| How is this for title + first verse: ガヤ暴禽 （がやぼうきん、Gayabōkin） 見ぐれだ。にょばトーブが、 みずんがでごろぐーんと。 ボロゴーンが見ま目ま、 奪い狩るネズモン。 Gayabōkin Migureda. Nyobatōbu ga, mizunga de gorogūn-to. Borogōn ga mimamema, ubaigaru nezumon. Title explanation: - jabbering is ガヤガヤ, so I took half of that. - bōkin is a play on mōkin (猛禽) which refers to a fierce bird of pray. I replaced mō (猛) which refers to severity, extremity, ferocity with bō (暴): violence, force, to create a new word. Other notes: 見ぐれ (migure) is supposed to evoke twilight by association with みる (miru, seeing) and 夕暮れ (yugure): twilight. So that gives us the counterpart for "brillig". にょば (nyoba) is a onomatopoeia similar to nyoronyoro: wrigg. みずんが (mizunga) is a portmanteau of mizu + unga (water + canal). That gives us a made-up word that evokes some kind of wetland setting corresponding to "wabe". ごろぐーんと(gorogūn-to) an invention that hopefully evokes gorogoro: heavily rolling. This is our "gyre and gimble". ボロゴーン (borogōn) is inspired by borogove. 見ま目ま (mimamema) is our "mimsy". 目眩 (memai) means dizzy. ネズモン (nezumon) is from nezumi: mouse. This gives us "mome rath". 奪い狩る (ubaigaru) is a made-up compound nouned verb: 奪う (ubau) is to snatch, steal. 狩る is "to hunt". E.g. 魔女狩り (majogari): witch hunt. This is our "outgrabe" candidate. |
オイ！ガヤ暴に注意！
噛む歯、掴む爪。
ジャブジャブ鳥も避けて。
狡骨の受血鬼も。
--
O-i! Gayabō ni chūi!
Kamu ha, tsukamu tsume.
Jabu-jabu tori mo sakete.
Kōkotsu no Ju-ketsu-ki mo.
--
Hey, watch out for the Gayabō!
Teeth that bite, claws that catch.
Also avoid the Jabu-Jabu Bird.
And the slybone Bloodtaker.
--
Made up words: 狡骨 (kōkotsu) is a pun on 狡猾 (kōkatsu: sly, cunning crafty) by sound and kanji similarity. 骨 means bone. For some reason I decided to equate "frumious" with "cunning". Juketsuki also a made-up word inspired by 吸血鬼 (kyūketsuki), vampire.
--
呪鋭剣を持って
敵を物色して
タムタム木の樹影で
暫く思考してた。
--
Juei tsurugi-o motte,
kataki wo busshoku shite,
Tamtam ki no juei de,
shibaraku shikō shiteta.
--
Holding to "cursharp" sword,
searching high and low for the foe,
in the shadow of the Tamtam tree,
thought for a while.
--
Did not work in "manxome" unfortunately.
However, there is a nice pun between the made up word "juei" 呪鋭 and a real word "juei" 樹影.
呪 (ju) refers to being cursed, and 鋭 (ei) to sharpness. The vorpal sword is magically enchanted so that it is always sharper than sharp. (That seems to be the interpretation of "vorpal" in the world of D&D, which can be taken as authoritative, haha).
This juei: 樹影 is the shadow of a tree. Not exactly shade, so there is a liberty being taken here. Shade is more like 日陰 (hikage) "tamtam-no hikage de" works and scans, but that pun thing is lost.