[wolverine876]

Magnus - We're not raising simplistic issues about whether beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but addressing how those women are best helped. It's indeed heart-breaking to hear how difficult the situation is. For example, when they are overwhelmed with the decision, terrified about what everyone else will think, then perhaps a mental health professional would be the better option to help them through it then someone with authority (the surgeon) reinforcing to them, with research, that everyone else's opinions are essential. Edit: I'm not sure that's what's going on, but I think it's a reasonable concern about the survey and how it will be used.

I'm posting this because the two questions below about this issue didn't receive responses and the way the issue is addressed above seems to possibly trivialize the questions, but that could be unintended or a language issue. Sorry if I'm misunderstanding you.

[magnusbaringer]

Thank you for your support, feedback and your thoughts. I totally understand your concerns - and in some ways I also share them. Of course patient advice should not (at least not more then to some extent) rely on "what everybody else thinks". But as mentioned above, for some patients it is a big support to atleast get an understanding what "in general" is seen as asthetically pleasing. Furthermore, decision taking is not just up to the patient. There are also many "surgical" decisions that have to be taken - sometimes even during surgery as not everything can always be planned in advance (e.g. tumor size is bigger -> more resection is need and thus reconstruction also changes). Decisions like "do we correct the areola asymmetry now that we see there is one after reconstruction" are quite common during surgery - and so far, decisions are mostly based on surgeon preferences unfortunately. If we can get a better understand on what parameters matter more for aesthetical perception, decision taking is improved in many different ways - not the patient-related part of it. I hope that explanation helps! Thank you so much for the great support!

[wolverine876]

Thank you for the insights Magnus, that can only come from an expert practitioner. I admire that you are so focused on helping your patients.

[nickff]

You're asserting that people who have suffered cancer and a very invasive (likely traumatic) operation probably have mental health issues as well?

I'm all for people consulting counselors and psychologists, but many people want to get back to normal, and part of that is to look the same as they did before, and avoid others asking them very personal questions or making hurtful comments. The doctors performing reconstructive surgeries are not taking advantage of vulnerable individuals, they are helping support people's recoveries.

[wolverine876]

> I'm all for people consulting counselors and psychologists, but many people want to get back to normal, and part of that is to look the same as they did before, and avoid others asking them very personal questions or making hurtful comments. The doctors performing reconstructive surgery are not taking advantage of vulnerable individuals, they are helping support people's recoveries.

I'm not sure I understand ... ?

First, I certainly didn't say that the doctors are taking advantage of anyone and certainly don't think so! I don't even know what ulterior motive the doctors would have. Please don't attribute things to me.

The job of mental health professionals is to help the patient achieve whatever their goal is, whether that's 'getting back to normal' or to help with a difficult decision or situation.

Who are you saying would be "asking very personal questions and making hurtful comments"? Mental health professionals? Mental health treatment is not an inquisition; there's no judgment made. Just like the surgeon, their job is to help the patient.

----

The doctors have asked us to take a survey. It's reasonable to raise legitimate concerns about that survey; we're not and shouldn't be thoughtless and unskeptical.

[nickff]

I am saying that strangers (not counselors and psychologists) ask the personal questions and make hurtful comments; talking to a counselor or psychologist will not change the fact that someone looks like a cancer victim.

[wolverine876]

I understand that part now. I think we keep talking past each other about a premise.

The premise is that other people have power over you, that what they think about you matters (on a personal, emotional level). Therefore, what everyone else thinks about your appearance matters.

I'm saying that the mistake is in accepting that premise. It's false. What you think about yourself is all that matters (in the personal, emotional level we are talking about), and when you know and accept yourself, the strangers are powerless. Other people only have that power if you don't love yourself and then look to them to fill that void (speaking simplistically).

A mental health professional can help a cancer survivor face those emotions, and know and accept themselves. Then all that matters is what they think about their own body.