[oneoff786]

> I’ve often found it easier to establish friendships with women, but (being straight) they get complicated. Either I develop feelings, or they do, or there’s a suspicion from someone’s parter about the real nature of our relationship. It’s just too problematic.

I find it pretty weird to suggest you can’t have an overtly platonic relationship with someone. I’m a straight male, tall, relatively attractive, and on the wealthier side of my social circles. I’m married.

It’s very easy to behave in such a way that it’s clear I have no romantic interest in other women. I have never once felt that a woman failed to understand this and behave in kind.

[Madmallard]

Marriage specifically makes that easy I think.

[phphphphp]

I don’t think it’s that at all. I’m a single man and most of my friends and close colleagues are women: it is abundantly clear to me that most men treat friendships with women as a gateway to more. If you treat women in the same way you treat men, i.e: you do not consider friendships to be a gateway to romance, it is trivial to establish, grow and maintain meaningful friendships with women whether you’re single or married.

The fundamental mistake straight men make is that they value the potential of a romantic relationship above the likelihood of a meaningful friendship.

Have I missed out on a potential relationship? Probably… but if that’s the price to pay for these friendships I have instead then I’d pay it over and over again.

Treat women as people and not prospects and it’s trivial to be friends with women. If you want to date, go on a dating app or a dating event or something dating specific. Let women choose to be romantic prospects.

[arvinsim]

> The fundamental mistake straight men make is that they value the potential of a romantic relationship above the likelihood of a meaningful friendship.

Unfortunately, this is only something you learn after having a romantic relationship so there is the "chicken or egg" problem.

[Madmallard]

I don't think this is right at all.

I've been in several long term committed relationships. I still randomly get feelings for female friends of mine. I don't think it has to do with anything the poster above is saying. It just can happen regardless.

[phphphphp]

What do you mean by feelings? Love is a valid emotion in a friendship, I love my best friend as much as I’ve loved any partner. Feelings are not inherently romantic, romantic love is a choice.

Do you mean you find yourself lusting after your friends? If so, you should think about why that is and why you allow it to control your relationships, because lust as a catalyst for the compromise of a friendship is terrible for all involved.

Your life will improve substantially when you begin to treat all friendships, regardless of gender, as distinct, complex and meaningful relationships.

[Madmallard]

What you're saying is subjective but you're acting as if it is objective.

[Wiseacre]

It's more like those who can maintain healthy relationships with others (women and men alike) tend to end up married.

[Consultant32452]

If you are an attractive and successful man your female friends are likely interested in you, they are just respecting your boundaries which is nice.

[oneoff786]

Or maybe they learn to sort through their feelings like an adult and just don’t dwell on any romantic ideas with someone who clearly doesn’t want to reciprocate.

[Consultant32452]

So you agree they probably are romantically interested. I understand why these relationships could feel rewarding. I'm not sure it's totally healthy behavior.

[austhrow743]

Do you have a preference for female friendship for emotional support and intimacy like the poster does?

[oneoff786]

I don’t think that’s particularly salient. It’s not difficult to portray yourself as non romantically interested.

I’m not buying that the poster behaves in a way consistent with just looking for friendship at all. Especially with the comment that partners get suspicious.

[austhrow743]

I would struggle greatly to portray myself as non-romantically interested and still have the level of intimacy many women have with their close friends. They're real touchy and huggy. Resting heads on laps or shoulders.

My current partner regularly has sleep overs with her best friend where they rug up on the couch and watch movies late at night. They share the bed when my partner hosts. And its not exactly something strange I haven't seen before.

Physical touch is huge to me when it comes to feeling close to someone so when I think of women's more emotionally supportive and intimate relationships these are all the the things I think of. Maybe it's different for you. But I've seen lesbians express frustration at how it can be difficult to tell if someones interested because of it, with some relationship origin stories being that they were both having late night movie dates with their 'straight' friend, wishing the other was gay too.

[oneoff786]

Right because if you wanted to signal you were not romantically interested in a woman you would not do any of those things. That doesn’t bar you from having an emotionally supportive relationship.