[lxrbst]

Are you sure you actually implemented the life you wanted or what was expected from you? Sounds like you had a checklist/recipe for life and you went with it.

The good thing is you have so many doors open now. Do whatever. You're young enough to pick up any hobby or career. Don't think about whether it's financially worth doing or if you're on some "mission" or "purpose". Don't think about whether it's safe or unpopular.

Sometimes the most fulfilling things are inherently worthless. Learn an instrument, buy a motorcycle, make a painting, become a scuba instructor, run a marathon, try drugs, move to another country, sit at a park/cafe and talk with people - you get the picture. You'll find something that clicks, just get out of your checklist view of life.

[adv0r]

> Sounds like you had a checklist/recipe for life and you went with it.

Yep, tried to follow a mix of passion and checklists.

> Do whatever.

love this. This is also the problem itself. I can do anything. But what will I miss out if I do x instead of y?

> Learn an instrument, buy a motorcycle, make a painting, become a scuba instructor, run a marathon, try drugs, move to another country, sit at a park/cafe and talk with people - you get the picture.

The instrument sounds good. I. did run a marathon, bought a motorcycle (and a sailboat), I can't paint, lived in 6 countries, drugs scary the shit out of me after teenage THC-related panic attacks.

Give me more.

> You'll find something that clicks, just get out of your checklist view of life.

Hahaha, some friend call me the "list man"... they also made a drawing of me holding a checklist at my wedding :

[_y5hn]

Take those lists of yours and burn them. Find the files you rely on to plan, and rm the crap out of them.

Be here and now. Talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to. Do things without needing justifications. Be an absolute clown for a day, or just do something really crazy (ie. involuntarily funny) without justifying it to anybody. Notice what piques your curiosity and engagement, and pursue some whims of fancy. Notice variations of feelings and how they play with the rest of mind-body system and vica versa.

[splintercell]

I think I know your problem (source: achieved something similar like you few years ago, had a similar 'crises' like yours, and now I've a better grip at life).

So here's my very simple, steeped in wisdom, two word advice: dream bigger.