while my writing group was meeting there and I just thought they had excellent taste (it was not near closing time)

[WalterBright]

I play disco music to keep the kids off my lawn.

[paradox460]

Carissa's Wierd used to put cacophony at the end of some of their songs to clear the house out as well

[mitthrowaway2]

That reminds me of the "speech jammer", which won an Ignobel Prize last decade. It's an acoustic gun that combines a directional microphone and speaker array with a delay, tripping up the speaker.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/shut-up-speech-jammer-among-201...

[pseudosavant]

I've recently become a convert to this kind of thinking. The person invited the public to join in when they decided to have a public speakerphone call. If they don't want my responses or laughter, they get annoyed and stop the behavior I was finding annoying in the first place.

I don't even have to act like I'm bothered by it, or that I find their behavior offensive. They change their behavior because they are bothered by mine.

[onethought]

How is that different than two people talking in person? Do you interrupt them as well?

[itishappy]

Yup. Online too! I have no qualms about adding my two cents to any loud public conversations.

[stavros]

Do you think having your conversation on speakerphone in public is the same as talking to someone?

[sdenton4]

People talking to each other in person tend to modulate their voices to match the context. People talking on speakerphone tend to crank the volume and shout.

[sowbug]

And the person on the other end of the line often doesn't realize how uncivil the situation is. They might know they're on speakerphone, but they actually can't see that they're interrupting the trains of thought of dozens of people around them. This means the content of the conversation is more likely to be inappropriate for public consumption, making it even more distracting for the forced participants.

The person holding the speakerphone is to blame, of course, but they often seem to go into a state of pathological flow where they're almost as oblivious as their conversation partner.

[stavros]

Plus devices are tinny and grate. Watching a video on the phone of someone speaking is much more annoying than someone speaking in person, even at the same volume.

[onethought]

I think this is the only meaningful point being made in this thread.

The sound from a phone speaker is annoying, more so, than a typical in person talking. To me the solution lies somewhere in fixing that to make it sound more natural.

Everyone else claiming that some how having “loud” conversation is rude, feels like they’ve fallen into some anti-social hole… we are literally the only animal to have developed complex spoken language… it’s part of our humanity.

[dredmorbius]

It's similar to the distinction between a driver having a conversation with a passenger in a vehicle vs. the same driver having a phone call, even in a hands-free / speakerphone mode.

The passenger will be far more aware of context and circumstances, including traffic or other hazards, and will generally adapt to those surroundings. The remote party simply has no access to those cues.

(And yes, some passengers may be oblivious, for various reasons, including but not limited to children. I'm discussing the general case.)

[mezyt]

A half conversation is a lot more disruptive because your brain try to fill in the gap of information.

[cortesoft]

This comment chain is talking about people using speakerphone, though, meaning they hear both sides of the conversation

[jomohke]

In theory yes, but in practice they usually have the speaker up far higher than they are speaking themselves so we do only hear one side clearly.

I think the high distractability is a trifecta of volume, non-naturallness of the sound (compression etc: feeling out of place in the space) and this point.

[lxgr]

If their voices sounded shrill/unnaturally amplified/too loud, definitely. Listening to an annoying conversation on speakerphone is 10x more annoying than when it's face-to-face.

[xattt]

How do you deal with the small possibility that the offending person is unhinged (since they’ve already chosen to throw out societal mores out the window) and could physically hurt you?

[Spooky23]

It’s a two-way street.

I used to have to deal with unhinged people on the regular and one of the techniques that keep the peace and stay safe is to present an edge that gives the vibe that you may be more unhinged.

My dad used to run housing projects, and my uncle was an assistant principal at one of the most violent schools in New York City. They were like Jedi masters of presence. They had stories that were absolutely insane.

[getdoneist]

It is pure game theory. An aggressive person expects no bad outcomes from his passive victim. If they get a signal that their own outcome may be not that good, even marginally, this very often changes their behaviour.

That's why the advice to act submissively presented as "avoiding confrontation" is often the wrong advice.

You are not seeking confrontation, but you should signal that you are ready for confrontation. Stops aggressive behaviour very often.

[niemandhier]

This is dangerous advice.

You need to read the situation very carefully:

Antisocial behavior is often an attempt to gain status in the subjects in-group. Breaking rules in a way conveys power.

Violence against members of the out-group is an even more effective way to display dominance and hence gain status.

Unless you play a repeated game with the other person there is little to gain for you by initiating conflict.

Even if you assume you have something to gain, always consider the other person might have little to lose and ( my opinion) never display aggression you are not willing to back up.

Sources: 1. Rory Miller: ”Meditations on Violence”

2. Life experiences, that match 1’s observations

[getdoneist]

The advice is not about initiating a conflict. It is about not to appear an easy victim in order not to provoke aggression.

But life is always about fight-or-flight, so flight should remain an option, very often the best one.

By not signalling readiness to fight back, you increase probability of aggression by removing all costs to the potential perpetrator from their calculation.

[niemandhier]

This binary classification is what is dangerous in this case.

“Are you looking at my girl?”

1. “Fuck off, if you want to live”.

2. Try to run.

Both options are valid but you miss the: “Just zoning out mate. Hard day at work, you know? Boss dogged my pay and I have to muster up the courage to tell the misses. She’s been talking about leaving and taking the kids …”

Violence can arise at many different levels of the classical hierarchy of needs.

Existencial: A crack head robber in a crisis, needing to feed their habit, is hard to deter by threat. For them it is life or death, for you it is just money.

