[Johanx64]

The behaviour is extremely obvious and off-putting if you're not good at it and you're forcing it. Or if you start doing it when you're halfway through life lived as a stingy bitter asshole (by no fault of your own necessarily, you just grew up in poverty with people made of same cloth), your attempts most likely will feel awkward and unnatural.

Since the person has practiced these strategies since early childhood, he would do these things naturally and flawlessly. You wouldn't be able to tell if it's genuine or not, because he has ALWAYS done this, you wouldn't know a different version of this person, or catch them being anything but, because they always have bought the first drink, have always been nice and a good conversationalist (which 90% of the time means, shut up and attentively listen to other person and 10% of time asking questions to make the other person open up about their passions and interests), and would always remember everyone they meet by their first name regardless of their statute or position.

The behavior becomes a genuine, well oiled habit, a natural. You can only catch a "fake" if it's situational and your behaviour completely changes depending on who you interact with or well... if you tell people on the internet about it.

Social relations and human behavior is transactional regardless if you're aware of it or not. People really do like to bury their head in the sand and pretend that it isn't though and that there's some sort of special magical fairy dust going on in social relations.

[whoknowsidont]

> You can only catch a "fake" if it's situational and your behavior completely changes

I can't word this without being insulting, you can catch many "fake" behaviors, especially when it requires the social intelligence of a normal, young kid. I don't mean to directly insult or insinuate things about OP, but I don't know how else to contextualize that this is not some advanced social strategy or set of maneuvers that slip by people.

It's assuredly very, very obvious if not awkward for other people to deal with.

>Social relations and human behavior is transactional regardless if you're aware of it or not.

Most people would use the word reciprocal. Which has all the same presumptuous benefits of being transactional, but it means a lot more. It implies longer term, more involved commitments that generally, equally benefit both parties in a holistic manner.

Saying social relations are transactional is not profound, it's actually reveals a certain ignorance about how you view literally everyone else on this planet.

[Quinzel]

Reciprocal behaviour is what allows us to get along with other humans and behave pro-socially. But I think it’s a bit naive not to recognise that it is still somewhat transactional in nature. There are some situations in which we’re honest about the reciprocal agreement (ie, you provide me with 8hours of work, and in return, I’ll pay you for your efforts) and there are other times where the reciprocal agreement is implied and not specified but still understood (ie, your child is invited to a birthday party at a fancy playland, so you should provide the birthday child with a nice gift - no one ever tells you you have to buy a present, but it’d be socially awkward not to).

The transactional nature of reciprocity is also why I don’t participate in gift giving at Christmas. I hate that the expectation is to show our nearest and dearest we care about them by participating in mindless consumerism. I will spend time with my family, cook dinner with them, do games, be part of the festivities but gifting is not part of the equation.

[seoulmetro]

This is wrong. Manipulating friends with actual physical items never goes unnoticed as we attach those to our closest relations subconsciously.

To think that someone can scam you without you knowing because they always scam you is hilarious when talking in the context of a close friend taking from you.

[Quinzel]

I’m curious as to how you think the social interaction plays out?… Like how do you think it’s conducted in such a way that it is so noticeable?

[seoulmetro]

They do it twice in a row? (let alone every time for their entire life) That's all it takes.

Unless you have no other friends, this is enough. People keep okay tabs on how they spend their money if it's always disappearing.

[Quinzel]

Ohhh so you think people are actively keeping tabs on what they give and then what they receive in return in the context of their social interactions?

That’s really interesting that you think that, because to me that would suggest that you think if you provide a friend something like a drink, you expect you should get something in return.

Also, do they do it twice? How do you know? Have you constructed a concept of how the social interaction happened in your mind and made some assumptions?

[seoulmetro]

Ah so this confirms that it was a joke. Thanks.

[Quinzel]

The subtle yet powerful force of reciprocity in the context of social interaction is no joke and people have made a lot of money writing books on it, it’s why successful sales companies teach their sales people to use it on prospective customers, it’s why big corporations pay money to “support” politicians etc…

I’m willing to bet that your brain has spent so much time in “auto-pilot” that there are countless times where you would have reciprocated with no conscious awareness of the fact that you even did. And the fact that you think you can’t be fooled is exactly what makes you vulnerable.

And with that said, I’ll leave you with this quote: “Click, run” - Robert Cialdini.