[fairity]

> Frankly speaking, your comment comes off a bit dickish to me, especially this part:

Appreciate the feedback. I'm not trying to be a dick. I should have replaced "you" with "I" in my response.

For those who've found themselves stuck in the rat race, including myself, I think it's important to answer the question: Why is wealth and social status a poor value system?

My answer is: because wealth and social status are largely outside of my control.

Put another way, values are only bad insofar as they are hard to achieve.

Ok, then, the question is: What are better values than wealth and social status?

In my search for an answer to this question, I read Carol Dweck's book "Growth Mindset" where she argues that self-growth, in of itself, is a worthwhile value.

At first, I was convinced. Aha, I just need to value growth. Then, I will have motivation to engage in all these challenging activities AND I have a value that is entirely within my control (which makes it a good value). After all, I can grow as a person without fail.

Alas, after further reflection and trying to adopt this mindset, I realized that valuing self-growth, for me, was just a way of hiding from my true values: wealth and social status. That is, no matter how hard I tried to focus on growth as an end in of itself, I was always secretly still chasing after wealth and social status. Self-growth, for me, was just a way to disguise rat-race values. Put another way, Dweck's school of psychology tries to train you to focus on the means instead of the ends.

In order to escape the rat race, I believe you have to truly replace your old values with intrinsic values that are 1) ends in of themselves and 2) within your control.

[marnett]

I find your reasoning very thorough, succinct, and easy to follow. Thank you for expanding. I am interested in what you have explored, for yourself, to replace the old world values with exclusively intrinsic values?

As an aside, the mindset you describe, of only focusing on that which one can control, is referred to in psychology as having an Internal Locus of Control vs an External Locus of Control.

[fairity]

The event that kicked off my value exploration was my first startup failing. It caused me to realize that my rat-race values were dependent on outside forces and causing me substantial pain.

After reading Dweck's book, I focused on self-growth and learning as primary values. However, when my second startup hit a slog, I found myself losing motivation again. I realized, then, that I only chose self-growth and learning as a means to achieve status and wealth.

I began to question whether it was even possible to change my values. Perhaps rat-race values were so ingrained in me through my upbringing that it was too late to change. My question, then, was: Is it even necessary to have values? Wouldn't life be simpler without values?

I transitioned into a period where I tried to live without values. In reality, this meant my primary values were: momentary pleasure and emotional fortitude. That is, I tried my best to design life so that I was experiencing pleasure most of the time. And, in the face of hardship, I adopted a stoic attitude.

This, perhaps obviously, led me to a bad place where I lost motivation to continue working on my second startup, and withdrew from many of my social obligations.

Thankfully, I soon came to the realization that I have certain needs that my value system must support. Notably, I must make enough money to support myself. And, I must maintain a certain degree of sociability to stay sane.

After some consideration, I decided that my primary value going forward should be: devotion. That is, in whatever activities I endeavor, what ultimately matters to me is that I try my best. My goals in life will naturally change with time. Currently, my primary goals are making my startup a success and strengthening my relationship with my family. Later, it may be raising a family or contributing to society. Whatever my goals are, and regardless of whether I fail or succeed at achieving them, what ultimately matters to me is that I gave it my all. Devotion, as a primary value, passes the test of being within my control and also feels authentic based on my upbringing.