[codeafin]

Glad to see this, as someone who has almost only been with people with depression, this article was a very aggressive "You're not doing enough, you're doing it wrong, you're not trying hard enough, you should be doing better" which is hypocritical. The post did not come from a place of compassion or support, but entitlement. This article doesn't understand how hard it is to listen to hours, days, months, years of a person you care about constantly speaking of ending their life. "Just Listen" may be good advice for the first 50 hours or so, but after that is absolutely not a productive suggestion.

All of those with depression who I have been with do a combination of:

- Sleep small amounts of absurd hours

- Eat junk foods

- Spend all their time on video games, YouTube, TV shows, social media

- No exercise

- Take substances such as caffeine or other recreational drugs

And it is indeed coddling that has gotten them to this point. The general response may be "It is so easy for you to say and do", but it really isn't easy for anyone.

With an increase in people who either identify as or are diagnosed with depression, they have continued to claw at other aspects to blame, and it's now shifting to blaming "loved ones" for "failing" them.

[Broken_Hippo]

This honestly just sounds like you dislike modern society and have serious misgivings about what mental illness does to people. Your list of behaviors illustrates this:

- Sleep small amounts of absurd hours A small amount of research will let you know this isn't necessarily a sign of depression, even if you witness it in others. Many folks sleep entirely too much instead. Not only that, but this is easily something other life things do: Having an infant, for example, or working long hours at a stressful job or having a health issue. Heck, if you only see them once a month, a woman's hormone cycle could do this.

- Eat junk foods Sometimes, but that's because depression robs folks of energy and motivation. Junk food is better than nothing at all. But more to the point, it is really common for normal folks to eat junk food. Just have a busy schedule or live in the Midwest.

- Spend all their time on video games, YouTube, TV shows, social media This isn't a sign of depression because it is normal in society. Signs point to such folks spending the time differently.

- No exercise So, basically normal. Exercise isn't a cure-all, and not everyone can afford things like safe areas outdoors nor proper shoes.

- Take substances such as caffeine or other recreational drugs Coffee sells really well, as does tea. I'm awfully sure that this isn't a sign of depression. I'll add that loads of folks take recreational drugs - most popularly, pot/hash and alcohol - that aren't mentally ill.

It doesn't matter if it isn't easy for you: Depression makes those things more difficult. No one said it was easy.

[ntSean]

What you've highlighted isn't incorrect, but we'd be missing the forest for the trees if we were just to only focus on each individual aspect of depression.

Exercise is required to be a human. Walking 10,000 steps each day is a good rule of thumb, it doesn't require proper shoes, or any equipment. Many people will get there just through their day-to-day activities. If that's unachievable, there are games like Ring Fit which are very accommodating.

Sleep is required to be a human. 7-8 hours a day. It doesn't need to be all at once, but it is so important not to devalue those restorative hours.

Food is required to be a human. Our gut biome is instrumental to cognitive well-being; our brain requires Omega-3 fatty acids which can not be produced within our body, and important vitamins such as D, B-12, iron, etc. are often not available in many processed foods (which is why many are becoming fortified!)

Lacking in all the above is co-emergent depression, as well as a recipe for systemic health issues.

[fleddr]

I can't believe you're trying to justify and normalize that entire list. It literally means you ignore every basic function of your body, and consequently your mind.

It's a zombie lifestyle. Exercise isn't a cure-all because reasons and people have no shoes. What!?

[Broken_Hippo]

They are normal, though. It doesn't mean folks are ignoring everything, it means they are normal. And honestly, I could argue about the abnormality of exercise since our ancestors weren't spending daily time running for the sake of running. The comment about shoes was displaying that folks have different sorts of battles to get these things done - more offering an alternative to the status you gave folks that do these things.

If you don't like it, don't do it. It doesn't make other's lifestyle less normal.

[fleddr]

I'm assuming we're referring to the parent comment which lists a combination of these behaviors, as well as doing each into the extremes.

Barely sleeping and only eating junkfood. Spending time only on games.

Surely you understand that exercise is an invention to compensate for our passive lifestyles that require far less physical activity? Does this really have to be explained?

