[nameless912]

My last CEO (healthcare startup) told me during my interview with them "but you don't look autistic!" and that should have been the end of the conversation there. When people show you who they are, believe them and all that.

[sophyphreak]

More people should do this! One time I advised people to out themselves in interviews--there are literal empirical reasons to do this--and I cannot describe how chewed out I got. Normalize neurodivergence!

[nameless912]

THANK YOU. I make it a priority to introduce myself, and my disability, during my first 1:1 with every manager I have; it makes a huge difference. The conversation usually goes like:

- I am autistic

- I don't need any particular accommodations

- I will attempt to overcommunicate what I'm doing so that I can get your help if I rabbit hole on something (one of my common tendencies)

- I tend to need mental health days slightly more often than usual

- I will tell people I work with when I'm comfortable doing so, but this isn't a secret and don't feel bad if you accidentally out me.

I've never had a manager be anything but extremely appreciative to receive this context. Normalize talking about your needs, even if you don't have a diagnosed neurodivergence!

[paulddraper]

....what was the lead up to that statement?

"I'm autistic"

"Oh, you don't seem autistic"

[nameless912]

So the story here is that the CEO's brother is Autistic, and was one of the major inspirations for the company. Being "out" about my disability, I thought it was really cool at the time and mentioned that I'm Autistic, and seeing her embrace her brother as part of the core mission of the company was inspiring.

[nvm0n2]

Like in your other story, the response you got is actually pretty reasonable and you seem to be slightly out of step with what other people are thinking here.

The fashion for high functioning, highly articulate individuals calling themselves "autistic" is relatively new. To the vast majority of people the word autistic means severe disability that requires constant care, involves repetitive stimming motions and often is directly visible via an abnormal facial structure.

In this conventional usage of the term autistic people don't turn up to job interviews and say "Oh your brother is autistic, cool that it inspired you, I'm autistic too!" because they don't turn up to job interviews at all. Depending on how severe her brother's condition is she may well have been quietly offended that you were trying to pass yourself off as having a similar problem.

[nameless912]

So the specific framing, since it seems like this matters to you, was that she asked why I was interested in the healthcare space, and I said that I am autistic and have to interact with the American healthcare system, which is doubly hard for me specifically because I'm autistic: the myriad confusing systems you have to interact with just to get your basic healthcare needs in the US are difficult for me because of the number of interpersonal interactions required, and because I am "high functioning" (which, to your point, is a "relatively new label" [it's actually not, but that's not an argument I feel like having right now]) I'm very often not taken seriously when, for example, I have a sensory need during an MRI.

I said that I was appreciative that she wanted to make healthcare better for her brother, because it would help people like me too. And her response, after hearing my story about struggling to navigate the system she claims to want to improve on account of my very real, and sometimes very debilitating, disability, was "but you don't seem disabled." I don't think I'm in the wrong for being offended here. In my mind, It'd be very similar to if I had said that I struggled with the healthcare system due to losing a leg in an accident, and her response was "oh, but I can't see that your leg is missing because this is a zoom call."

The fact that I wasn't, at _that moment_, having a visible need, doesn't negate the existence of a disability that occasionally renders me mute, or makes me so overwhelmed I lash out at the people around me, or causes me actual physical pain. And mind you, I _was_ stimming; out of necessity many autistic folks who work in professional environments find stims that are relatively invisible on camera or in person in order to help us get through social interactions without losing our minds. It wasn't visible to her, but that doesn't change the reality of my story and my situation.

[taurath]

> The fashion for high functioning, highly articulate individuals calling themselves "autistic" is relatively new

It’s a spectrum, and you don’t know the struggles of the person you’re replying to. Just because someone can mask or play off as high functioning doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle, especially with people making flippant remarks like this - in fact one of the struggles that keep people from being continually employed is that accommodations aren’t taken seriously because people assume that a working mask means they’re trying to make up excuses. Your statement that the “vast majority of people” only equate it with only the most severe disability is based on… what? Almost everyone I know especially in tech have worked with someone on the spectrum.

[boringalterego]

"Hi autistic, I'm dad. "

I've had that answer before... That was a fun but volatile place to work for a summer internship.

[willcipriano]

"Neither do you brother, could've fooled me"

[yieldcrv]

why aren't their positive traits that you see 99% of the time “who they really are”

just a question about the phrase, not this particular person

how does this give any predictive insight aside from you thinking they're hiding the rest of the time

[nameless912]

In my experience, people who are dicks once in an environment where it was totally uncalled for are often hiding much more under the surface. It's like the old adage - one cockroach on the floor equals a hundred in the wall.