[amorphous]

I don't believe you can learn this from a book. It's a highly personal journey, depending on you, your family and your kids. Your kids educate you as much as you educate them, you are in this together. I understand you want to seek advice but I honestly don't think there's a blueprint.

[croo]

I disagree - every parent absolutely can and should learn. Also I do not seek "advice". I seek general knowledge. But maybe we are talking about different things.

I'm talking about kids growing and learning stages and limit searching are as old as humanity. I hope there are a lot of people working as eg. a kids’ therapist who - after dealing with kids and their parents problems for 30 years - recognized common patterns and errors, how to avoid or mitigate those within reason then sit down to wrote what they learned.

Now the answers I seek won't be written anywhere. But by knowing and learning the usual process of kids growing up I know I will have more patience and more strength doing what I think would benefit them - and more importantly I will have a better understanding what would benefit them.

[amerkhalid]

Of course, every kid and parent is different but books provide general information that you can use to refine your style.

I am a new father of 11 months old, and I have no idea how I would have handled last 11 months without "What to Expect 1st Year." Also "Why do We Sleep" helped me understand importance of sleep for infants. "Let them Eat Dirt" helped me relax about baby putting everything in his mouth.

Of course, there are blogs and forums too. But those tend to be time suck and I prefer to avoid them.

[matt_the_bass]

I agree.

One thing I would suggest is observe other people (and yourself), how they’ve turned out, and what conditions may have contributed to their current state (for good and for bad).

[croo]

Great suggestion but it won't work as it lacks data points.

Self reflection is my everyday bread since I have kids, but no one - apart spouse - really tells you about their childhood traumas, his connections with his father or mother (and of course you will never hear the other end of a story) or how their parents were handling them, or have a chance to really see inside their lives. Without this information you cannot get to the reasons or good/bad parental decisions.

But a therapist could have this information. Could have enough data points. Could wirte a book about it. It would be a mistake not to read it and learn from others mistake and success.

[matt_the_bass]

What about those family friends who’s kids turned out to be poorly adjusted adults? Or the brother in law who doesn’t have clue about life. There are lots of places to obverse.