If you don't care about practicality, take all the even rows of seats, board the left window seats first, then the middle, then the aisles, then the right window, middle, and aisle, then the same thing again with the odd rows of seats. (Steffen Modified) If you're really dead set on perfection, force every one of those groups of people to board back-to-front, effectively creating a separate boarding group for each seat. (Steffen Perfect)
If you live on Planet Earth, don't assign seats and don't have boarding groups. Let people sit whenever and wherever they want. (Random) It turns out most people will naturally do the things that make boarding quick anyway and literally all organized boarding is a conspiracy to make boarding take longer so airlines can sell you faster boarding.
* faster de-planing (this, and an assumption that people paying more USUALLY cause less trouble, thus better to seat near the pilots)
* the illusion of exclusivity (more important people 'go first')
* the actual practice of exclusivity (service is provided highest paying class to least) when things run short / out
* First Class, the one time I ever flew it, got meal choices that seemed actually good. Behind them it's always dry pretzel things for a snack flight or some mish mash of global fusion I'd never roll the dice on; or an overpriced stale sandwich from one of the stores in the area past TSA.
Last trip, I just packed ham sandwiches and cookies in the carry bag. I feel like a high-schooler on a field trip, but I'm not paying $10+ for box of terrible snacks.
Also, never pay the First Class premium on UK railways: it's the same sort of terrible box you wouldn't buy for $10 on a plane, but the fare premium was £20 on the train I took (Swindon-Plymouth)
Can I pay for last-boarding/slow boarding? Not sure why people want to rush onto the plane that will land at the same time as everyone else.
Other than the carryon issue, but, knocks wood, has always worked for me (Note I'm usually long-haul where not as many people try to avoid a checked bag, and sometimes I'm no carry-on, just a checked bag).
Ah they do? I was flying Southwest a few years ago (right before COVID) from Phoenix to Oakland (via Portland....) and the seats were assigned. I remember this because the whole family was scattered around the plane despite us coming in rather early and all together.
You must be misremembering. Southwest has an assigned boarding order, and you pick any seat when you board. It is likely that your family was scattered around because of limited available seats when you boarded. Those who fly don't fly Southwest very often aren't familiar with the check-in process and often end up in the later boarding groups. Showing up and checking in for the flight in-person typically results in a late boarding group, because most of the good boarding groups are already taken 24 hours before the flight when online check-in opens up.
None of them. The ultimate suggestion of the "steffen modified" is not much better than random. Neither is window-middle-aisle. For CGPGrey it's just nerding out for the sake of it. For the airlines it's publicity.