[bscphil]

> It was wild to go to a marriage prep event and see couples right next to us start yelling at each other "what do you mean you want kids?" or "why would I quit my job?" I don't know how you get engaged without knowing these things already.

Put marriage aside, I don't know how couples avoid talking about this in general. I've been with my partner over a decade, not married, and obviously we talked about our feelings about children in the first two years. I don't see how it's possible to have a serious relationship and not do that. The same goes for virtually every other issue. We've had combined finances for most of our relationship now, for example.

If it's awkward or uncomfortable to talk about things like this with your (potential) life partner, that's a feeling it's absolutely vital to work through very early. You don't want to go through life with someone feeling that you can't broach any serious topic.

[frumper]

I know quite a few married couples that will rarely discuss finances with each other, they definitely won't combine money aside from transferring each other payments through Venmo. I've seen one Venmo money for dinner and later that night the other will Venmo money back for ice cream. It's bonkers to me and my wife. Some of them have no idea how much debt/savings each other have. That sounds like one rough patch from a disaster.