Pro-life as a man = sexist because you're trying to control women
Strict immigration laws, particularly around deportation or punishments for illegal entrance = racist
Lowering or abolishing minimum wage = racist and you hate the poor
Any comment on Islam that isn't rah-rah = racist (which is fascinating since religion != race, but there you go)
Death Penalty = racist (disproportionate representation of African-Americans on death row)
Religious as a man = usually leads to sexist claims if a member of a conservative sect
As a white woman who tries hard to find common ground before disagreeing, has lived extensively in different African countries, and firmly believes we are ALL sexist and racist, I tend to get more attacks that I'm heartless and/or brainwashed. I try to defang the racist/sexist attacks right off the bat by getting mutual agreement that we all are and our job is to work on offsetting it as much as possible.
But my white male SO who, God help him, isn't willing to do the 10-20 minute reassurance dance before getting to the actual debate? My God, he can't even TALK about most of these issues without getting labeled something horrible or a shut down of "check your privilege" that, if he ignores it, leads to some kind of racist/sexist label.
Mind sharing the reassurance dance with the rest of us? I'd love to have one handy so I can preface all debates of those topics with one of these and, hopefully, defuse the barrage of incoming accusations of moral violations.
1. Repeat their own perspective back to them, validating how awesome they are for having it. Seriously. Find the origin/axiom of their perspective from their POV, which is usually something rather commendable, and be clear that you think it's awesome they're so empathetic, self-sacrificing, generous, what-have-you. They should be nodding along feeling super awesome while you're admitting how hard those traits/sacrifices are to have.
2. Acknowledge right off the bat that both of you, really everyone, is racist, sexist, etc. Reference a few studies, talk about how we all grow up in a racist, sexist context and there's no escaping it only mitigating the problem. Once again, bunch of nods.
3. Talk about the divide within politics and how important it is to do the work of understanding the other side's POV. Acknowledge how hard it is on BOTH sides. More nods.
The tone so far, and for the rest of the conversation, should be soft and concerned.
At this point they think you agree with them 100% and that they have the moral high ground on you because you're impressed with their noble spirit and actions.
4. Initially present it as a POV someone else has that find yourself being persuaded by or agreeing with. Make sure you know the priority difference or fact disagreement that leads to the two sides disagreeing, so you're able to say either, "I looked it up, and I was surprised to see that they're right. X has been proven / did happen. It's hard to see how that fits into the other side's narrative." or "I might disagree with them, but it's clearly a difference of opinion/morals and who am I to force them to have my opinion/morals?"
5. At this point in the conversation, you can FINALLY admit that you actually DO agree with the other side. But you've soft-walked them there, the entire time showing why and how you reached that conclusion. You began from THEIR context, rather than yours. You didn't start at A when they were at Z. You met them at Z and walked them to A.
Strict immigration laws, particularly around deportation or punishments for illegal entrance = racist
Lowering or abolishing minimum wage = racist and you hate the poor
Any comment on Islam that isn't rah-rah = racist (which is fascinating since religion != race, but there you go)
Death Penalty = racist (disproportionate representation of African-Americans on death row)
Religious as a man = usually leads to sexist claims if a member of a conservative sect
As a white woman who tries hard to find common ground before disagreeing, has lived extensively in different African countries, and firmly believes we are ALL sexist and racist, I tend to get more attacks that I'm heartless and/or brainwashed. I try to defang the racist/sexist attacks right off the bat by getting mutual agreement that we all are and our job is to work on offsetting it as much as possible.
But my white male SO who, God help him, isn't willing to do the 10-20 minute reassurance dance before getting to the actual debate? My God, he can't even TALK about most of these issues without getting labeled something horrible or a shut down of "check your privilege" that, if he ignores it, leads to some kind of racist/sexist label.