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The event that kicked off my value exploration was my first startup failing. It caused me to realize that my rat-race values were dependent on outside forces and causing me substantial pain. After reading Dweck's book, I focused on self-growth and learning as primary values. However, when my second startup hit a slog, I found myself losing motivation again. I realized, then, that I only chose self-growth and learning as a means to achieve status and wealth. I began to question whether it was even possible to change my values. Perhaps rat-race values were so ingrained in me through my upbringing that it was too late to change. My question, then, was: Is it even necessary to have values? Wouldn't life be simpler without values? I transitioned into a period where I tried to live without values. In reality, this meant my primary values were: momentary pleasure and emotional fortitude. That is, I tried my best to design life so that I was experiencing pleasure most of the time. And, in the face of hardship, I adopted a stoic attitude. This, perhaps obviously, led me to a bad place where I lost motivation to continue working on my second startup, and withdrew from many of my social obligations. Thankfully, I soon came to the realization that I have certain needs that my value system must support. Notably, I must make enough money to support myself. And, I must maintain a certain degree of sociability to stay sane. After some consideration, I decided that my primary value going forward should be: devotion. That is, in whatever activities I endeavor, what ultimately matters to me is that I try my best. My goals in life will naturally change with time. Currently, my primary goals are making my startup a success and strengthening my relationship with my family. Later, it may be raising a family or contributing to society. Whatever my goals are, and regardless of whether I fail or succeed at achieving them, what ultimately matters to me is that I gave it my all. Devotion, as a primary value, passes the test of being within my control and also feels authentic based on my upbringing. |