[PakG1]

I got married last year. Before I met my wife, I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life. For a time, I was fairly depressed about lots of mistakes I had made. I wasn't sure I had anyone who could understand me or help me. My brother introduced me to my wife and we hit it off. My wife gave me emotional stability and motivation to do things. The few times we've had fights, I cry when I hurt her. She is everything to me. If I lost her, I might be even worse off than before I met her. Maybe I'd be able to remember everything she says and move forward with strength in my eyes. Maybe.

I feel for Matt and anyone else who has to endure a loss.

[xab9]

Please do see a psychologist. Depending on your personal background you may find this advice offensive or annoying, but give it a try.

[PakG1]

Reading my comment, I can understand why you'd advise this. I think it's unnecessary at this point because I understand a lot more about myself that I didn't before and was getting to a good place just before I met her. Thankfully, never had been suicidal or anything like that. Thanks for the concern though. :)

[xab9]

I'm not talking about being suicidal, I'm talking about being dependent - but of course it is your call. I always thought of my marriage as something of an unbreakable sacred wonder that "fixed me" for good, but looking back now I'm not exactly sure about it. Funny thing is that if someone told me this, I would've laughed at him or just dismissed the theory alltogether.

[PakG1]

I get that. It's of course completely possible that we're only in honeymoon stage. I also understand the psychology that if you're looking for others to fill up your own inadequacies, you may run into trouble. But in my case, I don't think that's the story for me. Rather, she's opened my eyes about the wrong ways I viewed everything. I can quantifiably say that she's making me a better person firstly through giving me a platform for having confidence, secondly by acting as a confidante, and thirdly by giving me feedback about everything I do. It helps that we have common values, goals, and faith.

[zzenon]

I don't think xab9 is denying that your wife made you a better person and see things in a different light. That's awesome and you should be proud of her. But your comments keep showing a form of dependancy that can quickly spiral out of control and turn against you (personally I have been there). A psychologist can be a tremendous help in preventing such situations.

Like xab9's comment, please do not take offence in my comment either.

[PakG1]

Thanks, this is food for thought.

[stmw]

or check out www.talkspace.com for online therapy if going somewhere is too much

[hackits]

Please go and see a Psychologist.

[dang]

This crosses into personal attack, which is not allowed here and which we ban accounts for. It was also particularly tasteless to post that here. Would you please read https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and not post like this again?

[sridca]

Can I ask you why this comment was flagged but the sibling one (by xab9), which says the same thing, was not?

[hackits]

A personal attack is to insult some-one or to be-little them. It is a recommendation of some very worrisome warning signs of the post.

[Dumbdo]

It certainly was be-littling him. You may be right, but especially on such a sensible topic it's all about how you write it.

[hackits]

belittle dismiss (someone or something) as unimportant.

Recommending some-one go and seek help or signs or warning signs of underlying dependency that isn't healthy for a strong mature relationship is not belittling someone. Instead its is concern and recommendation to seek help is caring about some-one I have no social relationship to. If I didn't care I wouldn't say anything.