[getdoneist]

It is pure game theory. An aggressive person expects no bad outcomes from his passive victim. If they get a signal that their own outcome may be not that good, even marginally, this very often changes their behaviour.

That's why the advice to act submissively presented as "avoiding confrontation" is often the wrong advice.

You are not seeking confrontation, but you should signal that you are ready for confrontation. Stops aggressive behaviour very often.

[niemandhier]

This is dangerous advice.

You need to read the situation very carefully:

Antisocial behavior is often an attempt to gain status in the subjects in-group. Breaking rules in a way conveys power.

Violence against members of the out-group is an even more effective way to display dominance and hence gain status.

Unless you play a repeated game with the other person there is little to gain for you by initiating conflict.

Even if you assume you have something to gain, always consider the other person might have little to lose and ( my opinion) never display aggression you are not willing to back up.

Sources: 1. Rory Miller: ”Meditations on Violence”

2. Life experiences, that match 1’s observations

[getdoneist]

The advice is not about initiating a conflict. It is about not to appear an easy victim in order not to provoke aggression.

But life is always about fight-or-flight, so flight should remain an option, very often the best one.

By not signalling readiness to fight back, you increase probability of aggression by removing all costs to the potential perpetrator from their calculation.

[niemandhier]

This binary classification is what is dangerous in this case.

“Are you looking at my girl?”

1. “Fuck off, if you want to live”.

2. Try to run.

Both options are valid but you miss the: “Just zoning out mate. Hard day at work, you know? Boss dogged my pay and I have to muster up the courage to tell the misses. She’s been talking about leaving and taking the kids …”

Violence can arise at many different levels of the classical hierarchy of needs.

Existencial: A crack head robber in a crisis, needing to feed their habit, is hard to deter by threat. For them it is life or death, for you it is just money.

Self actualisation : Many serial killers preferred easy victims. Looking ready to defend one self most likely would dissuade them.

Social: A member of a social group, trying to establish status by conflict with an outsider? Looking tough might achieve just the opposite of what one intends. But being a type of non-target, simply because one is outside of the established hierarchy can work really well.

My perspective is probably skewed: In my by now admittedly boring life, violence is usually social and best side stepped.

[aidenn0]

Anectodal evidence, but 3 out of 4 bullies left me alone after I punched them back just a single time. The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire.

[latexr]

> The 4th got backup for the next time he jumped me, so it can backfire.

But was there a next time after that, or did they stop after getting their revenge once? If they did stop, and assuming you didn’t receive any permanent damage, you still won the interaction long term.

[butler14]

How did you manage to acquire /four/ bullies?

[aidenn0]

1. This was over the course of almost 20 years; one in elementary school, two in junior-high, one in high school

2. I'm an insufferable know-it-all.

[subscribed]

You deserve a muffin for the way you delivered it

[fc417fc802]

Unfortunately this quite reasonable observation has been mangled by pop culture and memes into "be aggressive yourself".

It also fails to account for there being different sorts of aggressive people.

[Spooky23]

That's a good point. There's alot of weird stuff out there about this, especially with regard to weapons. There's a balance between being aggressive and not a victim. If you tip too much on the "aggressive" side, you become a threat.

If you work with dogs it's very obvious with them as they are so empathic and attuned to humans. If you are afraid, they will try to take over. If you present as in control, they accept your control. If you are a threat, they respond as they see it. It happens between other animals too -- we're all seen reels of family pets chasing off bears or tiny chihuahuas chasing off German Shepards. People aren't dogs, but I think the comparison has some merit.

[slumberlust]

Speak softly and carry a big stick.