| Honestly, it sounds to me like the two of you made a mistake getting married. The differences in your values are irreconcilable. Your wife is a human being with thoughts and feelings and experience just as fully fledged and valid as your own. She doesn’t want to be shoved into a traditional role box. If you try it, she will only resent you. If she doesn’t capitulate, it sounds like you will resent her. Maybe couples therapy would help, but I don’t see this marriage lasting. ** To answer your question: I don’t have and will never have a wife. My mom had a career. So did both my grandmothers and all my aunts. My brother’s wife is the primary breadwinner for their family. Most of them did a fantastic job raising their children (and where they stumbled it had everything to do with character flaws and nothing to do with career). Kids need to know they’re loved. Unconditionally. By both parents. That’s it. Your wife having a career will not have any negative impact on their development. So why do you feel so threatened by the idea of your wife maintaining her career? If you really want equality in your relationship and you’re concerned your kids won’t get enough hands-on caregiving, perhaps you should consider sacrificing your own career instead of hers? How does that suggestion feel? Now put yourself in her shoes — that’s how she feels when you suggest it to her. |