[ta12653421]

Here i can also add a story:

Last year, i recognized a lady who also exits the same metro & bus at the same station sometimes, so i was looking forward that i will see her again one day. This happened: I have to note im somewhat above the average body height, as she is: id say she was around 1.89m, my own size - apart from the fact that i found her beautiful, i thought it would be somehow a "higher chance" to get to known her, since for tall women its actually not easy (if you are ~1.89m and you want someone who is at least the same size, 90%+ men are out!) and i "projected" that she may notice this. So when i saw her leaving the bus, i spoke to her and invited here to a coffee - she looked at me completely confused like i was trying to rob her. (it was a "daylight situation" short after lunch)

Not required to say that she never called back after handing her my number :-)))

[MandieD]

Um, did you consider that this tall, beautiful woman might a) already have a partner despite being tall, b) not be interested in finding a partner right now, or c) since it was lunchtime, was thinking about something she needed to do for work and resented the interruption?

[ungreased0675]

What would you recommend he have done instead?

Your reaction is an example of why dating is so hard for guys. There is no way to approach women without risking a potentially reputation-ruining reaction.

[dragonwriter]

Well, there's definitely no right way to do a cold approach and immediate invitation to a date to a stranger on the street; there are contexts where people are signalling they are open to dating approahces from strangers (dating apps, certain singles events—but even a certain amount of mutual sharing, facilitated by the app or event, is normal before an invitation, for both parties to do some assessment of compatibility beyond appearance), and there are relatively safe ways and contexts to inquire about the possibility of a date where there is a pre-existing non-dating relationship. But a cold approach on the street based on nothing but appearance (partially attraction, partially the paradoxical assessment that this attractive potential partner has an unusually limited set of potential partners of their own) has got to be the worst choice ever.

Not only do you have a mich higher chance of approaching someone who isn't available for dating in any context, you also signal that your only concern in dating in appearance and that you are incredibly socially inept and unaware of the contexts in which dating approaches are appropriate, neither of which are helpful to your cause, in most cases.

[ta12653421]

>>you also signal that your only concern in dating in appearance

a) first, i didnt tell her my assumption?!!!

b) you are sounding like: "do not do any of those assumptions because they are wrong and listen..." - in fact: EVERYBODY is doing those assumptions/calculations when approaching someone, regardless the environment - so there is absolutely no reason to point out that my "behaviour" is somehow any specific to someone else - this is just disguise from yours :-)

c) what about all this buff then: "why does nobody invites me on a date?" and "why do men do not speak to women openly" etc. and all this stuff that we can read everywhere, like: Men have to approch Women, so i did. And failed. And now you have your perspective, thats OK.

d) WHENEVER you are speaking to someone in a club/socialevent/etc. your primary signal is appearance, so do not try to wrap this otherwise since experiments & data show absolutely whats going on.

[dragonwriter]

> a) first, i didnt tell her my assumption?!!!

You approached her cold on the street knowing nothing about her but her appearance. You don't need to tell your assumption. Women have brains.

> you are sounding like: "do not do any of those assumptions because they are wrong and listen..."

While I may have an opinion on the assumptions you are making, I am not at all expressing that. What I am expressing is that you are failing to consider important factors in your calculation, namely, the social context, and the impapct of the social context on the way your actions are perceived by someone doing their own set of calculations.

> what about all this buff then: "why does nobody invites me on a date?

This is about what happens in social contexts where dating intent is signalled, not in those where it is not.

> and "why do men do not speak to women openly"

"Speaking" here is not code for "invite on dates", and, again, this still is sensitive to appropriate social contexts.

> Men have to approch Women, so i did. And failed.

You have confused a broad (though not universal) social expectation that men should be the party to approach women with the concept that it is equally beneficial to do so in any social context and all that matters is that there is a woman you think you might want to date present to make it appropriate. This is...incorrect.

You have managed to wrap your brain around (even if you may have overgeneralized it) a single social expectation. Your success may be improved when you increase your capacity for processing social expectations relevant to your task to a quantity greater than one.

[ungreased0675]

If a guy sees an attractive woman out in real life somewhere, is there any action he can take that would be appropriate? What specifically should a guy do?

[profstasiak]

>But a cold approach on the street based on nothing but appearance has got to be the worst choice ever.

all of the dating apps are based purely on appearance. This is not by mistake, but because we people judge by appearance first of all.

>higher chance of approaching someone who isn't available

so what? 70% someone isn't available but the 30% that are available you still have higher chance of getting the date than on the dating apps.

> you also signal that ... you are incredibly socially inept...

right... because being charming and speaking to someone in real life with good body language and flirting skills is going to signal you are socially inept.

All I hear are bunch of excuses to be honest.

Approaching on the street has been a game changer for me, I know have a long term girlfriend from street approach

[ta12653421]

Good catch! The days when i saw her some days in the metro, i checked explicitly if she has some signs of an existing relationship, like a ring or something specific that may indicate this.

Also i have to admit, she is a smoker; something i could deal with (teethgrindingly) since i was one for myself years ago, but honestly: Today most men wont partner up with a lady who is a smoker. And in case of men today, if you are smoking you are actually out forever for any women: Smoking _is_ just disgusting :-D

So, my "gut-statistics" is just telling me that she is/was single with a very very high probality.

EDIT: before someone is coming with clothes or similar ideas: Im working in a decent office environment in which nice clothes are the standard (finance), so im not running around with jeans etc, also im in very good shape