Self actualisation : Many serial killers preferred easy victims. Looking ready to defend one self most likely would dissuade them.

Social: A member of a social group, trying to establish status by conflict with an outsider? Looking tough might achieve just the opposite of what one intends. But being a type of non-target, simply because one is outside of the established hierarchy can work really well.

My perspective is probably skewed: In my by now admittedly boring life, violence is usually social and best side stepped.

[aidenn0]

Anectodal evidence, but 3 out of 4 bullies left me alone after I punched them back just a single time. The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire.

[latexr]

> The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire.

But was there a next time after that, or did they stop after getting their revenge once? If they did stop, and assuming you didn’t receive any permanent damage, you still won the interaction long term.

[butler14]

How did you manage to acquire /four/ bullies?

[aidenn0]

1. This was over the course of almost 20 years; one in elementary school, two in junior-high, one in high school

2. I'm an insufferable know-it-all.

[fc417fc802]

Unfortunately this quite reasonable observation has been mangled by pop culture and memes into "be aggressive yourself".

It also fails to account for there being different sorts of aggressive people.

[Spooky23]

That's a good point. There's alot of weird stuff out there about this, especially with regard to weapons. There's a balance between being aggressive and not a victim. If you tip too much on the "aggressive" side, you become a threat.

If you work with dogs it's very obvious with them as they are so empathic and attuned to humans. If you are afraid, they will try to take over. If you present as in control, they accept your control. If you are a threat, they respond as they see it. It happens between other animals too -- we're all seen reels of family pets chasing off bears or tiny chihuahuas chasing off German Shepards. People aren't dogs, but I think the comparison has some merit.

[slumberlust]

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

[echelon_musk]

> They had stories that were absolutely insane.

Don't leave us hanging.

[Spooky23]

lol, Sure! Here’s one that was one of the crazier ones that I remember from my dad. There were a bunch of people complaining about smells coming from an apartment. The dude was a little out there and some sort of religious practitioner.

The workers were afraid of the guy, but he hadn’t really done anything except be weird and creepy. So he ended up going up with a few folks to check it out. The dude was capturing (many) wild animals and boiling their blood. So much so that it was condensating on the ceiling.

The dude opened the door and came at them with a bloody machete. He was babbling something about his mother, and I guess as it was told dad just softly said something along the lines of “Your mom sent us and she is not happy with what is happening here, and I think you know that.” I guess the guy stopped in his tracks, dropped the machete and started bawling.

He was a special guy and made a point to treat people fairly and with respect. They’d kick out drug dealers and people who’d terrorize neighbors with dogs and such. The local street dealers beat up some guy who tried to steal his car because being diligent in the buildings was keeping their families safe. He’d take me down as a kid in the summer to hang out and help out with kids programs. It was profoundly meaningful to me as I got to understand that we are all really the same.

[railsgirls112]

I love this, thank you for sharing. I imagine that position gives you an exposure to humanity that many can't handle with that kind of grace and constitution. We surely need more people like him.

[johnisgood]

Yes, please give us some!

[reassess_blind]

Personally, it's not worth living in fear of that small chance. If you're alone and they're visibly on drugs or something then yeah, better to just move. Otherwise we just let people get away with bad behavior.

[charcircuit]

It's illegal for them to hurt you.

[bravetraveler]

> It's illegal for them to hurt you.

A well-known inhibitor for the unhinged.

I wish I had the social awareness to troll [the right] people [well] in the moment like this. I've misjudged the dangerous ones enough, find that has blocked my words.

[charcircuit]

It's the being in prison for years which truly inhibits them.

[evilduck]

Is that why our prisons sit empty?

[bravetraveler]

For the benefit of the next victim, maybe. The unhinged are famously forward-thinking. Hopefully you report their crime after the fact and it's met with a favorable result.

All to say: "May the odds...", etc.

[iammrpayments]

Just lift weights, or say it’s just a prank I guess

[taneq]

Diet, exercise, and physical training, probably?

[anotherevan]

Sidled up next to the guy and said loudly, “Mr Smith? Mr Smith? The mistress is ready for you now!”

[cool-RR]

It's my fantasy to do this. Congrats on having the courage.

[hyperbolablabla]

My friend does this and I feel the same way. I could never bring myself to do this, I cant even smile at people

[jitbit]

Sometimes when college kids in a hotel room next to mine are being too loud, I go out, check their room number , go back to my room and give them a call (usually just dialing the room number works).

I pretend to be “Jason from reception” and that “other guests are complaining about the noise”. Works every time.

[latexr]

Fun solution! But what do you do if the person is listening to loud music? There’s nothing to comment there.

[NoSalt]

This is a good way to shanked on the D.C. Metro.

[jcbe]

Kind of a funny day to post this (WMATA just released data showing crime rates at a 25-year low)

[lostlogin]

Sounds like time to send in the National Guard.

[testing22321]

25 year low is still an order of magnitude higher than a developed country.

[nailer]

I have do idea about DC but I don't trust crime rate stats - a lot might be unreported.

In NYC last year someone burnt someone else to death while they sat, relaxed and watched, and in a seperate incident a person died died and someone else had sex with them afterwards.

It could that be crime is lower or it could be that insane brutality has become normalized.

[lostlogin]

Crimes stats famously get massaged. However murders are hard to downgrade.

[bigiain]

<Renee Good's family joined the chat>

[stavros]

But do you have reason to believe that crime is reported less often now than in the past?