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by asolove
880 days ago
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+1 to this. I no longer even associate with the religion that required us to do preparation, but still look back with appreciation on this event. And while I would not be in favor of any state or religious requirement, I still wish it were just more widely done. Call it a marriage mindfulness weekend, make it a social norm as strong as sending "save-the-dates". It was wild to go to a marriage prep event and see couples right next to us start yelling at each other "what do you mean you want kids?" or "why would I quit my job?" I don't know how you get engaged without knowing these things already. For us, it led to some really good, deep conversations on what we wanted the future to be like. We were already largely aligned on practical things, but learned even more about some of our deepest dreams. And the style of conversation we practiced is still routinely useful when we get misaligned and need to talk about our hopes before we even start debating some concrete decision. |
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Put marriage aside, I don't know how couples avoid talking about this in general. I've been with my partner over a decade, not married, and obviously we talked about our feelings about children in the first two years. I don't see how it's possible to have a serious relationship and not do that. The same goes for virtually every other issue. We've had combined finances for most of our relationship now, for example.
If it's awkward or uncomfortable to talk about things like this with your (potential) life partner, that's a feeling it's absolutely vital to work through very early. You don't want to go through life with someone feeling that you can't broach any serious topic.