[hestipod]

I was advised to have surgery I didn't need and it ruined my life. I will be ending it soon because of all the pain and loss and abandonment and not one of them will care or help prevent that outcome because they got paid. Nobody said "do nothing". They all advised surgery. They advised surgery multiple European doctors later said was never needed and wasn't appropriate. Every one of those doctors attacked when confronted about the outcome and necessity...called me a liar and mental and that the pain and disability was not real. They said I was just trying to get a big payday from them. Everything was about protecting their profits. From the moment I was victimized people started blaming me and trying to discredit me. Doctors, staff, their lawyers, administrators. They never admit fault and will cover each other's back. I have met many people like me...victims of this system. American hospitals and doctors operate for profits not as a public service. They don't get their big houses and fancy cars and status without that precious surgery income. It's very much about bad faith in the American Healthcare Business. People don't want to believe it and think because they haven't had their life taken from them that it's great and people like me are extreme outliers. The number THREE cause of death in America is doctors and hospitals killing people. But nobody cares until it's them. Bad faith is part and parcel with for profit anything and healthcare is one of the biggest for profit cabals on them all in America. Anyone who believes otherwise is just preserving their own income stream or sanity because they need to believe the system will be there for them. As long as "other people" are the victims then for most people it's all fine. I had a life...I had a future...I deserve to live safely and without pain...and I am denied this because they stole my health and means to earn. They made my value zero. Bad faith is their mission statement.

[ip26]

I will be ending it soon

I had a life...I had a future

Yes, but now you have a cause.

Ever thought about attending law school? Or some other related course of action? You can stand up for the other people like you. You could be for them, what wasn't there for you.

[hestipod]

I am not just playing emo and choosing not to go on because life is a drag. I have lost everything and everyone and live in severe pain and just existing takes all my energy. I have tried over and over again to work enough to have some sort of life but my body fails and that takes the mind with it. I was denied social assistance. Abandoned by family. Nothing has gone right since this was done to me. While I would love to help others again as I once did...I cannot manage myself and there is not sufficient help here. I want out of this country back to the only place I have ever really enjoyed living in Europe but I have not been able to realize that either. The last thing I have the energy for is something like law school. I'd need a lot more of Maslow's lower rungs secured before I could attempt something like that and I'd never be able to do it on a normal schedule. I am old and broken and on a thread. I have reached my mental coping limit after many years of pain and decline and abandonment.I need consistent help and stability in a healthy environment to survive. That has been denied and I have had nothing but the opposite. So there will be no survival.

[ip26]

I believe you, and I'm sorry. As a young father, it's hard to imagine how your family could abandon you. Yet of course they did, all the same. I offered purpose, as purpose is sustaining for some. But you are of course right- Maslow, after all, knew what he was talking about. I would help if I knew how. I hope you do not give up- there are people who care, even if finding them is difficult.

[djohnston]

Im sorry you're going thru this. If I may ask, what was the procedure?

[hestipod]

Orthopedic surgeries on lower limbs that was never needed...made even worse by another round of surgery meant to "fix" the first wrong one. The second was done incorrectly as well and was something different than I even consented to. This all created a lot of problems, new damage, and pain. Then the rest of the dominoes fell. Every system meant to protect and assist failed to do so. The doctors lied and their lawyers were more powerful. The disability system was adversarial and cherry picked the doctors lies whilst ignoring evidence I provided. The appeal went to the same judge who was hostile and denied me the first time. There was never any help throughout this. Nothing but failures and blame. After all if someone loses so often it must be them right? Then when you get depressed they retcon THAT as the cause of everything. That's what my family decided as they turned their backs. That I should have known and was somehow at fault. I would never trust an American doctor again, and hate this country and it's hatred for social systems, but I am trapped here now.

[neuro_image2]

Physician here. Really sorry to hear about your situation.

I can't comment on what happened before but there may be ways out of your pain. Have you explored all options in terms of pain management.

Spinal cord stimulators? Baclofen pumps?

There are several options for treating 'neurogenic' pain including MR guided focused ultrasound (for which there is a clinical trial going on now at the University of Maryland). Where are you based?

[hestipod]

I have tried multiple radiothermal sympathectomies in Europe to some effect, ruled out spinal cord stimulators years ago after talking to docs in Europe I trusted and patients who were unsatisfied with them (plus the cost is insane). Every procedure done in this country has made me worse or just cost me for nothing. I have no insurance. Fall in all the gaps for things. Honestly a low stress lifestyle with control of environment and temps etc is the best pain management I have ever had. Last time I was able to move to Europe and have a small flat in a place amenable to me and away from the assholes here I felt a lot better and managed without strong meds...meds which cause other problems, cost too much, and are increasingly difficult to access.

But my living situation now is very unstable and hostile and stress worsens pain and hopelessness. You can't solve that with pills and procedures. On top of that it's not as simple as "solving pain". I have lost all forms of security, have no family or social reliability, have obviously severe depression and anxiety because of all of this, keep taking more hits in all regards, and you can't just plug one hole while there are 7 others in the boat and an 8th about to blow etc. I will never have a full and good life, but a survivable one is possible just not accessible. I don't want to disclose my location online since I have been very candid about my situation as all I need is someone calling the authorities and causing me more loss of agency and massive medical debt. They won't help with what I really need but will 100% "help" by locking me up and feeling good about themselves.

I don't want more surgery or devices or procedures. I don't need more doctors. I have (actual not dramatized) PTSD about doctors and hospitals now. I don't trust them with the exception of two in Europe who actually helped me. Here the have never helped and have literally ruined my life. I need my basic needs secured and a peaceful and stable environment away from hostile people, in a place where I am not one emergency or major problem away from complete and permanent debt losing the tiny bit I have left.

[djohnston]

I'm in no way bullshitting here, have you tried medical marijuana? I have spinal stenosis, and have resisted any non-conservative treatment because Western medicine is curiously bad at addressing this malady. Weed has helped tremendously, particularly with sleep where I had trouble finding comfortable positions.

[hestipod]

Even if it were legal where I am...and it's not because of more American nonsense...I cannot afford it. I cannot afford MORE expense and am already sinking as it is. And again at this point pain control is like splinting the sprained ankle on a drowning person...they are still going under. If my basic life were not so terrible the pain would need less management. Even healing it entirely now wouldn't solve my problems since I am so far down in every way I'd just die pain free. It would take a long time of stability and security to stabilize and even then I am never getting back the quality of life I earned and deserve. But it's all pointless anyway because I am not even getting the splinted sprained ankle.

I don't mean to sound rude toward you and I know you mean well. Thank you for that. I have just crossed that line from despair into rage because I know I COULD live...but that I will not because it's not profitable for anyone for me to do so. That would enrage anyone but people deny this can happen to them while ignoring the actual solutions for those it does happen to. I have fought, begged, and raged about it for ages now and I will still be gone and it won't even register. I have learned I simply do not matter. Most people are terrible and most people are who make the rules of the game.