[fragsworth]

The worst thing you can do for a kid's intelligence is to let them think they are smart. I was led to believe I was smart as a child. The resulting intellectual cockiness I had... "I'm too smart for this shit." or "I don't need to study for this crap."

In the end, I don't really like to think about how far it set me back.

[palish]

Absolutely. My experience was the same: my mother loved to talk to me about my intelligence and curiosity as if they were rare and therefore special.

Maybe it was true, but by telling me that, she accidentally laid the foundation of the rest of my life: I started distancing myself from my classmates, and eventually my peers.

The result? I now have a skillset roughly equivalent to Carmack's, but no chance to capitalize on it. No one believes nor cares. (http://dl.dropbox.com/u/315/portfolio/pre-textured.jpg ; http://dl.dropbox.com/u/315/portfolio/face.png)

By setting myself apart, I likely ruined myself without even realizing it. It turns out that my skills don't matter. A Carmack without a company is no Carmack at all. And now I've no ability with people, as he does.

[Tichy]

"no chance to capitalize on it. No one believes nor cares."

Um, when Doom came out, I didn't even know who Carmack was. I just liked the game. Just create something kickass with your skills...

[booop]

> I now have a skillset roughly equivalent to Carmack's

That's a very, very bold claim.

[gruseom]

Bosh. Learn! You totally can.

[smallhands]

Ok I can relate to that myself I am kind of curious can you list those skills

[palish]

- full stack programmer. My focus is always on the quality and robustness of the final design, regardless of which specific technologies/components are used. I learn them all.

- a deep knowledge of the details. I share Robert Morris' passion for understanding precisely what is going on at every level. My insight into the low-level details of next-gen CPUs came from reading the Intel architecture manuals several times over.

- an ability to achieve high-quality results within a very short period of time, regardless of the project or goal. If you show me a problem, I'll show you a solution by the end of the day, probably with a rough prototype. By a week, I'll have discovered which solution/direction is the best long-term strategy, and will have a working production version 1.

- I have good judgement. This turns out to be rare.

Specific technologies:

- a master of C/C++. I've been coding since age 12, and I'm now 23, so that's easily 30,000+ hours I've spent practicing. I've been writing C/C++ professionally daily since my first gamedev job in 2007. Python is my language of choice; Lua a close second, primarily when performance is of concern (such as in gamedev). But a language is merely a means to an end, and I work with all of them.

- several years of hobby experience writing Rails websites/Javascript. I write Lisp interpreters for fun. I want to write an Arc compiler someday.

- extensive sysadmin knowledge, both Unix and Windows. FreeBSD is my preferred OS for server-side deployment.

- master of realtime 3D graphics; both OpenGL and D3D. Given time and freedom, I can build you a renderer of the finest quality (equal or higher than Rage).

- artistic talent and taste. Several years of 3D Studio Max and Maya modeling and animation experience. I build next-gen character art (high-poly sculpt in ZBrush, then decimate / build low-poly shell in 3D Coat; project detail; touch up textures via Photoshop -> rig in 3DSMax -> animate -> import into game).

Projects:

- in highschool, wrote a game engine roughly equivalent to Quake.

- several game engines / game ideas.

- a full game editor, using C#/.NET WinForms.

- next-gen realtime graphics experiments, including realtime skin rendering (the same technique was recently shown by Epic in their "Good Samaritan" demo).

- several Rails websites. Made a system for schools to administer tests, with the intent of surpassing Blackboard. (JavaScript-based; this was back before "Ajax" was a fancy buzzword.) Tried to apply to YC with it. pg gave valuable advice (selling to schools is like selling to government; quality doesn't always win). Was invited to Hacker School though, which was fun (seeing Anybots' Dexter robot in person walk around on two legs was just awesome).

Experience:

- Simutronics, HeroEngine. Graphics programmer (3 years)

- S2 Games, Heroes of Newerth. Engine programmer (1 year)

My thirst for knowledge is unquenchable in five lifetimes, and I strive for beauty and elegance in everything I pursue.

If anyone feels these claims seem too bold to be true, I'd love the opportunity to work with you to prove myself while serving your interests.

[mitsche]

Dude, you're only 23. When you say you have no ability with people, what exactly do you mean by that?

When I was 23 I was more or less a complete moron with people, and for years to come. But it has improved to the point where I'm content. And I'm only 29 now.

If you were more specific about your problems with social interaction you'd probably get some good advice here.

[palish]

Sam Altman has what I lack. http://www.paulgraham.com/fundraising.html

> You could parachute him into an island full of cannibals and come back in 5 years and he'd be the king. If you're Sam Altman, you don't have to be profitable to convey to investors that you'll succeed with or without them. (He wasn't, and he did.)

