[savef]

>I absolutely hated the mandatory 1-3 days chatting

That's fascinating, as somebody who loves this period and thinks of it as a requirement to find out my compatibility with somebody before we go on an actual date. If you're not up to scratch on the initial few days of chatting then I have no interest in taking it further. And I appreciate that many people aren't interested in this, but then it just means the two of us aren't compatible, and that's fine.

[JauntyHatAngle]

It's all personal, so you aren't wrong, but I have the near opposite opinion.

I believe the days messaging are a waste of time as I have no clue if a spark is there in person before I see you in the flesh. And very quickly, short time for physical attraction, and within 2-3 minutes for interaction, I can tell if there is the potential for something growing. None of that happens in messaging beyond very basic filtering of basic comms.

Messaging back and forth really doesn't mean much for me. I spend relationships with a person in the flesh, and message not very often, so initial contact on dating websites beyond a few basic messages back and forth are essentially just more dancing around before we get to the brass tax of whether there is any chance at all of attraction.

But that's me and how it worked for me and my partner. Everyone's different of course.

[pmoriarty]

"initial contact on dating websites beyond a few basic messages back and forth are essentially just more dancing around before we get to the brass tax of whether there is any chance at all of attraction."

"brass tacks"[1], not "brass tax".

[1] - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/brass%20tacks

[JauntyHatAngle]

No you see I use a brass abacus to do my tax im not an idiot I'm right thanks.

Yup, saved it jaunty, you've still got it.

[caseyscottmckay]

Ha. TIL. Boneappletea.

[qlm]

I find text chatting with a stranger to very difficult compared to talking in person. I've never managed to move from the chat stage on a dating app to a real date.

I generally find people easy to talk to in person. All my romantic partners have been people I've met in real life. It's much easier to gauge their reactions, read their body language, etc. Waiting for a response on a chat fills me with anxiety.

Once I've met someone in real life, text chatting becomes much easier.

[pmoriarty]

"I find text chatting with a stranger to very difficult compared to talking in person"

I've always just talked on the phone. I know a lot of younger people are afraid of phone conversations too, but I'm fortunate to be of an older generation for whom it's not a big deal.

I guess you could also try a Zoom date.

[AnIdiotOnTheNet]

I'm from an older generation that used to talk on the phone a lot, and I still hate talking on the phone nowadays.

I think it has something to do with the absolutely abysmal audio quality of today's phones, which makes it a lot harder for some of us to process speech and hear the more subtle vocal communications.

[solardev]

Those "you're muted"s really help set the mood.

[moonchrome]

Personal experience - back when I was using dating apps - I was bored and wanted to have a nice time somewhere. Sure meeting someone was the goal but going to a nice place was usually the only expectation I've had. I've had meh encounters - but the places we went to were usually nice. I've had the most fun with the girl I had no interest in sexually - we went out then kept in touch and traveled around.

[giantg2]

I'd rather just go with a friend than with some random. Seems like it'd be much more enjoyable that way. Nothing wrong with going alone too. "Table for one" should not be embarrassing.

[moonchrome]

It's not the same dynamic. Even when I'd met someone I wasn't clicking with - I still made an effort to make the experience pleasant and it would make the dates I was into smoother.

Also when I moved to another city was a great way to get out of the apartment since I knew nobody there.

Going solo is counterproductive if your goal is meeting new people.

[ioblomov]

A suggestion for next time: try the bar. Even if you’re not a drinker, it’s a great way to meet people, romantically or otherwise. After all, if they didn’t want to talk to random strangers, they’d be drinking/dining at home (or a table).

[giantg2]

I would suggest dive bars. Many of the "hip" places blast music so you can't talk.

[crossroadsguy]

My personal take is opposite of yours. No matter what amount of chemistry and compatibility I’ve built on text, it might go down the flush the moment I see you, or within first few seconds. And this happens most of the time. So yeah, that “texting period” is a waste of time; at least personally for me.