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A bit of a back story, feel free to skip to the ASK HN. I was born in a country where the gender roles are more traditional: the man works and makes money, while the woman stays with the kids. This is how my family was, my mom was a housewife while my father was a business owner. It changed when we migrated to a more "liberal" country, and due to necessity, my mom started to work, although she always dedicated more time to the kids. I lived in many places, and been in different relationships, and most of them were more of a "50-50" kind of relationships, due to cultural norms, even though I almost always paid more for household. However, I always though that the more "correct" way to live, is in a traditional relationship. And I don't what to get into the philosophy of "Why". Today, my wife and I are planning to have children. We are in an "equal" relationship, even though I contribute more to our household expenses. My wife is career oriented. We discussed it, and I'm ready to take any responsibility that will be needed in order to support our family (during maternity leave, or if she decided to not come back to the workforce). I want her to be a mom and spend more time with the children, I don't want her to give up her career, but I believe it should be second to children. She can't commit to no pursuing her career, and this scares me. ASK HN: I know this community is diverse in terms of culture, and at the same time has people who are related to technology, like myself. I wonder what is your family arrangement: does your spouse work? Is it a demanding career? Are they a stay-at-home parent? The reason I ask is that I'm confused. As I said I was raised with one model in head, but was exposed to other models throughout my teenage and adulthood years, and on top of all that, the internet polluted my brain with family-values that I no longer know what the truth. So I'd like to get some real insight. |
My father worked, my mother was a housewife.
Her father worked, her mother was a housewife.
We married knowing our values were pretty aligned on this. My wife worked until we had children, but dropped her career when the children arrived. She struggled a bit with the decision, but I let her make it without pushing her too much. It's a big decision and I didn't want to risk any unnecessary resentment. But I probably would have pushed if she had shown stronger signs of wanting to keep the career (possibly after a predictably-challenging trial period).
Ideally you would have been on the same page on this before marrying. You'll both need a bit of honesty, empathy and compromise for this one.
(BTW, ignore the "I don't see this marriage lasting" guy. What you make of your marriage is up to you and your wife, not us internet randos. Best of luck!)