Respectfully, I think you’re limiting the valuation to just the culturally propagated version of “caring”.
Some people wake up naturally in the morning. Some people need an alarm. They can both care deeply about the reason they’re waking up (a job, an appointment, whatever) but for some people, they need the extra help.
For some, setting the reminder is the effort and energy that shows you care. It’s worth saying though that the most important thing is doing the things that show your partner that you care.
I would say using this app to try and surprise/do nice things for your partner is, in fact, making an effort: going out of your way to think of nice things to do with them.
People are all different. The idea of getting flowers for your partner, or leave cheesy notes for them, might come natural to some and not to others. Another comment pointed out how having ADHD makes it hard to remember to do the sort of stuff this app might suggest, so it can be a great help.
Besides, is this different from scrolling through social media and seeing couples activities and deciding to try them? Is this different from seeing a florist ad while walking and deciding to buy flowers? If anything, going out of your way to install an app shows more care and effort than these "spontaneous" activities.
At any rate, spontaneity is overrated, especially in relationships (maybe because of Hollywood relationships?). Constance, effort, care, are more important... you still need to keep things fresh tho
If spontaneity is overrated then why participate in a simulacrum of spontaneity?
This app doesn't suggest that you do longer term things to support your partner and make their life easier. It proposes that you fake being in a honeymoon stage by eg leaving cute little notes.
Yeah honestly I’d be very happy to be at the receiving end of such an app.
(But not this one because I’m pretty suspicious about this mandatory account creation and the fact that they didn’t release in France because of data laws - which are not stronger than GDPR)
Hi, Thank you for your comment, regarding the Data Laws in France, they require a datasheet of encryption for Apple Appstore, something our team have never made before. Otherwise the data law is the same, yes. Any tips are welcome.
If your application doesn’t implement custom encryption code (which it probably does not) you can just check the "None" option, even if your app does use encryption (which it probably does if you are using https for example).
As long as your app is not providing an encryption algorithm, you are fine ignoring this.
It’s also fine if you do use encryption with the Apple provided libraries since in this case you are not providing encryption code but just using it.
In fact, nobody cares about this in France, it looks like Apple is the only one being so bureaucratic about this stupid declaration. It’s pretty specific, absolutely not verified by anyone (our current government is obsessed with public expenses reduction so you can easily imagine that nobody cares about the version of RSA a random foreign app uses).
This declaration is only useful for apps that have encryption in their core business (password managers, encryption of files …).
IIRC, this declaration is only a mean for the national cybersecurity agency to know if a given application can become a threat for national security if it happens to use outdated or flawed encryption. It’s not to give them access to anything (you just declare algorithms, not the keys).
It’s a frequent thing that happens to frighten foreign developers and we regularly have unavailable apps for this reason because it’s true it’s unclear.
> If they didn't think of getting you flowers themself (and had to use an app), is that real?
I did confess to my girlfriend once that I'd never thought of getting her flowers, and that every time I had bought her flowers in the past was actually just the output of a Chinese room. [1]
She said it was fine, and she liked the flowers either way.
Is it real if they just buy the flowers instead of growing them? If they take you to a restaurant where someone else cooks the food and not them? It's not like this app is taking anyone by the marionette strings and forcing them to be romantic - they're still seeking out romantic ideas to make their partner happy, picking one, and carrying it out. Sure, showing personal creativity might be more romantic, but I don't think seeking out fun ideas that your partner will enjoy is particularly inauthentic.
In receiving flowers, the value the recipient gets is not so much the flowers themselves, but by what the gift betrays about your mind state. This authentic information about your mind state is what makes the act “real”.
So it is reasonable to consider the act less real or even a bit deceptive if the mind state that you’d first expect the act to imply (they care about me and thought to get flowers) does not reflect your true mind state (they cared about me enough at some point in the past to set up this app).
I think your looking at this wrong. They care about you enough that they wanted to keep the relationship interesting and not fall into the trap of complacency that's so easy to fall into as time rolls on. Enough that they took steps to remind themselves not to take you for granted, and still enough that they take those reminders to heart. It's not like getting flowers or planning a picnic or whatever becomes zero effort because an app reminded you. You had to look at that reminder and care to act upon it.
That's all true. I'm just saying if they knew that you needed this app to get them flowers, then a.) they would likely feel a bit disappointed vs. if it was all you, and b.) that is not unreasonable.
I think someone downloading an app to help them be more spontaneous for a partner who wants that is extremely authentic, it takes someone seeing that they have a blind spot.
So, following your line of reasoning: buying jewelry, flowers, going to a movie or a restaurant is all bullshit and inauthentic because you didn’t have it as an original idea?
I guess I understand your desire to be creative and original in expressing affection. But, in the real world, ideas are cheap and execution is the hard part!
Yeah, it does count. I don't remember all my friend's birthdays off the top of my head. I write them in Google Calendar. It definitely gives people a better, and more appreciated, experience by having their important dates remembered via the use of technology vs being forgotten entirely.
It seems fine to extend this rationale out further.
One of the ways you become authentic is by practicing something you want to become. It’s doing the thing consistently that leads to character development. Also, if you and your partner value different love languages (my partner is meh on flowers, I spent time in high school doing floral arrangements) then having a guide to help you translate could be super helpful. Disappointed this is EU and USA only for now but will see if it shows up in my country soon.
jmcmaster Thank you for taking the time to comment!! Let me know where you are from and I can let you know. I'm working as fast as possible, but I'm also being careful, I really don't want to do anything wrong with the datalaws. So for now we are only publishing when we know we are good, legally speaking.
Being spontaneous requires energy. A lot of people lack energy but still loves their partner.
Following the prompt isn’t mandatory, just take it as a source of inspiration for when you want to be kind but have no idea.