[jacquesm]

Gah that sucks. The randomness of it all is maddening.

I buried an uncle a few months ago, he had a very nasty case of cancer and was in so much pain that we were all so grateful that at least here in NL there was the option to throw in the towel. He was a super nice man and I regret not having more contact with him in my life (my family is rather fragmented). But so much suffering is just too much to inflict on anybody. I can't seem to get through six months right now without a funeral and given the age of my extended family members that trend is likely not going to change for a long time to come.

[beachy]

My brother in law died slowly and painfully from motor neurone disease. The worst way to go.

He was a real fighter, and had several goals - to see his son turn 21, to get to some big rowing champs, etc.

He achieved some of those goals, and missed out on others. But as his disease wore on, he became so disabled and in so much pain that life was a true misery. Not just for him but for his loved ones, who were also his carers.

His last few months were not good for anyone and both my wife and I decided we would rather shuffle off than extend our lives in a similar situation.

[jacquesm]

There are some other stories playing out in my family right now that are very close analogies to yours and I hope that you managed to eventually heal and deal with the stress. I can see all kinds of stress fractures running through my family because of the enormous pressure exerted by caring for people in the final days of their lives. It's very painful to see people cause all kinds of damage to each other and themselves with the best of intentions.

[beachy]

Good luck to you and your family. Time heals all wounds, as it did for us, though scars of course remain.

[jacquesm]

Thank you. Likewise!

[vogt]

Randomness is definitely true. My cousin was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor at two years old. Two! The prognosis was that at absolute best, she would live to 16 years of age.

However! Happily, she is alive, well, and living every day like it’s her last at ~31 now. Been in remission for at least 10-15 years or something, I’m not sure the exact specifics.

But what a horrible, arbitrary curse to put on a 2 year old child. Her family lived with ours for a number of years and I vividly remember her beautiful curly red hair falling out repeatedly. I also remember the “fuse import” (no clue if that’s the actual name) buried in her chest. And all of this happening while she’s learning to walk, talk, and progress through elementary school.

[jacquesm]

A friend of mine works in the cancer ward of a childrens hospital in Amsterdam (Emma Kinderziekenhuis), she's the strongest person that I know. I couldn't face that kind of hardship in others.

[bigwavedave]

Dang I'm sorry, that's awful :'(. I know that a common theme in literature is that everyone dies alone, but I'm glad that your uncle wasn't alone when he was finally freed from pain. You're right, that's too much suffering to inflict on anybody, and the randomness... It feels almost cruel sometimes. To me, that is.

[bane]

I'm really sorry to hear it. :(

The past few years seem to have been really hard on people, even those without COVID. It seems the number of deaths in my circle too has accelerated -- especially among the "old but still should have some life left in 'em" cohort.

[jacquesm]

I'm sort of mentally bracing myself for the next couple of years. In my family I'm give or take a week the oldest in my generation and pretty soon everybody above me will be gone. It will be a strange phase in my life, one where there is no more living tie to the past.

[JamesSwift]

Yep. The randomness. And the helplessness of others (speaking as the relative of the cancer patient). Its just a terrible feeling all around.

[jacquesm]

Yes, the helplessness is terrible. It's one of the things I've really had to face up close recently and there is no really good way to deal with it.

[JamesSwift]

If it helps you feel better, I have no idea either : )

Cancer sucks.