[gewoonkris]

I try to make it a point to do all the chores when the kids are awake. When they are asleep is time to relax; not do mundane tasks

I don't feel it's my duty to entertain my kinds every waking hour, so if they have to settle with watching me fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher, so be it.

This probably won't win me the father-of-the-year award, and it is parenting-style me and my girlfriend don't always agree about, but I refuse to sacrifice all my free time for my children.

[emilecantin]

People often ask my wife and I how we manage to raise our 4 daughters, and homeschool the 3 school-aged ones. The assumption is that it must be a ton of work.

The key to making this work is our parenting style. We promote autonomy _a lot_. For example, my youngest was eating on her own at ~10-11 months. Sure, she was making a mess at first, but now she's 1.5 yrs and she's pretty good at this. Then you see the "exhausted-parent" type spoon-feeding their 3yo toddler, and wondering how we manage.

This translates to a lot of other areas (dressing up, housekeeping, hygiene, schoolwork), and while it's still a ton of work, it's much more manageable. The bonus is that we're raising confident, independent women as a result (because they know they can do it themselves).

I believe the current trend of helicopter-parenting / parents as slaves to their children is actually harmful to society, and that we're currently raising a generation of children who won't know what / how to do anything on their own. People don't magically become independent at 18; it's a process that starts at a very young age.

Try talking to your girlfriend along these lines, you might manage to convince her. And for what it's worth, showing the kids that the laundry doesn't fold itself _is_ father-of-the-year material in my opinion.

[ianai]

Is there a book or reference for that kind of parenting?

[gewoonkris]

Not sure if this is exactly what you are looking for, but there was a hackernews discussion related to this a while back: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17905657

[emilecantin]

If there is, I haven't read it. It's not that hard, really. Kids want to do things on their own. If they're having a hard time, help them but don't do it for them. If they don't know how or do it wrong, show them the right way, they'll pick it up faster than you think. Kids are very smart, let them surprise you.

[meheleventyone]

At least to me this is completely normal. It’d be weird to put off chores. Kids are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves with occasional wrangling whilst things are getting done.

[Waterluvian]

It's really not about entertaining my kids constantly. It's that a baby and a toddler are a lot of work even if they do spend hours entertaining themselves.

[PedroBatista]

A baby and toddler is different from a kid, which is different from a teen.

There are parents who live life to serve their kids needs, perceived needs, future needs and every fantasy they project on their kids.

[new2628]

This sounds a pretty good attitude actually ... within reason you can even involve the kids in doing the chores.

[stevekemp]

Mine too.

When he was one my son used to try to push a broom around, having seen me do it almost every day of his life (wooden floors make sweeping common - especially due to his habit of throwing food around).

By the time he was 2/2.5 he was actually capable of sweeping the floor but he's been the same with a lot of simple tasks. He obviously tried to copy me, before he was able to do so.

There's a temptation to not let children help, because it does make all jobs take three/four times as long. But it's worth resisting, they can do jobs, and they should be encouraged to treat them as normal activities not "chores" done under protest, solely for financial reward.

[DanBC]

How would you feel about this choice if one of your children died of cancer?

Would you still think you'd made the right choice, or would you regret prioritising laundry over your children?

[jclulow]

Literally nothing will prepare you for that. No amount of time is enough. Living your life in abject fear of that morbid possibility is crippling.

[DanBC]

"spending time with my kids" is not "living in crippling fear of them dying".

[sokoloff]

It sounded like you were opposed to doing mundane daily chores or otherwise not giving 100% of your free time to them while they're awake for fear that you might regret that choice if they died young of cancer. That doesn't seem that far apart to this reader.

[scarejunba]

Honestly, I think it depends on how it goes. As a young kid, I watched my dad write emails through Hotmail over HyperTerminal (I think) to other doctors discussing surgical procedures.

Honestly, I quite enjoyed it. He just wrote the emails and I just sat there and read what he wrote and understood some tiny fraction. Thoroughly enjoyable.