[Gene_Parmesan]

> Glad to see this, as someone who has almost only been with people with depression

I would gently suggest you spend some time thinking about this. What makes you seek out relationships with depressed people?

I say this because I was in a similar life situation. Examining the question I just asked you very deeply helped me to a place of significant improvement for my own wellbeing.

> it's now shifting to blaming "loved ones" for "failing" them.

I didn't get this from the article at all. I think you are feeling some defensiveness, which is normal, but still.

> This article doesn't understand how hard it is to listen to hours, days, months, years of a person you care about constantly speaking of ending their life.

That's because -- as difficult as this is to accept -- in these situations the right thing to do is to leave the relationship.

I would (again, gently) suggest you research codependency. Doing so would be for your own health and happiness. I know when a therapist first called me codependent it felt like an aggressive attack; I took it extremely personally. I hope you don't feel the same. Just trying to help a fellow HNer.

[laurent92]

> - Eat junk foods

Isn’t that a side effect of lazyness?

> - Spend all their time on video games, YouTube, TV shows, social media

And loneliness?

> - Take substances such as caffeine or other recreational drugs

Doesn’t everyone drink caffeine? Asking seriously. I am depressed but I believe computer addiction sucks my liveliness, fortunately with programming instead of gaming, so I was able to make a career out of it, but it’s been the bane of my life. I prefer caffeine because it bumps my mood and I can still do sports, as opposed to meds which cut my libido and break my will to do sports and make me want to eat fat (so basically cuts my manliness), but could caffeine be the cause of anything and do most people do without?

After 39 years old, I just conclude people hate people who work and invent values to break our life (preferring some people to others, celebrating other people’s deeds (meanwhile I’ve donated thousands to charities, in hours and money, who cares?), now locking us down with covid psychosis, it sounds very fun to them), I’m done trying to better myself, ideology of favouring the weakest turns into hating the “rich” and plain bullying. If the world didn’t revolve around making our life difficult, people like me wouldn’t spend our life at work and they wouldn’t be able to fund their awful “social” (social but not me) projects. The economy of the nation revolves on stable bullying.

[supernovae]

I enjoy the coffee experience. Fitness people seem to enjoy the euphoria of Gyms and exercise. So that whole thing seems out of left field for me.

BUT, we generally need to eat a lot better, exercise more, spend less time on TV for the sake of wasting time..

But i can't generalize it all. There are lots of computer games that exercise the mind, relieve stress, offer creativity like nothing before. Minecraft is that for me - from the music to the expressiveness and the simple joy of playing.

I watch a lot of youtube videos on making music, improving my coding/development skills and history... so its not like i'm just wasting my time there.. but i have to do it in the right doses and not ignore my family/day to day life

so it's all about balance

and its so hard to balance when you work 40 hours a week, have a family, have kids and have dependencies that playing a game for 3 hours on friday is nothing compared to the rest of it.

And that's what causes the depression/burnout i see...

[orasis]

I’m one of the happiest, most fit people I know and I do not drink caffeine because it consistently affected my sleep.

[goodpoint]

Blaming people suffering from mental illness for not finding the energy to exercise, sleep and eat healthy and socialize.

Your whole post is an example of failing them.

[brandyalexxx]

Going through a pretty rough time mentally and I just came here to say that I concur. My sleep's out of whack, have been eating too much junk since mid-December, too much consumption and no creation, avoidance of work, the stress of piled up work and still not doing anything about it, haven't regularly exercised since 2-3 months now, daily caffeine intake.

Everything feeds into everything. It has become a vicious cycle. I'm trying to break out of it but somehow I fail everyday. Commenting in hopes of moving the needle by re-iterating it to myself.

[hvs]

I know exactly how you feel and have been there. It's important to adjust your thinking from "I need to break out of it and I keep failing" to celebrating the individual moments you succeed. One day at a time, as it were. Don't think "I need to start exercising regularly" just do something, go for a walk, lift weights, etc. Don't worry if you are going to do it tomorrow or the next day. You did it today. Good habits aren't things that "start" they occur because you just did something today, and you happened to do it the next, etc. until you just do it because it's a habit now.

I know it's hard, and I have to remind myself of the same things all the time. But I'm successful when I get out of my head and start acting.