[fruit2020]

You’re right. I din’t want to be perceived as gay. What is wrong with that? I have so many gay people I know. My dentist, my next door neighbors, my ex boss, my ex classmate, some work colleagues. I get along with all of them. Live and let live. Let me enjoy being straight.

[briga]

How exactly do a couple funny looks from strangers prevent you from enjoying being straight? If you were gay would you get mad at people for assuming you're straight? You can't control what people think of you, so it's hardly sensible to base your enjoyment of life on their opinions.

[Gentil]

If you do this behaviour regularly, they'll think you're gay. Like many mentioned, the bar is very low when it comes to being perceived as gay these days. Great for gay folks cos they've gone through shit. Good for them. They should be able to be themselves.

But certain actions eventually would make people think a straight dude gay. Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos you're thought as gay. It's so hard to explain this. It's a bunch of things. If it is a one off, it is not an issue. But otherwise it is complicated.

This is why dudes are soooo expressive with their buddies in a closed environment they are comfortable with. Shit is completely different when you are outside of that.

One of the biggest BS I have come to realise is people saying ignore the world and the society. If you have nothing to lose, sure. Else YOU ARE LIVING IN A SOCIETY. And there are norms.

Just like people accepting gay people are new thing, the society learning to differentiate who is whom is a new thing as well. Just imagine a woman/man for instance going to a someone and saying - "you are not gay right?". That would be explosive. The first reply could be "what if I am?" in an angry tone. This is tricky cos everybody is learning.

It's just difficult. Now imagine the same happening in an asian country or somewhere where it is relatively new about this. You won't have the same luxury of being given a benefit of doubt even if you mean things in a good sense. Cos the LGBTQ+ community could be going through shit already. So they are by default defensive.

PS: Just sharing my perspective based on things I have experienced and seen. Not hate towards anything or anyone to be extra clear. :peace:

[achenet]

> Then the people you are interested in "romantically" won't be interested in you cos you're thought as gay.

And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to.

> Just like people accepting gay people are new thing, the society learning to differentiate who is whom is a new thing as well. Just imagine a woman/man for instance going to a someone and saying - "you are not gay right?". That would be explosive. The first reply could be "what if I am?" in an angry tone. This is tricky cos everybody is learning.

Uh... I've had people ask me my sexual preference many times, sometimes in gay clubs. Never once seen it offend anyone, it's more like asking someone for their pronouns.

[Gentil]

> And you can fix this in like 10 seconds via asking the person out on a date or casually mentioning that cute person of the opposite gender you saw yesterday that you wish you'd talked to.

Yes. Of course. But why do you expect people are directly conversing? Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking.

I don't think I can clearly explain this.

> Uh... I've had people ask me my sexual preference many times, sometimes in gay clubs. Never once seen it offend anyone, it's more like asking someone for their pronouns.

Thank you. From where I am, people have only relatively recently been open about this. Like I said, experiences vary.

[achenet]

> Anyone around interested but presumes me as gay wouldn't even bother asking.

Hot girl walks by. Make a point of checking her out. Believe me, there are a myriad of ways to express attraction to a certain type of person when in proximity to someone. Arguably the most direct being eye contact with someone you could be interested in.

Girl sees two men walking together holding hands. One makes eye contact + explicit gesture at her. She might think he's a creep, but probably won't think he's gay.

> Thank you. From where I am, people have only relatively recently been open about this. Like I said, experiences vary.

You're welcome. FWIW, I'm in France.

[kbelder]

>Girl sees two men walking together holding hands. One makes eye contact + explicit gesture at her. She might think he's a creep, but probably won't think he's gay.

She certainly would, in the US.

[throwaway290]

A human is social, how we see ourselves is not really separable from how others see us. Read about the psychological concept of labeling: we tend to become who others think we are.

It's not about becoming mad at people around you thinking you're gay, but if you can actually fully ignore community's attitude towards you and not let it subtly change your behavior or weigh on you I'd say it's not typical.

[zwkrt]

Social pressures never turned anyone gay. Quite the opposite actually.

[throwaway290]

Of course it would not turn you gay. Or would it?

Let me rephrase this for you.

In long term we, being social, unconsciously tend to become what people expect of us (becoming typically less malleable as we age) or feel tension otherwise. In an unrelated news, we seek approval of others. Those are sadly different things. If people see you (straight) as gay, and they disapprove of gay, you got a problem on your hands.

Maybe you see how that could introduce undercurrents that hamper your enjoyment at the bar.

[fruit2020]

I enjoyed myself. I didn’t enjoy the looks, but it’s hard to explain.

[pmarreck]

> I din’t want to be perceived as gay

I'm pretty sure that unless they catch you making out with a dude, the jury will forever be out on whether you're gay or not, I think this is between you and your insecurity frankly

I've gotten more suspicious looks walking into a place alone than I have with 1 friend.

[llanowarelves]

Your psychologizing and shaming would be more effective if the OP wasn't responding to a comment that literally says as a gay man these non-gay photos (of men doing less) read to him as gay.

Which begs the question: who knows more about gay stuff? Him or you?

[the_gastropod]

Interesting username choice if true…