|
I really like this idea of "becoming" / "embracing" versus trying to achieve a specific end. As the adage goes, it's all about the journey, not the destination. I'm trying to do something similar. I have this terrible habit--that I suspect many, many people also do--of thinking that "future me" will be far more capable than present me, that in one year I'll be less anxious, more courageous, less fearful, more outgoing, etc. (On a smaller time scale, people who struggle with kicking bad habits do the same thing, myself included. I will tell myself, "starting tomorrow, I will once and for all stop {drinking too much soda, eating too much}!" Tomorrow-Me is Hercules, with the willpower of Zeus and the indomitable spirit of a world-class athlete. Of course I end up spending tomorrow drinking soda like a fish drinks water, only to tell myself that "tomorrow will be different.") Inevitably what ends up happening is that one year from then I'm still the same person, and all I have done is kick the can down the road on so many opportunities--the party I didn't go to because I didn't know anyone; the lunch I made an excuse to skip because I was embarrassed that my old friends were farther along in life than I was (whatever that even means); the interview I turned down because I "wasn't ready yet." While doing these things, I told myself that some indefinite period from now, I'll be this perfect human who is ready to do all of those things, and that right now I'm a flawed person who isn't ready to do those things just yet. But that perfect human never came to be, and the flawed human is what remains. It's tautological to say this, but nothing changes if nothing changes. I won't be magically courageous or outgoing one year from now if I don't actually embrace the nervous and shy person that I am today. And I hope that if I embrace it, accept that I'll fall and stumble, and try to make little progress along the way, then one year from now I can look back and say, "I'm still not a perfect human and never will be, but I'm satisfied that I did ___." |