More than that, I can't seem to inspire confidence in people. I don't know the cause, but it's proving lethal to my ambitions. As far as I can tell, it's the same situation Jobs found himself in:

> "You know, I’ve got a plan that could rescue Apple. I can’t say any more than that it’s the perfect product and the perfect strategy for Apple. But nobody there will listen to me.” [1995]

I don't know. I'm just enjoying life and pursuing my research. But it feels unsettling coasting like this. I have Carmack's technical skill; if only I could rally like-minded capable people who wanted to build the next Id or Epic, then we'd stand a fair shot at success, at influencing our industry and the world. We wouldn't be just another puppet for publishers. We'd have a shot at making an impact: the next Half-Life or Final Fantasy or World of Warcraft. The formula is good people + shared goal + time + rapid iteration + don't get distracted. It works, it's proven, and I've seen it happen firsthand at S2. We can achieve that same success.

But why should anyone take me seriously? I probably wouldn't, if I weren't me.

[danielharan]

These aren't innate talents, they are learned.

Start interacting with people with the objective of getting better at relating. Read the classics - Win Friends, etc. Check out the literature on pick up artistry. Balance it with meditation and compassion training, so you don't become a social robot. Go to parties. Slowly put yourself into more challenging situations. Start with dance or cooking lessons.

It may take 10,000 hours to become like Sam Altman, but 1,000 will get you half way there.

You're 23... you've been learning code for 11 years? That time you put in was time you couldn't be socializing. The good news is that jocks weren't putting their mind to it. Dedicated practice will make you even better than they are now.

[langsamer]

I would recomend some social "stretching" techniques. Tim Ferris talks about them in his book 4-hr work week:

1. Make eye-contact. Make a conscious effort to do this. Pick one eye and stick to it. Make eye-contact on passer-bys on the street. If they cause trouble, just say "Sorry, you just look really familiar"

2. Get phone numbers. The goal will be to get numbers from attractive females/males. Remember the real goal is not to get the numbers but get over the fear of asking, so the outcomes are unimportant. A mall is a great place to try this. He recommends to get over the discomfort quickly, ask three people in a row within five minutes. Here's an example script he provides.

"Excuse me, I know this is going to sound strange, but if I don't ask you know, I'll be kicking myself for the rest of the day. I'm running to meet a friend [i.e., I have friends and am not a stalker], but I think you're really [extremely, drop dead] cute [gorgeous, hot]. Could I have your phone number? I'm not a psycho, I promise. You can give me a fake one if you're not interested."

3. Relax in public. Simply lie down in the middle of a crowded public place at some point. It can be a well trafficked sidewalk, the middle of a popular Starbucks, or a popular bar. There is no real technique. Just lie down and remain silent on the ground for 10 seconds. Then get up and continue with what you were doing. Don't explain it at all.

I've done the first two and it was a bit difficult at first, but over time it becomes totally second nature. At that point you can talk to anyone about anything without feeling timid. When that confidence builds up, I find that your passions come out naturally as you converse with that person since you don't have any insecurities hindering your thoughts.

[esja]

Have you thought about "putting yourself out there" a bit more? You could look at it like an experiment, just sharing your knowledge with the world, humbly and with no expectation of a return... I bet you would find all sorts of positives come from it over time. Maybe you do this already, but I only found one blog post (a good one) and no tweets.

[mahyarm]

Nothing against Sam Altman, I've never met him and I'm guessing you haven't too, but as far as startups go loopt hasn't really exploded or gotten anywhere much in the past 6 years. It seems like it's in a stable state. It's like your mythologizing the local 5 store chain CEO thats been around for 40 years, but has never expanded beyond the state.

Nothing gets people's attention as a product that looks like it's getting somewhere. A prototype is a lot better than just an idea.

[lukev]

If nothing in here is exaggerated, then you don't need people skills. You should be able to easily find a problem to solve that will give you passive income, which will give you time to work on indie games.

Then, if those are as good as you claim, you will have enough concrete proof of skills to land a top slot at a game dev company (or just start/grow your own...) regardless of contacts or negotiating ability.

In other words, you don't need to persuade people to invest in you. You don't need to be "given a chance" or garner support. Just go do something kickass. It's impossible to argue with results.

[aiscott]

Start your own damn company! You don't have to be best friends to hire an employee.

[palish]

That's the plan, but without charisma or pedigree, I've found it quite difficult to inspire confidence.

[viscanti]

Charisma and pedigree are over-rated. The problem seems to be that you think you can (or should) be good at everything. Embrace your strengths and find someone who is strong where you're weak. It might take some work to find that person (or team), but if it was easy, everyone would be doing it.

[kmfrk]

I think it's a bit of an overstatement to say that all founders are charismatic playboys.

People in the industry respect talent and vision more than anything else.

[ihodes]

I can't help but think the same. Though it wasn't so much hearing it as going to a school that was far too easy. It's not even my grades that have suffered, but how much knowledge I may have let slip by because I just retained it long enough for the grade. On the other hand, the time saved from not studying for some classes has resulted in me picking up a lot of knowledge that I wouldn't have otherwise…

I think what matters most, if you haven't screwed up too bad (and it's hard to mess up that much, for most people on HN, I'd imagine), is that you step back, take a breath, and realize that you still have the potential. Then fucking work.

[vidar]

Thinking about what could have been is a red herring your mind throws out to you. There are countless ways your life could have turned out better.

The only thing that counts is how you improve your current situation, dont let the past disturb that process.

Good luck!

[euccastro]

There's a football (soccer) saying: "the most important play is always the next one."