[bradlys]

I don’t want to be a dick but it’s not that dating apps are bad so much that most men are just ugly. The main issue men complain about is not getting matches and almost all these “new dating app” threads come from men. I can’t recall any time I heard a woman suggesting that a new dating app should be made. The main reason is that for most women - the apps work as intended. They get matched and dates and so on. For them, the issue becomes about filtering and being intentional. Which isn’t a problem that’s unique to dating apps - they’ll have this issue in any real life scenario too.

For men, it’s about even getting to a date. I haven’t met many men who complain about dating apps and that get dates. It seems exclusive to men who cannot get matches or dates. These are men that the market doesn’t want. They’re not realizing that it’s not the app - it’s them/society. You might meet someone in another way and eventually find your match but it’s very rare to see men who do exceptionally well in real life but somehow completely bomb on apps. They’re usually correlated.

Apps aren’t the issue. It’s just a society thing. You’re ugly and that’s all there is to it, man. Stop blaming the app and either get surgery or do something else with your life.

[IAmBroom]

False, on several points.

Women frequently complain about the behavior of men on those apps. Bumble was designed by and for women who wanted a different app.

As for only unattractive/undesirable men complaining, that's false, too. I am frequently told I'm attractive. I have many friends of various genders and sexes and initialized preferences; I'm hardly socially awkward. I have problems finding a mate on dating apps lately, but in the distant past they were a successful path to some of my fondly-remembered exes.

[bradlys]

Women frequently complain about the behavior of men - period. I have an endless list of women who have complained about the men who have approached them in real life. Look at how Bumble turned out - it ended up behaving just like every other app because women didn't actually want anything different. Women complain all the time about men's behaviors - regardless of the medium through which they're interacting. It is a filtering issue. Women rarely have trouble attracting men - they have trouble figuring out what men they are shown are best for them. (In all mediums)

Whether or not you're "told" you're attractive or "are" attractive is the difference here. If you're not getting matches, you're not attractive. It is that simple. The amount of times you will hear anyone be called ugly by someone they enjoy being around will be near zero - regardless of how physically unattractive that person is. Try to remember the last time you told someone that they were ugly even though you thought they weren't physically attractive. You probably can't remember. Yet, you've surely complimented people and can remember that.

Maybe they worked in the past because you were considered physically attractive then and aren't now due to age, fitness, etc. Very often I hear from men who are in their 40's talking about the "good ol' days" of OKC and how all dating apps now are "bad and no good". They're ignoring that they've gained 15% body fat, are bald, sagging skin, and so on.

[csa]

> I haven’t met many men who complain about dating apps and that get dates. It seems exclusive to men who cannot get matches or dates.

I’m not sure what age group you’re thinking of, but in my age range (40s and 50s), I hear tons of complaints from both sides.

Personally speaking as someone who gets plenty of dates, my complaints are:

- Match doesn’t look like their profile, often by a lot

- Actions don’t support how match presents themselves in their profile

- For potentially “good” matches, I often have to work through a lot of jaded scar tissue that they’ve built up from online dating. People have doubted my name, age, residence, approximate income, goals in dating, etc. Usually these are based on bad experiences they have had in the past.

- A decent number of matches are straight up dysfunctional and/or psychologically unhealthy — think unhealthy boundaries, anger issues, etc. This is often easy to spot in the initial meeting. It’s no wonder they aren’t in a long term relationship.

- Some women, especially single moms, actually want FWB relationships based on their actions, but they haven’t yet admitted that to themselves. It creates awkward tensions that would be resolved if they just accepted that they more-or-less want sporadic on-demand attention and intimacy without much of the emotional and time investment that goes into a full relationship. Fwiw, I have no problem with FWBs, as long as both parties are open and honest about their intentions.

- From both my male and female friends who use dating apps, the apps for folks in their 40s and 50s are largely a market for lemons — the good ones either don’t last on the app very long or don’t stay very long due to bad experiences, and the “regulars” are simply unlikely to get into a long-term relationship.

[bradlys]

Not sure how almost any of this other than the catfishing is relevant to online dating only.

People presenting one thing and being another is common in every medium. For your age demo, maybe it’s more common for the women to show old/misleading photos. But, your demo is a much smaller one than the typical 18-35 demographic where most dating happens.

[deanmoriarty]

I think this is a very reasonable take, I’m not sure where the hate for dating apps comes from.

I am a very average looking man (I’d say look wise I’d be considered a 7/10) and never had a problem using dating apps in the Bay Area, they worked as intended for me, I had experiences with Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid mostly.

Sure you have to work a bit for it, but I dated dozens of women, had very fun times, and ultimately met my wife there.

Most of my friends had a similar experience. The convenience that dating apps brought to my life is remarkable, in my opinion.

[bradlys]

7/10 is by definition not average, lol. That’s about 2 standard deviation above average.

I’ve found many men have good success on the apps but the defining feature of all of them is that they’re physically attractive. They have no problems in real life either unless they have some form of social anxiety.

The men I find having the most trouble are just ugly and that’s all there is to it. Improve body composition or get surgery are about the only options left for such individuals.