[mitsche]

Dude, you're only 23. When you say you have no ability with people, what exactly do you mean by that?

When I was 23 I was more or less a complete moron with people, and for years to come. But it has improved to the point where I'm content. And I'm only 29 now.

If you were more specific about your problems with social interaction you'd probably get some good advice here.

[palish]

Sam Altman has what I lack. http://www.paulgraham.com/fundraising.html

> You could parachute him into an island full of cannibals and come back in 5 years and he'd be the king. If you're Sam Altman, you don't have to be profitable to convey to investors that you'll succeed with or without them. (He wasn't, and he did.)

More than that, I can't seem to inspire confidence in people. I don't know the cause, but it's proving lethal to my ambitions. As far as I can tell, it's the same situation Jobs found himself in:

> "You know, I’ve got a plan that could rescue Apple. I can’t say any more than that it’s the perfect product and the perfect strategy for Apple. But nobody there will listen to me.” [1995]

I don't know. I'm just enjoying life and pursuing my research. But it feels unsettling coasting like this. I have Carmack's technical skill; if only I could rally like-minded capable people who wanted to build the next Id or Epic, then we'd stand a fair shot at success, at influencing our industry and the world. We wouldn't be just another puppet for publishers. We'd have a shot at making an impact: the next Half-Life or Final Fantasy or World of Warcraft. The formula is good people + shared goal + time + rapid iteration + don't get distracted. It works, it's proven, and I've seen it happen firsthand at S2. We can achieve that same success.

But why should anyone take me seriously? I probably wouldn't, if I weren't me.

[danielharan]

These aren't innate talents, they are learned.

Start interacting with people with the objective of getting better at relating. Read the classics - Win Friends, etc. Check out the literature on pick up artistry. Balance it with meditation and compassion training, so you don't become a social robot. Go to parties. Slowly put yourself into more challenging situations. Start with dance or cooking lessons.

It may take 10,000 hours to become like Sam Altman, but 1,000 will get you half way there.

You're 23... you've been learning code for 11 years? That time you put in was time you couldn't be socializing. The good news is that jocks weren't putting their mind to it. Dedicated practice will make you even better than they are now.

[palish]

That's probably true. Thank you.

Did you find it difficult?

[danielharan]

No lie: it was tough at first.

[langsamer]

I would recomend some social "stretching" techniques. Tim Ferris talks about them in his book 4-hr work week:

1. Make eye-contact. Make a conscious effort to do this. Pick one eye and stick to it. Make eye-contact on passer-bys on the street. If they cause trouble, just say "Sorry, you just look really familiar"

2. Get phone numbers. The goal will be to get numbers from attractive females/males. Remember the real goal is not to get the numbers but get over the fear of asking, so the outcomes are unimportant. A mall is a great place to try this. He recommends to get over the discomfort quickly, ask three people in a row within five minutes. Here's an example script he provides.

"Excuse me, I know this is going to sound strange, but if I don't ask you know, I'll be kicking myself for the rest of the day. I'm running to meet a friend [i.e., I have friends and am not a stalker], but I think you're really [extremely, drop dead] cute [gorgeous, hot]. Could I have your phone number? I'm not a psycho, I promise. You can give me a fake one if you're not interested."

3. Relax in public. Simply lie down in the middle of a crowded public place at some point. It can be a well trafficked sidewalk, the middle of a popular Starbucks, or a popular bar. There is no real technique. Just lie down and remain silent on the ground for 10 seconds. Then get up and continue with what you were doing. Don't explain it at all.

I've done the first two and it was a bit difficult at first, but over time it becomes totally second nature. At that point you can talk to anyone about anything without feeling timid. When that confidence builds up, I find that your passions come out naturally as you converse with that person since you don't have any insecurities hindering your thoughts.

[esja]

Have you thought about "putting yourself out there" a bit more? You could look at it like an experiment, just sharing your knowledge with the world, humbly and with no expectation of a return... I bet you would find all sorts of positives come from it over time. Maybe you do this already, but I only found one blog post (a good one) and no tweets.

[palish]

Good point, thanks. I could conjure up a few interesting stories. Also some useful hands-on (cross platform) game programming tutorials. "Learn Game Programming the Hard Way."

[mahyarm]

Nothing against Sam Altman, I've never met him and I'm guessing you haven't too, but as far as startups go loopt hasn't really exploded or gotten anywhere much in the past 6 years. It seems like it's in a stable state. It's like your mythologizing the local 5 store chain CEO thats been around for 40 years, but has never expanded beyond the state.

Nothing gets people's attention as a product that looks like it's getting somewhere. A prototype is a lot better than just an idea.

[balsam]

In that quoted article PG said Sam had already succeeded. Making it an interesting question of what exactly is PG's definition of success, because he's been making it seem all along that a runaway nuclear reaction was a necessary ingredient for success in the startup world.