I don’t understand why someone would even think about that. They are here with you now, so what if they’ve screwed around before? How does that even affect you (other than some added experience you may even profit from)
To be fair, it isn't always profit from. I've been with some higher body count partners, between the good sides, they also often have negatives, people who have broken their boundaries, triggers formed because someone did something they might not have wanted and so on. And then it happens that they may not want to do something with you because it reminds them of some asshole from the past and so on. In a casual relationship, this is fine, but its tough being in a serious relationship with such elements.
This isn’t universal to having multiple partners though as sexual abuse can occur with only a single relationship and very obviously also outside of a relationship.
>> This isn’t universal to having multiple partners though as sexual abuse can occur with only a single relationship and very obviously also outside of a relationship.
statistically, it is proven that those unfortunate people go on to be very promiscuous in life
That's a bit different, the issues with trauma from sexual abuse can lead to sexual promiscuity but it doesn't follow that having multiple sexual partners means you are suffering trauma from sexual abuse. And neither imply what an individual would be comfortable doing in a sexual relationship.
Yup! In particular judging someone on a single axis and using that to come to conclusions about what sex acts they'll do or won't do with you is a very jaundiced, objectifying way to look at another human.
Personally, I'd prefer a partner who has not been overly promiscuous, because I myself have not.
It affects me in multiple ways, for one, I'm looking for long-term stability, and while I don't think there's anything morally wrong with having many partners, it suggests there is something about that person that does not align with that.
I don't believe people change very much, I believe people think they change very much.
The most chaotic people I know are the ones who "have finally gotten to the right place in their life" all the fucking time.. They're the people who will buy a sweater and declare with a relaxed breath how now their life is finally complete and they wish for nothing further.
From that perspective, I don't believe a person with a large amount of previous partners have "finally found the right one", because, that's what they said the last N times.
Again, absolutely nothing wrong with having many partners, but it's my belief that the many-partner-people are more well suited for other many-partner-people than with me personally.
> it suggests there is something about that person that does not align with that.
I think this is insufficiently nuanced (assuming you wouldn't reject someone for going on a lot of dates and being picky). Many people have come to the conclusion that sexual chemistry is really important to a good relationship and thus try to test that as early as possible. This is quite different from sleeping around "for fun".
I've only ever been interested in long-term committed relationships and racked up a high-ish body count this way. One to two dates, clear it's not going to work out, keep looking. I've now been in a long term relationship for over a decade and imagine I'll be in it till I die, many of my friends are in similar positions.
You should read some evolutionary psychology. Taking some ideology you hold, which is very modern, and then claiming to not understand why anyone would think otherwise shows a pretty severe lack of ability to understand how others might think.
Maybe I should. However, I'm not sure how trustworthy perspectives on history are that claim humans have had a different approach to dating in the past, considering how historians have a history of manipulation when it comes to promiscuity.
Of course I can understand how people feel different about this, but it doesn't strike me any less irrational and petty: They don't seem to realise those problems come from their own insecurities, not their partners or their previous romantic encounters.
I really doubt this thing that experience with multiple people makes you better at sex. The physical aspects of sex are dead simple, and not that exciting.
Everyone but the exceptionally oblivious, will know their own body better than any partner could hope to. Better sex (beyond a low point) comes not from some esoteric physical technique, but from what goes on in people's heads, "horniness" in the article's terminology.
More likely you get worse at it as you age, and all the clever things "experience" can come up with to make things spicier in the brain-part of sex, only partially makes up for not being (as) young and not exploring the map for the first time.