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by nomadiccoder
1627 days ago
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I recently read Atomic Habits by James Clear, and also listened to some process philosophy from Steven West's Philosophize This. One takeaway that I had was on the danger of setting goals. I am trying to build a mindset of 'becoming' or to embrace the journey of the goal rather than really trying to achieve a specific milestone. - I want to reduce/eliminate my alcohol consumption to become a person that doesn't rely on alcohol for social distraction or self-medication. To achieve this I have stopped keeping any alcohol in my home. If I have a drink it will need to be out somewhere and by virtue a 'special occasion'. - I want to improve my work-life balance by setting expectations that I am unavailable after 5pm. I aspire to be someone who can remain a high performer while also finding and following my passions. This year I will continue to shape those passions. There is no real milestone that I feel I need to set. |
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I'm trying to do something similar. I have this terrible habit--that I suspect many, many people also do--of thinking that "future me" will be far more capable than present me, that in one year I'll be less anxious, more courageous, less fearful, more outgoing, etc.
(On a smaller time scale, people who struggle with kicking bad habits do the same thing, myself included. I will tell myself, "starting tomorrow, I will once and for all stop {drinking too much soda, eating too much}!" Tomorrow-Me is Hercules, with the willpower of Zeus and the indomitable spirit of a world-class athlete. Of course I end up spending tomorrow drinking soda like a fish drinks water, only to tell myself that "tomorrow will be different.")
Inevitably what ends up happening is that one year from then I'm still the same person, and all I have done is kick the can down the road on so many opportunities--the party I didn't go to because I didn't know anyone; the lunch I made an excuse to skip because I was embarrassed that my old friends were farther along in life than I was (whatever that even means); the interview I turned down because I "wasn't ready yet." While doing these things, I told myself that some indefinite period from now, I'll be this perfect human who is ready to do all of those things, and that right now I'm a flawed person who isn't ready to do those things just yet.
But that perfect human never came to be, and the flawed human is what remains. It's tautological to say this, but nothing changes if nothing changes. I won't be magically courageous or outgoing one year from now if I don't actually embrace the nervous and shy person that I am today. And I hope that if I embrace it, accept that I'll fall and stumble, and try to make little progress along the way, then one year from now I can look back and say, "I'm still not a perfect human and never will be, but I'm satisfied that I did ___."