Ask HN: Anyone else pretend to get a phone call to escape awkward moments?

[chetansorted]

I’ve noticed that whenever I’m in uncomfortable social situations (like standing alone at a café, or stuck in small talk I don’t want), I instinctively reach for my phone and pretend I’m on a call.

It started as a way to avoid eye contact, but now it’s almost my go-to “defense mechanism.”

Sometimes I even wish my phone would actually ring at those moments, so I’d have a natural excuse to step away.

Does anyone else do this? Is this just a “me thing,” or a common social anxiety coping habit?

I’m curious how others manage these awkward situations—do you use tricks like this, or something else that helps?

[k310]

Closest I've come is being in some interminable meeting with the boss. Just too long. In the age of dinosaurs, we had only desk phones, so I would hold a sheet of paper behind my back saying "Call Me". And there are lots of fake call apps, or you could even put up a home screen with a fake call photo of someone notorious. Unfortunately, notoriety these days is not for good reasons.

That said, please build up some self-confidence, and have some really good reasons to break out of chit-chat, like "I'm late for a zoom meeting" or "Shit, I left my keys in the car". People say, rightly so, that "it's not about you".

In my fly-tying days, I'd feel weird about going to a sewing store. Heck, they had all kinds of yarn, burlap and scissors ideal for fly-tying. I got over the feeling, because "nobody really cares".

Besides, a little notebook or block of postit-notes looks smart. "I have to write down this idea before it goes away forever" and that's so often the truth.

Building self-confidence (or just a don't give a shit attitude) prevents the social anxiety, so you don't have to solve it.

[chetansorted]

That’s a great point — confidence definitely helps in the long term, and I agree that “nobody really cares” is often the truth. But in the moment, it’s interesting how many of us still reach for a hack (post-it notes, fake calls, excuses). What I’m curious about is whether a tool that makes those “outs” easier/less awkward could actually reduce stress for people who struggle in the moment. Almost like training wheels for confidence. Your story about holding up a “Call Me” note actually makes me think this instinct has always been there — we’re just modernizing it.

[k310]

My daughter has a psychology degree, and always recommends a therapist. So I won't speculate on how to gain self-confidence, or the value of gadgets to help in the near term. It does take time.

The office gag wasn't social. It was just fatigue. I guess there always were and will be situations where we need an exit. FWIW, I am retired and living alone in the boondocks, and have too few interactions, so consider the value of just being in the people world. I plan to move, to be closer to family and friends. Most are over 50 miles away. I might run into one of those hasty exits. Right now, my excuse would be "I have a long drive (I do) and want to get home before dark"

Of course, I've had many years to make excuses, most of which were/are valid. Oops, I've got to go to the pharmacy/hardware store before it closes!

Good luck.

[newscombinatorY]

I wish I were creative enough to hold a natural conversation with an imaginary caller for more than 15 seconds, without feeling more awkward than I did in the actual situation I was trying to escape.

[galaxy_gas]

you couldn't bother writing one sentence of your pitch yourself?

[chetansorted]

Not a pitch, but genuinely asking.