[steamrolled]

I don't want to be judgmental because I know these are extremely difficult situations with no easy answers, but what strikes me about this article is that the author blames the profit motive after what can be uncharitably viewed as taking an elderly parent and paying a third party to make the "problem" go away from your life.

This industry is driven solely by demand and there are highly-developed countries where it doesn't exist, or doesn't exist on this scale, simply because of different social norms and taboos.

What's the outcome we're hoping for? We're talking elderly folks we'd rather not care for ourselves and that we don't want to watch declining and dying, and we're dumping them into a large-scale... well, death facility.

[evklein]

> We're talking elderly folks we'd rather not care for ourselves and that we don't want to watch declining and dying, and we're dumping them into a large-scale... well, death facility.

This is pretty cynical. Not everyone puts their aging relative into a home because they want to make it someone else's problem. Taking care of elderly people is basically a full-time job. It's not easy to drop every other responsibility in your life (work, children) and focus on deathcare for someone else.

> there are highly-developed countries where it doesn't exist, or doesn't exist on this scale, simply because of different social norms and taboos

Are we sure this isn't because these countries regulate these industries in such a way that people actually want to work for these places and patients don't get gauged?

> What's the outcome we're hoping for?

The outcome is the same (death), but how you get here is what the central complaint is. Elderly people pay a shit ton and you don't even get the basic services agreed to by the other party - maybe if they're shelling out $11,000 a month they should be. Nursing homes have effectively become a scam, but they do not have to be.

[busterarm]

Aye. I feel like I have it bad in my situation with one elderly parent...

I have a coworker with both his elderly parents and his wife's elderly parents. All four of them are deteriorating rapidly and need constant care and hospital visits. On top of that he has two sick, aging dogs.

We commiserate about the multiple full-time jobs that we have, but seriously he has it unfathomably worse than I do. I'm stressed to my limit and can't even imagine where he's at.

[EA-3167]

I think this goes back to cultural expectations to some extent. In some cultures the response to that is, "Your parents probably had full-time jobs and then they raised you on top of it, and part of the cycle of life is 'paying that back' when they're old and sick." Granted smaller and more diffuse family units make that harder, but part of it is just the lack of a sense of filial debt to the people who bore and raised you.

[rawgabbit]

I have some experience with this and your take is a bit uncharitable. I am classified as a senior citizen and am relatively healthy. My MIL is 86 years old, has dementia, fallen several times and broken her hip, shoulders etc. She is tiny; but when I try to lift her up by myself...it is almost impossible. I tell her to grab my shoulders while I face her and cradle her butt with my hands and do my best to stand up straight imitating the squat exercise I do on a daily basis. Even when I do manage to get her off the ground, she complains I should have done it more slowly. I don't bother replying, because she has dementia. She falls because she refuses to use her walker. When reminded to always have the walker, she is very argumentative. Extremely argumentative.

The good thing is that we were able to keep her in own home and get her on medicaid. She had exhausted all of her funds already. Medicaid pays for a nurse to check on her weekly. Medicaid also pays for "attendant services" to remind her to take her medication, get in and out of the shower, and keep the house presentable. A charity and my wife brings prepared meals that the attendant heats up. My MIL is a handful. She is abusive to everyone, screaming/shouting/argumentative non-stop, and quickly forgets what she just said.

We know one day, we will have to send her to a nursing home where they will likely sedate her with meds. We are trying to keep her in own home. And she argues about that as well. We actually had a one month argument where she demanded to be sent to a nursing home. When we told her that the one she named was cited for abusing patients, she kept arguing.

[howard941]

Get a Hoyer Lift - it should be covered by hospice. And speaking of hospice, consider it. With dementia she'll be approved. The Hoyer Lift will make moving her about much easier.

[spacemadness]

I guess the outcome we’re hoping for is to shame people for not finding the correct balance to keep their source of income in a cutthroat capitalist reality while taking care of aging parents who need constant supervision at the same time.

[EPWN3D]

I'm sorry, but people have lives and kids of their own. To frame this as "Children are being cruel by putting their parents in nursing homes" is totally disingenuous and ignores the realities of modern society.

Caring for the elderly who cannot care for themselves is a full-time job that requires more than a little bit of specialized medical expertise. Throw a 3 year-old into that environment, and it's a recipe for disaster, injury, and marital dysfunction.