You’re generalizing expectations for an average human and trying to apply it to an human with extraordinary responsibilities.
It takes an incredibly strong hand to lead a team whose product is the operating system of most of the Internet.
Do you think Jobs, Bezos, or Gates would say, “Hey guy. I respect you, man, and you write great code. I think we should work together to solve this. Are you cool with that? Maybe we can grab a latte.”
No, they didn’t do that shit.
Pretending you’re their HR manager and get to tell them what’s acceptable doesn’t make you equal or better than them. People have faults, but you can’t get on your high horse picking on them when you’re using their shit everyday.
This is a toxic masculinity form of mythology that ignores reams of historical evidence of effective ways of leading people.
If you want a good bibliography, check out the sources of any Dale Carnegie book. He went through letters, journals, biographies, and writings of leaders as far back as the ancient Greeks. His conclusion is the opposite of the one you're making here. The best leaders lift people up, not shout people down.
Others here discuss absurdities like drill instructors. None of us work on a battlefield, none of us are in life or death situations here.
We're talking about leading people in labor. It's basically a solved problem, but for some reason people keep needing to debate the effectiveness of "tough love" approaches. It baffles me.
Anger is a feeling, it's internal. Reacting externally with anger is a choice to be a dick. If you can't tell the difference, you have some growing up to do. Linus did.
The whole thread is about overt display of anger being linked with masculinity (with or without the label of "toxic"). You said "Masculinity is fine in all it's forms." It is reasonable to assume that you meant childish displays of anger was included in masculinity and that you didn't consider it toxic at all.
"No" does not need to be said in anger. Being firm has nothing to do with being castrated. Maybe overt anger itself is a sign of insecurity and insufficiency. Do you think Linus has been castrated now that he behaves more like an adult?
Please, please be saying this ironically. If not I say this out of genuine concern for a fellow forum member: never say this to anyone in real life, you'll be mocked relentlessly.
Give a friend a pack of firecrackers and tell him to pop one off directly next to your ear randomly for a week. See if it feels anything like even your worse day at a startup. Combat is so traumatic you can see the physiological changes in people's brains.
It takes an incredibly strong hand to lead a team whose product is the operating system of most of the Internet.
Do you think Jobs, Bezos, or Gates would say, “Hey guy. I respect you, man, and you write great code. I think we should work together to solve this. Are you cool with that? Maybe we can grab a latte.”
No, they didn’t do that shit.
Pretending you’re their HR manager and get to tell them what’s acceptable doesn’t make you equal or better than them. People have faults, but you can’t get on your high horse picking on them when you’re using their shit everyday.